208、记事二：
我在默想妻子们珍藏的婚姻之爱的奥秘时，又看见前面所描述的金雨（156e节）。我想起它曾落在东方的一个大厅上，那里住着三个婚姻之爱，也就是三对恩爱夫妻。一看到这金雨，我赶紧奔向那里，仿佛受到默想这爱的甜蜜的邀请。随着 我渐行渐近，那雨从金色变成紫色，然后又变成朱红色。当我走近时，它又变成乳白色，像露珠一样。我敲了敲门，门开了。我对侍者说：“请给丈夫们捎个口信，就说先前与一位天使同来的那个访客又来了，请求被准许进去与他们交谈。”侍者回来传话说，丈夫们同意了，于是我就进去了。三对夫妇都在一个露天庭院里，并向我回以友好的问候。然后，我问妻子们那白鸽后来有没有在窗户上出现。她们说：“是的，今天也出现了。而且，它还展开双翅，我们由此猜到你会来恳求我们再透露有关婚姻之爱的一个秘密。”
我问：“我来这里是想了解许多秘密，为何你们却说一个秘密？”她们回答说：“秘密有很多，其中有一些远远超出你们男人的智慧，是你们思维的理解力所无法领悟的。你们男人会因自己的智慧向我们夸耀，但我们不会因自己的智慧向你们夸耀。然而，我们的智慧却胜过你们的，因为它能进入你们的倾向和情感，看到、觉察并感受它们。你们完全不知道自己的爱之倾向和情感，尽管你们的理解力正是出于并照着它们来思考；所以，它们决定了你们是否有智慧，并以什么样的方式具有智慧。然而，妻子十分清楚丈夫里面的倾向和情感，以致她们能从丈夫的脸上看出来，从说话的语气听出来，甚至通过触摸丈夫的胸膛、手臂和脸颊感觉出来。不过，出于爱你们幸福的热情，同时也为我们自己的幸福着想，我们假装不知道它们，同时却又如此谨慎地节制它们，以致我们默许并容忍丈夫的渴望、乐趣和意愿，只是尽可能把它弯过来，但从不强迫他们。”
我问道：“你们从哪里得来这种智慧？”她们回答说：“自创造时，因而自出生我们就有这种智慧。我们的丈夫把它比作一种本能，但我们认为它出于圣治，好叫男人通过他们的妻子变得幸福。我们从丈夫那里听说：主愿意男人照着理性出于自由行事；他的自由与其倾向和情感有关，故而被主从内节制，并通过妻子从外节制；主以这种方式将男人及其妻子合为一位天上的天使。另外，爱若被强迫，就会变质，不再是婚姻之爱。不过，我们会说得更直白一些：我们被感动至此，也就是说，如此谨慎地节制我们丈夫的倾向和情感，以致他们觉得自己似乎照着自己的理性出于自由行事。这是因为我们以他们的爱为快乐，并且只喜欢从我们的快乐那里给予他们快乐。这些感觉若在他们里面变得冷漠，也会在我们里面开始消退。”
说完这些话，其中一位妻子走进卧室，回来后说：“我的鸽子还在扇动翅膀，这是一个迹象，说明我们可以透露更多。”于是，她们接着说：“我们发现了男人的倾向和情感里面的各种变化。例如，当怀有反对主和教会的狂妄想法时，丈夫就会渐渐冷淡妻子；当以自己的聪明为骄傲，或色迷迷地看着别人的妻子时，也是如此；当在爱方面被妻子敦促时，同样是冷淡的，此外还有许多其它情况；包括这一事实，他们所感受的冷淡在每种情况下都是不同的。当他们的感官与我们的相接时，我们凭着感觉从他们的眼睛、耳朵和身体退离发现这一点。从这几个例子你可以看出，我们比男人更清楚他们的状况是好还是糟。若他们对妻子冷淡，他们的状况就是糟的；若对妻子感觉温暖，他们的状况就是好的。所以，妻子们总是想方设法使自己的男人对自己感觉温暖而非冷淡，她们以一种男人无法理解的敏锐洞察力做到这一点。”
当她们说到这里时，我们听见有声音传来，好像鸽子在呻吟。这时，妻子们说：“这是给我们的信号，尽管我们急于透露更深层的秘密，却不可以。恐怕你会将听来的秘密泄露给男人们。”我回答说：“我本来就是这样打算的。这样做有什么害处吗？”对此，妻子们彼此商量后，说：“你若愿意，就透露出去吧。我们又不是不清楚妻子们所具有的说服力。事实上，她们会对自己的丈夫说：‘这个人在愚弄你。这些话都是瞎编乱造，他在用表面现象和男人惯常的胡说八道开玩笑。不要信他，要信我们。我们知道你们是爱的形式，我们是顺服的形式。’所以，你若愿意，就透露出去吧。反正丈夫们不会信赖你的嘴，而是会信赖他们所亲吻的妻子们的嘴。”
208、第二段陈述：
在我寻思着妻子们所隐藏的婚姻之爱时，我又看到了从前在155节中提到过的金色的雨。那雨象是薄雾落在三对拥有真正婚姻之爱的夫妇所住的大厅。此后我加快脚步，在我逐渐走近时，那雨从金色变为紫色，又变成红色，当我到达那里后，雨变得象露珠一样透明。
我敲了敲门，门开了。我对开门人说：“请跟男主人讲从前与天使一起来过的人又来了，要同他谈谈。”
后来我被引入房内，三对夫妇在院中亲切地问候了我。
我问妻子们从前曾出现过的白色的鸽子又出现没有，她们说鸽子出现过而且还展开了翅膀。所以我们知道你将要来，想要我们透露更多的与婚姻之爱相关的一条消息。
我问你们为什么说我只要了解一条消息呢？我要知道更多的消息。
她们说：“这些都是秘密，有些是你们人类的智慧所无法理解的，人类会夸大自己的智慧而我们却不会这样，尽管我们的智慧，比你们的更完善。我们能看到你们的倾向，情感。”
