290、对前面所引用的经历，有必要补充以下内容。当主首先允许我与灵人和天使交谈时，这个秘密就立刻透露给我。我从天上被告知，和其他人一样，我也以为我从自己思考和意愿；而事实上，没有任何东西来自我自己。若为良善，它来自主，若为邪恶，则来自地狱。这是千真万确的，对此，我有活生生的证据，因为各种思维和情感被施加于我，以致最后我能觉察并感受到这一点。自此以后，一旦有什么邪恶钻进我的意愿，或有什么虚假钻进我的思维，我就探查它的来源，这来源也向我透露。我还被允许与它所来自的那些人交谈，斥责他们，迫使他们离开。这意味着他们收回自己的邪恶和虚假，把它们留给自己，不再将这类东西注入我的思维。这种事在我身上发生过上千次；我一直处于这种状态，到现在已经有好几年了，并且还会继续处于这种状态。然而，和其他人一样，我也觉得我似乎从自己思考和意愿，没有什么不同。因为按照主的圣治，表面上看，每个人都应该这样，这在前面适当地方已经解释了。一些新来的灵人对我的这种状态感到困惑不解，因为在他们看来，我根本不从我自己思考或意愿，因而就像某种空洞的东西。但我向他们解释了这个秘密，然后补充说，我在作更深入的思考，并感知正流入我外在思维的，是什么东西，它是来自天堂，还是来自地狱，并弃绝来自地狱的东西，接受来自天堂的东西。我仍觉得我似乎正在从自己思考和意愿，和他们一样。
290. To the empirical evidence already presented I should add also the following:
When I was granted by the Lord to speak with spirits and angels, the foregoing secret was immediately disclosed to me. For I was told from heaven that I believed as others that I think and will of myself, even though nothing springs from me, but that if it is good, it comes from the Lord, and that if it is evil, it comes from hell.
The reality of this was moreover personally demonstrated to me by my having various thoughts and affections induced in me, and it was gradually granted me to perceive and sensibly feel it. After that, therefore, as soon as some evil crept into my will, or some falsity into my thought, I inquired into its source and it was disclosed to me; and I was also granted to speak with its originators, to rebuke them and compel them to go away, and so to take back their evil and falsity and keep it to themselves, and not to infuse such a thing into my thought any longer.
I have done this a thousand times. I have, moreover, continued in this state now for many years, and continue still in it. And yet I seem to myself to think and will of myself, like others, without any difference. For it is of the Lord's providence that it so appear to everyone, as we showed above in its own section.
Newly arrived spirits marvel at this state of mine, seeing nothing more than that I do not think and will anything of myself, and that I am therefore like a kind of empty vessel. But I have revealed this secret to them, and say further that I also think more interiorly, and perceive what flows into my outer thought, as to whether it comes from heaven or from hell, that I accept the first and reject the other, and yet seem to myself to think and will, like others, of myself.
290. I need to add the following to the experiences already cited. When the Lord first allowed me to talk with spirits and angels, this secret was immediately made known to me. I was told from heaven that, like others, I believed that I was thinking and intending on my own, when in fact nothing was coming from me. If it was good, it was coming from the Lord, and if it was bad, it was coming from hell. I was shown this at first hand by having various thoughts and desires imposed on me so that eventually I could feel and sense it. So later, as soon as anything evil impinged on my volition or anything false on my thoughts, I asked where it was coming from and was shown. I was also allowed to talk with the people it came from, to rebut them, and to make them go away. This meant that they took their evil and falsity back and kept it to themselves, no longer instilling anything of the sort into my thoughts. This has happened thousands of times; and I have been in this state now for a number of years and still am to the present time. Nevertheless, I seem to myself to be thinking and intending on my own just like everyone else, with no difference at all. It seems like this to everyone because of the Lord's divine providence, as explained at the appropriate point above.
Some newly arrived spirits were bewildered by my state. It looked to them exactly as though I was not thinking or intending anything on my own, and that I was therefore like something empty. However, I explained the mystery to them. I added that I was thinking more deeply and sensing what was flowing into my more outward thinking, seeing whether it was coming from heaven or from hell, rejecting the one and accepting the other. It still seemed to me as though I was thinking and intending on my own, just like them.