你们对自己的倾向和情感一无所知，尽管你们的才智是在此基础上行成的，根据这些你们才拥有智慧。妻子们对倾向和情感十分清楚，他们能在丈夫的脸上看得到，在丈夫的语调中听得到。能在摸到丈夫的手、胸、胳膊和面颊时感觉到。但是出于你们的幸福进而出于我们的幸福，我们装作一无所知，同时我们合作协调工作，在可能时指导他们，但从不强迫他们。
“你们怎么会有这种智慧？”我问道。
他们回答说：“这是我们生来就有的，我们的丈夫们说这是直觉，但我们说它来自于主，这使得妻子们能使丈夫们高兴。我们的丈夫对我们说主使得男性能够按理性自由行为，因为倾向和情感与自由有关，主从内在调和着男人的自由并且他们的妻子在外在上调和着，并将妻子和丈夫一起构成天使，同时若爱是被迫的，那它的本质就会改变。”
“我们更坦白点讲，我们能秘密地调和丈夫的倾向和情感，丈夫们对此毫无感觉并且觉得他们完全是自由的。因为我会从他们的爱中感受到快乐，我们喜欢看到他们因我们快乐而快乐。但是若这种感觉在他们那儿变得冷漠，那在我们这里也会退却。”
此时其中的一个妻子回到卧室并回来告诉我们说：“白鸽还在张着翅膀，我们还可以透露一点。”
她们又说：“我们看到多次丈夫们的倾向和情感的变化。比如说，当他们胸怀违反主及教会的想法时，他们会对妻子冷淡，当他们自以为傲时，他们泠漠。当他们对别的女人有非分之想时，他们也会显得冷淡。在被妻子们关于爱的表现所惊讶时，他们也会显得冷淡，我们会在与他们的眼睛身体相接触时感到这些。”
“由此你可以看到，我们比男人更了解他们自己是否是完好的。如果他们对自己的妻子冷淡，他们必是有问题的。妻子们会不断地在丈夫无法理解的情况下尽力转变丈夫对自己的态度。”
她们说到这里时，我似乎听到了鸽子的低吟声，此时妻子们说这就是告诉我们不再多说了，也许你会向男人透露这些秘密。
“我要是这么做，这会有什么坏处呢？”我问
妻子们说：“你若要这样就这样好了。但我们相信妻子们所拥有的能力。我们会对丈夫说这个人在胡说，不要相信他，要相信我们。”
所以她说：“你要透露秘密就随你了，丈夫们会相信妻子而不会相信你。”
208. The second experience.
While I was meditating about the secrets of conjugial love which wives keep treasured up, I saw again the golden rain mentioned before. I remembered that it had been falling on a court in the east, where there lived three conjugial loves, that is, three couples who loved each other dearly. On seeing this I hastened to the spot, as if invited by the sweetness of meditating on that love. As I approached, the rain turned from golden to purple, and then to scarlet, and, when I was close, to an opal colour like dew. I knocked and the door was opened. 'Take a message,' I said to the attendant, 'to the husbands, and tell them their previous visitor who came with an angel is here again, and asks to be allowed to come in and talk with them.'
The attendant came back and reported that the husbands had agreed, so I went in. The three husbands with their wives were together in an open courtyard, and they returned my greeting in friendly fashion. I asked the wives whether the white dove had appeared since in the window. They said it had done so that day, and it had spread its wings. 'From that,' they said, 'we guessed you were coming and would request us to reveal one more of the secrets of conjugial love.' 'Why do you say one,' I asked, 'when I have come here to learn many?'
[2] 'They are secrets,' they replied, 'and some of them so far surpass your wisdom that the power of understanding in your thought-processes is unable to grasp them. You brag to us about your wisdom, but we do not brag to you about ours, although it far exceeds yours, penetrating into your inclinations and affections, so that it can see, perceive and feel them. You know absolutely nothing about the inclinations and affections of your love, although it is these that are the source of and determine what your intellect thinks. So they determine whether and in what way you are wise. Yet wives know these so well in their husbands, that they can see them on their faces, and hear them in the tone of voice they use in speaking; in fact, they even feel them by touching their chests, arms and cheeks. But the zeal of our love for your happiness, and also for our own, makes us pretend we are not aware of them; and we still control them with such prudence that we allow and suffer whatever our husbands wish, decide and will, only modifying this as far as possible, but never forcing them.'
[3] 'Where,' I asked, 'do you get this wisdom?' 'It is innate, they answered, 'from creation and so we have it from birth. Our husbands compare it to an instinct, but we say it is by Divine providence, so that men are made happy by means of their wives. We have been told by our husbands that the Lord wishes a male to act in freedom in accordance with reason, and his freedom, as regards his inclinations and affections, is therefore controlled by the Lord Himself inwardly, but outwardly by means of his wife. This is how He forms a man and his wife into an angel of heaven. Moreover, love changes its essence and it is no longer that love, if it is forced. But we will put this more openly: we are so far influenced towards this, that is, to control with prudence our husbands' inclinations and affections, that they seem to themselves to be acting in freedom in accordance with their own reason. This is because we take delight in their love, and love nothing more than giving them delight from our delights. If they find these feeble, they become dull for us too.'
[4] After this one of the wives went into her bedroom, and when she came back said, 'My dove is still beating its wings; this is a sign that we may reveal more.' 'We have observed,' they said, 'various changes in inclinations and affections on the part of men. For instance, husbands feel cool towards their wives, when they have wild ideas against the Lord and the church. They do so too, when they take pride in their own intelligence; or when they look lustfully on other people's wives; and on many other occasions. There are differences in the coolness they feel. We notice this by the way, in the presence of our senses, sensation is withdrawn from their eyes, ears and body. These few remarks will enable you to see that we are more aware than men whether it is well or ill with them. If they are cool towards their wives, it is ill, but well, if they feel warmly towards their wives. Wives therefore are continually thinking up ways of making men feel warmly rather than coolly towards them, and they plan this with an awareness men find impenetrable.'
[5] When this was said, there was a sound like a dove moaning. Then the wives said, 'This is a sign to us that although we are eager to disclose deeper secrets, we must not. It may be that you are revealing to men what you have been told.' 'Yes,' I replied; 'that is my intention. How can it hurt?' The wives had a private discussion about this, and then said, 'Reveal it, if you like. It does not escape us what power wives have to persuade; for they will tell their husbands, "Don't take that man seriously; these are fictions, jokes based on appearances, and the usual sort of nonsense men talk. Don't believe it; believe us. We know that you are forms of love and we are forms of obedience." So reveal this if you like, yet husbands will still not hang on your lips, but on those of the wives whom they kiss.'
208. The second account:
When I was once thinking about the secrets of conjugial love that wives hide and keep to themselves, I again saw the golden rain that I mentioned before; 1and I remembered that it fell like mist upon a hall in the east, where three pictures of conjugial love lived, that is, three married couples who loved each other tenderly. On seeing it, I hastened in that direction, as though bidden by the sweetness of my reflection on that love; and as I approached, the rain turned from gold to purple, then scarlet, and when I was almost there, it became opalescent like dew.
I knocked and the door was opened. So I said to the attendant, "Convey to the husbands that one who was here before with an angel is present again, seeking permission to come in and speak with them."
When the attendant returned, he indicated the husbands' assent and I entered. The three husbands and their wives were together in a courtyard, and they returned my greeting warmly.
I then asked the wives whether the white dove had ever appeared at the window again. They said it had appeared that very day, and also had spread its wings. "We therefore anticipated your coming," they said, "to entreat us to reveal one more secret of conjugial love."
"But why do you say one," I asked, "when I have come here to learn many more?"
[2] "They are secrets," they replied, "and some of them so transcend the wisdom of you men that the comprehension of your intellect cannot grasp them. You men vaunt yourselves over us on account of your wisdom, but we do not vaunt ourselves over you on account of ours - even though our wisdom is superior to yours because it enters into your inclinations and affections and sees, perceives and feels them.
"You know nothing at all about the inclinations and affections of your love, and this despite the fact that it is because of them and in accordance with them that your intellect thinks, consequently that it is because of them and in accordance with them that you have your wisdom. Yet wives know these things in their husbands so well that they see them in their husbands's faces and hear them in the intonations of the speech of their mouth - indeed so well that they feel them with the touch of their hands on their husbands' breasts, arms and cheeks. But from a zealous love for your happiness and at the same time our own, we pretend as if we do not know these things, while at the same time moderating them so discreetly that whatever our husbands' wish, pleasure or will, we accede to it by allowing and enduring it, and only redirecting it when possible, but never compelling."