290. To the experience already set forth this also is to be added: When it was granted me by the Lord to speak with spirits and angels this interior truth (arcanum) was immediately disclosed to me. For I was told from heaven that, like others, I believed that I thought and willed from myself when in fact there was nothing from myself but if there was good it originated from the Lord, and if evil it originated from hell. That this was so was demonstrated to me in a realistic manner by various thoughts and affections induced upon me, and I was enabled gradually to perceive it and to feel it. Therefore, as soon as any evil afterwards entered into my will or any falsity into my thought, I inquired into its source. This was disclosed to me, and I was also permitted to speak with those from whom it came, to refute them, and to compel them to withdraw and thus to retract their evil and their falsity and to keep them to themselves, and no longer to infuse any such thing into my thought. This has happened a thousand times; and in this state I have remained now for many years, and I continue in it still; and yet I seem to myself to think and to will from myself like others, with no difference, for it is of the Lord's Providence that it should so appear to everyone, as was shown above in its own place. Spirits who have newly arrived wonder at this state of mine, only seeing that I do not think and will anything from myself, and therefore that I am like some inane creature. But I revealed the truth to them; adding that I also think even more interiorly and perceive whether what flows into my exterior thought is from heaven or from hell; and that I reject what is from hell and accept what is from heaven; assuring them that still I seem to myself, just as they do, to think and to will from myself.
290. To the experiences already presented let this be added: When it was granted me by the Lord to speak with spirits and angels this arcanum was at once disclosed to me; for I was told from heaven that, like others, I believed that I thought and that I willed from myself, yet in fact nothing was from myself, but if good it was from the Lord, and if evil it was from hell. That this was true I had a living proof in various thoughts and affections induced upon me, and gradually it was granted me to perceive and to feel it; and thereafter as soon as any evil glided into my will, or any falsity into my thought, I inquired into its source, and this was disclosed to me, and I was permitted to speak with those from whom it came, to reprove them, and to compel them to withdraw, and thus to take back their evil and their falsity and to keep them to themselves, and no longer to infuse any such thing into my thought. This I have done a thousand times; and I have now continued in this state for several years, and continue in it still; and yet I seem to myself to think and to will from myself, like others, with no difference; for it is of the Lord's providence that it should so appear to every one, as has been shown above in its proper place. Novitiate spirits wonder at this state of mine, for it seems to them that I have no thought or will at all from myself, and am therefore like an empty something. But I laid open the mystery to them, showing that while I think interiorly and perceive what flows into my exterior thoughts, and whether it is from heaven or from hell, and reject what is from hell and receive what is from heaven, I still seem to myself to think and to will from myself, as it seems to them.
290. Allatis experientiis etiam haec adjicienda est: quando mihi datum est a Domino loqui cum spiritibus et angelis, hoc arcanum mihi statim detectum est; dictum enim mihi est e Coelo, quod credam sicut alii, quod cogitem et quod velim ex me, cum tamen nihil ex me, sed si bonum, quod sit a Domino, et si malum, quod sit ab inferno: quod ita esset, etiam per varias inductas cogitationes et affectiones mihi 1ad vivum demonstratum est, et successive datum id percipere et sentire; quare postea, ut primum aliquod malum in voluntatem, aut aliquod falsum in cogitationem illapsum est, inquisivi unde illud, et mihi detectum est, et quoque datum est cum illis loqui, illos redarguere, et adigere ut recederent, et sic suum malum et falsum retraherent, et apud se retinerent, et non tale quid cogitationi meae amplius infunderent: hoc millies factum est; et in hoc statu nunc per plures annos permansi, et in eo adhuc permaneo; et usque videor 2mihi cogitare et velle ex me sicut alii, cum nulla differentia; ex Domini enim Providentia est ut cuivis ita appareat, ut supra in suo Articulo ostensum est. Spiritus novitii mirantur hunc meum statum, non videntes aliter quam quod non quicquam ex me cogitem et velim, et ideo quod sim sicut quoddam inane; verum illis aperui arcanum; 3et adhuc, quod etiam interius cogitem, et percipiam quid in cogitationem meam exteriorem influit, num e Coelo vel num ex inferno, et quod hoc rejiciam, et illud recipiam, et quod usque videar mihi, sicut illi, ex me cogitare et velle.
Footnotes:
1 Prima editio: mihi
2 Prima editio: vid�or
3 Prima editio: arca / canum;