[3] "How is it that you have this wisdom?" I asked.
They replied, "It is implanted in us from creation and so from birth. Our husbands liken it to an instinct, but we say it comes of Divine providence, in order that men may be made happy through their wives. Our husbands have told us that it is the Lord's will that the masculine sex act in freedom in accord with reason; and since a man's freedom involves his inclinations and affections, therefore the Lord Himself moderates his freedom from within, and through his wife from without, and so forms the man and his wife together into an angel of heaven. Besides, if love is compelled, its fundamental nature changes and it becomes no longer the same love.
"But we will explain it more frankly. We are moved to this - that is, to a discreet moderation of the inclinations and affections of our husbands, so discreet that it seems to them that they act in freedom in accord with their own reason - because we feel delight from their love, and we love nothing more than for them to feel delight from our feelings of delight. But if these feelings become matters of indifference in them, they also begin to fade in us."
[4] When they had said this, one of the wives went into her bedroom, and returning said, "My dove is still fluttering its wings - a sign that we may divulge more."
So they said, "We have observed changes in the inclinations and affections of men in a variety of cases. For instance, husbands are cold to their wives whenever they entertain vain thoughts against the Lord and the church. They are cold whenever they pride themselves because of their own intelligence. They are cold whenever they look upon other women with lust. They are cold whenever they are admonished by their wives on the subject of love. We could mention a number of other instances as well, including the fact that the coldness they feel varies in each case. We notice this from the withdrawal of feeling from their eyes, ears and body when their senses meet ours.
"From these few illustrations you can see that we know better than men whether all is well with them or not. If they are cold to their wives, all is not well with them, but if they are warm to their wives it is. Wives are therefore continually turning over in their minds ways of inducing their men to be warm to them and not cold, and they do this with a keenness of perception incomprehensible to men."
[5] As they said this, we heard what seemed to be the sound of a dove moaning; and at that point the wives said, "That is a signal to us that although we are eager to divulge still deeper secrets, we may not. Perhaps you will expose to men the secrets you have heard."
"That is my intention," I replied. "What harm will it do?"
After conferring with each other about this, the wives then said, "Disclose them if you wish. We are not unacquainted with the power of persuasion possessed by wives. Indeed, they will say to their husbands, 'The man is fooling. They are fictions. He is trying to amuse with appearances and the usual nonsense typical of men. Do not believe him; believe us. We know that you are the lovers and we your humble servants.'
"So," they said, "disclose them if you wish; but the husbands' attention will not hang on your lips, but on the lips of their wives which they kiss."
Footnotes:
1. See no. 155[r]
208. The second story: As I was musing about the unknown things having to do with married love that are kept hidden by wives, the golden rain mentioned before appeared again. And I remembered that it fell over a residence in the east, where three married loves lived - in other words three married couples who loved each other tenderly. When I saw that, I hurried there as if invited by the sweetness of my reflections about that love.
As I came nearer the rain changed from golden to purple, then to scarlet, and when I was close, it looked like opaline dew. I knocked, and the door was opened, and I said to the attendant, "Tell the husbands that the one who was here before with an angel is back again and asks if they will let him come in to talk."
The attendant returned and gave me the husbands' consent, and I went in.
The three husbands with their wives were together in the courtyard, and they returned my greeting kindly. I asked the wives if the white dove in the window came back again.
"Just today!" they said, "And it spread its wings, too, so we guessed you would be here asking us to reveal one more secret about the love in marriage."
I asked, "Why do you say 'one' when I came here to learn many?"
They answered, "They're secrets. And some are so far beyond your wisdom that your intellect can't grasp them. You pride yourself over us for your wisdom, but we don't pride ourselves over you for ours. And yet ours goes far beyond yours, because it enters your inclinations and feelings. It sees them, notices them, and feels them. You know absolutely nothing about the inclinations and feelings of your love, and yet they are what your intellect thinks from and follows - so it is due to them and according to them that you are wise.
"And yet wives know them so well in their husbands that they see them in their faces and hear them from the sounds of the speech in their mouths. Yes, indeed. They feel them on their chests, arms, and cheeks. But from a zeal of love for your happiness, and ours at the same time, we pretend that we don't know them. And yet we manage them so skillfully that whatever our husbands like, find pleasing, and want, we comply with, permitting and submitting. We bend them only when they'll bend but we never force them."
"Where do you get this wisdom?" I asked.
They answered, "It's built into us from creation and therefore from birth. Our husbands think it's like instinct, but we say it comes from Divine Providence so that men's wives can provide them happiness. Our husbands have told us that the Lord wants a male human being to act in freedom, following reason. This freedom of theirs, which has to do with inclinations and affections, the Lord Himself modifies from within, and through wives from the outside. And in this way He forms a man and his wife into an angel of heaven. Moreover, if love is forced it changes its essence and does not become this kind of love. But we'll talk more plainly about these things. Our motivation in prudently regulating our husbands' inclinations and affections is this strong so that they'll see themselves as acting freely according to their reason. Here's why. We have delight from their love, and we love nothing more than for them to get delight from our delights. If these delights cheapen for them, they get dull for us."
After they said these things, one of the wives went into a room indoors, came back, and said, "My dove is still fluttering its wings, which is a sign for us to disclose more."
They said, "We've noticed various changes in men's inclinations and feelings, such as that husbands get cold toward their wives when they think wayward thoughts against the Lord and the church, that they get cold when they are proud of their own intelligence, that they get cold when they look at other women lustfully, that they get cold when their wives direct them in love, and other things, and that they get cold in various ways. We notice this in the way their eyes, ears, and bodies react under our scrutiny.
"From these few examples you can see that we know better than the men whether they are all right or not. If they cool off toward their wives they aren't all right, but if they warm up to their wives they're all right. So wives are always thinking up ways to have their husbands warm up to them and not cool off, and they think about this with a perspicacity that men can't see through."
When I had heard these things it sounded as if the dove was mourning, and the wives said, "This is a signal to us that we crave to divulge deeper secrets, which we aren't allowed to do.
You might tell men what you've heard."
"I intend to," I answered. "What harm can it do?"
After talking about this among themselves the wives said, "Tell them the secrets if you like. The power of wives to persuade is no secret to us. They'll tell their husbands, 'That man's playing games. They're stories. He's cracking typical male jokes about how things seem. Don't believe him, believe us. We know that you're the lovers and we just obey.'
"So tell about it if you want to. But husbands still won't rely on your mouth, but on the mouths of their wives, which they kiss."
208. The second Memorable Relation:
When I was in meditation on the arcana of conjugial love stored up with wives, the GOLDEN SHOWER described above (no. 156 e) was again seen, and I remembered that it was falling upon a hall in the east where lived three conjugial loves, that is, three consorts who tenderly loved each other. Seeing the shower, I hastened thither as though invited by the sweetness of the meditation on that love. As I drew near, the shower, from being golden became purple, then scarlet, and when I was close by, it was opalescent like dew. I then knocked at the door, and when it was opened, I said to the attendant, "Announce to the husbands that one who previously came here with an angel is again here and begs that he be allowed to enter and talk with them." On his return, the attendant, on behalf of the husbands, gave his assent and I went in.
The three husbands with their wives were together in an open court and returned my greeting with good-will. I then asked the wives whether the white dove had appeared at the window later.
They said, "[Yes, and] also today. Moreover, it spread out its wings, and from this we surmised your presence and your solicitation for the disclosure of yet one more arcanum respecting conjugial love."
[2] When I asked, "Why do you say one, when yet I have come hither to learn many?" they answered: "There are [many] arcana, and some so far surpass your wisdom that the understanding of your thought cannot apprehend them. You men glory over us on account of your wisdom, but we do not glory over you on account of ours; and yet ours excels yours because it enters into your inclinations and affections and sees, perceives, and feels them. You know nothing whatever about the inclinations and affections of your love, though it is these from which and according to which your understanding thinks: consequently, from which and according to which you are wise. Yet wives know them in their husbands so well that they see them in their face and hear them in the tones of the speech of their mouth, yea, feel them by touch on their breasts, arms, and cheeks; but from the zeal of love for your happiness, and at the same time for our own, we feign not to know them. Yet we moderate them so prudently that, by permission and sufferance, we acquiesce in everything that pertains to the desire, pleasure, and will of our husbands, merely bending it when possible but never forcing."
[3] I asked, " Whence do you have that wisdom?" They answered: "It is implanted in us from creation and thence from birth. Our husbands liken it to instinct, but we say it is of Divine Providence, in order that men may be made happy by their wives. We have heard from our husbands that the Lord wills that the male man shall act from freedom according to reason, and that his freedom which has regard to his inclinations and affections is therefore moderated from within by the Lord Himself, and from without by means of his wife; also that in this way the Lord forms the man with his wife into an angel of heaven. Moreover, if forced, the love changes its essence and does not become conjugial love. But let us speak of this more openly. We are moved to this, that is, to prudence in so moderating the inclinations and affections of our husbands that they appear to themselves to act from freedom according to their reason, because we are in delight from their love and love nothing more than that they shall be in delight from our delights; and if these become cheap to them, they also become dulled with us."
[4] After these words, one of the wives went into her bed-chamber, and on returning said, "My dove still flutters its wings, which is a sign that we may disclose more." They then added: "We have observed various changes in the inclinations and affections of men; as, for instance, that husbands grow cold to their wives when they think vain thoughts against the Lord and the Church; that they are cold when in the pride of their own intelligence; that they are cold when they look upon other women from concupiscence; that they are cold when urged by their wives in respect to love, besides on many other occasions; also that they are cold with varying coldness. We observe this from the withdrawal of sensation from their eyes, ears, and body at the presence of our senses. From these few examples you can see that we know better than the men whether it is well with them or ill. If they are cold towards their wives, it is ill with them, and if they are warm towards their wives it is well with them. Therefore, in their minds wives are continually reflecting on the means whereby their men shall be warm towards them and not cold; and they reflect on them with a penetration inscrutable to men."
[5] When they had thus spoken, a sound was heard as though the dove were moaning. The wives then said, "That is a sign to us that though we are eager to divulge deeper arcana, it is not allowed us. Perhaps you will disclose to men what you have heard." I answered, "I intend to do so; what harm can come from that?"
After speaking about this among themselves, the wives said: "Disclose them if you will. The power of persuasion that wives possess is not hidden from us; for they will say to their husbands, "The man is fooling you. These are fables. He is jesting from appearances and from the silly fancies common to men. Do not believe him; believe us. We know that you are loves and we obediences." Disclose them, then, if you will, but husbands will not put any dependence on your mouth, but on the mouths of their wives which they kiss."
208. 1While I was meditating on the arcana of marital love hidden with wives, the Golden Rain appeared again, of which I spoke above (155). I recalled that it fell over a hall in the east where lived three marital loves, that is, three married pairs who tenderly loved each other. At the sight, as if drawn by the sweetness of meditation on that love, I hastened thither. As I approached, the rain turned from golden to purple, then to scarlet, and when I was close, it was opalescent like dew. I knocked on the door of the palace, and when it was opened, said to the attendant, "Announce to the husbands that he who came before with an angel is here again, and asks permission to enter and converse." The attendant returned and brought assent from the husbands, and I entered. The three husbands were with their wives in an open court, and on being greeted, returned my greeting with good will. I asked the wives whether the white dove at the window had appeared again.
They said, "This very day! It spread its wings, too! We surmised you must be near and would ask us to disclose one more arcanum about marital love."
I asked, "Why do you say one, when I have come to learn many?"
[2] They replied, "They are arcana; and some of them so far surpass your wisdom that the understanding of your thought cannot grasp them. You exult over us on account of your wisdom, but we do not exult over you on account of ours; and yet ours excels yours, in that it enters into your inclinations and affections, and sees, perceives and feels them. You know nothing at all about the inclinations and affections of your love, although it is from and according to these that your understanding thinks, and from and according to them, therefore, that you are wise. But wives know the inclinations and affections of their husbands so well that they behold them in their faces, hear them in the tones of their speech, yes, feel them on their breasts, arms, and cheeks. But from the zeal of love for your happiness, and at the same time for our own, we feign not to know them; and yet we modulate them so prudently that we follow whatever is to the liking, pleasure and will of our husbands, permitting and bearing, bending their will on occasion, but never constraining it."
[3] I asked, "Whence have you this wisdom?"
They answered, "It is implanted in us by creation and so by birth. Our husbands liken it to instinct; but we say it is of the Divine Providence to the end that men may be made happy by their wives. We have heard from our husbands that the Lord wills that the man shall act from freedom according to reason; and that to this end the Lord Himself from within regulates his freedom, including that of the inclinations and affections, and from without does so by means of his wife; and that thus He forms the man along with his wife into an angel of heaven. And besides, love, when coerced, changes its essence and does not become marital love. But we shall be more explicit. We are moved to this, that is, to prudence in modulating the inclinations and affections of our husbands so that they appear to themselves to act from freedom according to their reason, all the more because we take delight in their love, and we love nothing more than that they shall find their delights in ours; if these become cheap to them, they grow dull with us."
[4] Having said this, one of the wives went into her chamber, and on returning said, "My dove still flutters its wings, which is a sign that we may disclose more." And they added, "We have observed various changes in the inclinations and affections of men. When they think vain thoughts against the Lord and the Church, husbands are cold to their wives; they are cold also when in the pride of their own intelligence, when they look upon other women from lust, when their attention is directed by their wives to love, and at other times. They are also cold with a varying coldness. We observe it in a shrinking back of the sense from their eyes, ears and body at the presence of our senses. From these few things you can see that we know better than they whether it is well or ill with them. If they are cold to their wives it is ill with them, and if they are warm towards their wives it is well with them. Wives are therefore continually meditating means whereby their husbands shall be warm and not cold towards them, and doing so with a penetration inscrutable to the men."
[5] After these words a sound was heard as if the dove moaned; and the wives said, "This is an intimation to us that though we would divulge profounder arcana, we must not do so. Perhaps you will tell men those which you have heard?"
I answered, "I had planned to do so. Will it do harm?"
After conferring about it the wives said, "Publish the arcana if you wish. We are not in the dark about the power of persuasion which wives possess. For they will say to their husbands, 'The man is making game. These are fables. He makes a jest of appearances, with the usual masculine drollery. Do not believe him, believe us. We know that you are loves and we, obediences. Publish the arcana then if you wish. But husbands will not hang upon your lips, but upon the lips of their wives which they kiss."
Footnotes:
1. These Memorabilia occur again in True Christian Religion 694.
208. The Second Relation:
While I was in meditation upon the secrets of conjugial love stored up with wives, a golden rain appeared again as described above; and I remembered that it fell upon a hall in the east where three conjugial loves dwelt, that is, three married pairs who tenderly loved each other; seeing which, as if invited by the sweetness of meditation on that love, I hastened thither. And as I approached, the rain from being golden became purple, then scarlet, and when I came near it was opaline like dew. I knocked, and the door was opened; and I said to the attendant, 'Announce to the husbands that he is here again who came before with an angel, asking that he be permitted to enter for a conversation.' The attendant returned and signified the assent of the husbands, and I went in. The three husbands with their wives were together in an open court, and on being saluted, kindly returned the salutation. And I asked the wives whether the white dove appeared afterwards at the window.
They said, 'It did this very day, and it spread its wings too. From which we augured your presence and your request for the disclosure of yet one more secret respecting conjugial love.' I asked, 'Why do you say one, and yet I have come hither to learn many?'
They replied, 'They are secrets; and some so far surpass your wisdom that the understanding of your thought cannot apprehend them. You exult over us on account of your wisdom, but we do not exult over you on account of ours; and yet ours excels yours, in that it enters into your inclinations and affections, and sees, perceives, and feels them. You know nothing at all about the inclinations and affections of your love, although it is from these and according to them that your understanding thinks, and from these and according to them, therefore, that you are wise. And yet wives know them in their husbands so well that they see them in their faces, hear them in the tones of the speech out of their mouths, yea, they feel them upon their breasts, arms, and cheeks. But from the zeal of love for your happiness, and at the same time for our own, we feign not to know them; and yet we regulate them so prudently, that whatever is to the liking, pleasure, and will of our husbands we follow, by permitting and bearing and bending them only when possible, but never constraining.' I asked, 'Whence have you this wisdom?'
They answered, 'It is inherent in us from creation, and thence from birth. Our husbands liken it to instinct; but we say it is of the Divine Providence, to the end that men may be made happy by their wives. We have heard from our husbands that the Lord wills that the male man shall act from freedom according to reason; and that to this end the Lord Himself from within, regulates his freedom, which regards the inclinations and affections, and from without by means of his wife; and that thus He forms the man with his wife into an angel of heaven. And besides, love, if constrained, changes its essence and becomes not that love. But of these things we shall speak more openly. We are moved to this, that is, to prudence in regulating the inclinations and affections of our husbands so that they appear to themselves to act from freedom according to their reason, because we have delight from their love, and love nothing more than that they shall have delight from our delights; which if they become cheap to them, also grow dull with us.'
Having said this one of the wives went into an inner chamber, and on returning said, 'My dove still flutters its wings, which is a sign that we may disclose more.' And they added, 'We have observed various changes of the inclinations and affections of men; as that husbands when they think vain thoughts against the Lord and the church are cold to their wives; that they are cold when in the pride of their own intelligence; that they are cold when they look upon other women from concupiscence; that they are cold when their attention is directed by their wives to love; and many other changes. Also that they are cold with varied cold. We observe this from a shrinking back of the sense from their eyes, ears, and body at the presence of our senses. From these few examples you can see that we know better than men whether it is well or ill with them. If they are cold to their wives it is ill with them, and if they are warm towards their wives it is well with them. Wives are therefore, continually devising means whereby men shall be warm and not cold towards them, and they devise them with a penetration inscrutable to men.'
After these words a sound was heard as if the dove moaned; and then the wives said, 'This is an intimation to us that we would divulge profounder secrets which however it is not permitted to divulge. Perhaps you will disclose to men those that you have heard?' I answered, ‘I intend to do this. What harm from it?'
After conversing together about it the wives said, 'Publish them if you wish. The power of persuasion that wives possess is not hidden from us. For they will say to their husbands, 'The man is in sport. They are fables. He is jesting from appearances, and according to the accustomed pleasantries of men. Do not believe him, believe us. We know that you are loves and we are obediences.' Publish them then if you wish. But husbands will not depend on your mouth, but on the mouths of their wives which they kiss.'
208. Alterum 1Memorabile. Cum in meditatione eram de Arcanis Amoris Conjugialis reconditis apud uxores, iterum apparuit Pluvia aurea, quae supra; et recordatus sum, quod illa stillaret super Aulam in Oriente, ubi vivebant tres Amores conjugiales, hoc est, tres Conjuges, qui se tenere amabant; qua visa, ego a dulcedine meditationis illius amoris sicut invitatus, properavi illuc, et dum appropinquavi, Pluvia illa ex aurea facta est purpurea, 2dein coccinea, et cum prope eram, instar roris opalina; ac pulsavi, et aperiebatur janua; et ad satellitem dixi, "refer ad maritos, quod iterum adsit, qui prius cum Angelo, petens, ut liceat intrare ad colloquium;" ac satelles redit, et ex maritis annuit, et ingressus sum; ac tres Mariti cum suis Uxoribus simul erant in Hypaethro, ac salutati cum favore resalutabant: et quaesivi Uxores, num candida illa Columba in fenestra postea apparuerit; dixerunt, quod etiam hodie, et quoque quod expanserit alas; "ex qua augurati sumus praesentiam tuam, ac sollicitationem de aperiendo adhuc unum Arcanum amoris conjugialis;" et quaesivi, "cur dicitis unum, et tamen huc veni ad sciendum plura;"
[2] et responderunt, "sunt arcana, et quaedam excedunt sapientiam vestram in tantum, ut intellectus vestrae cogitationis non possit illa capere; gloriamini super nos ex vestra sapientia, sed nos non gloriamur super vos ex nostra, et tamen nostra eminet super vestram, quia intrat inclinationes et affectiones vestras, ac videt, percipit et sentit illas; vos prorsus nihil scitis de inclinationibus et affectionibus amoris vestri, et tamen illae sunt, ex quibus et secundum quas intellectus vester cogitat, proinde ex quibus et secundum quas vos estis sapientes; et tamen uxores tam probe sciunt illas in maritis suis, ut videant illas in faciebus illorum, et audiant illas ex sonis loquelae oris illorum, imo palpent illas super pectoribus, brachiis et genis illorum: at nos ex zelo amoris pro vestra felicitate et simul nostra, dissimulamus sicut non sciamus illas, et tamen moderamur illas tam prudenter, ut quicquid est lubitus, placiti et voluntatis maritorum nostrorum, sequamur permittendo et patiendo, et solum flectendo dum possibile, at nusquam cogendo."
[3] Quaesivi, "unde vobis illa sapientia;" responderunt, "est ex creatione et inde nativitate nobis insita; mariti nostri assimilant illam instinctui, nos autem dicimus illam esse ex Divina Providentia, ut viri per uxores suas reddantur felices; audivimus ex Maritis nostris, quod Dominus velit ut homo masculus ex libero secundum rationem agat, et quod ideo liberum ejus, quod spectat inclinationes et affectiones, Ipse Dominus ab interiori moderetur, et quod per Uxorem ejus ab exteriori, et quod sic formet Virum cum ejus Uxore in Angelum Coeli; ac praeterea Amor mutat suam essentiam, et non fit ille Amor, si cogitur: sed haec apertius dicemus; nos movemur ad illud, hoc est, ad prudentiam moderandi inclinationes et affectiones maritorum nostrorum, adeo, ut videantur sibi ex libero secundum rationem suam agere, ex causa, quia delitiamur ex amore illorum, et non plus amamus quam ut illi delitientur 3ex nostris delitiis, quae si vilescunt apud illos, etiam apud nos hebescunt."
[4] His dictis, intravit una ex Uxoribus in thalamum, et rediens dixit, "Columba mea adhuc vibrat alas, quod signum est, ut plura detegamus;" et dixerunt, "observavimus mutationes inclinationum et affectionum virorum varias, ut quod ad uxores frigeant, dum mariti cogitant vana contra Dominum et Ecclesiam; quod frigeant dum in fastu sunt ex propria intelligentia; quod frigeant dum mulieres alienas spectant ex concupiscentia; quod frigeant dum advertuntur ab uxoribus de Amore, praeter plura; et quod frigeant frigore vario; hoc animadvertimus ex retractione sensus ex oculis, auribus et corpore illorum ad praesentiam nostrorum sensuum: ex his paucis videre potes, quod nos prae viris sciamus, num illis bene sit, vel num male; si frigent ad uxores, est illis male, at si calent ad uxores, est illis bene; quare uxores continue versant animis media, ut viri ad illas caleant et non frigeant, et illa versant perspicacia viris imperscrutabili."
[5] His dictis, auditum est sicut Columba gemeret, et tunc dixerunt uxores, "hoc indicium nobis est, quod aveamus arcaniora evulgare, quae tamen non licet; forte illa quae audivisti, manifestas viris;" et respondi, "hoc intendo; quid noxae inde;" uxores postquam de hoc inter se colloquutae sunt, dixerunt, "manifesta si vis; non latet nos qualis potentia persuadendi est uxoribus, dicent enim maritis suis, 'ludit ille vir, sunt fabulae, jocatur ex apparentiis, et ex suetis virorum nugis; ne credite illi, sed credite nobis; nos scimus, quod vos sitis Amores et nos Obedientiae;' quare manifesta si vis, at usque Mariti non pendebunt ex tuo ore, sed ex oribus Uxorum suarum quae osculantur."
Footnotes:
1. Prima editio: Allerum
2. Prima editio: purputea,
3. Prima editio: delicientur