291、⒇在一方屈服，因而受制于对方的夫妻之间可能会有各种表面的爱情和友谊。当今世界，一个广为人知的事实是，婚姻最初的日子过后，夫妻在权利和权威上的较量就开始了。说到权利，他们声称，平等是由所订立的协定条款规定的，夫妻双方应各司其职；说到权利，男人坚称，男人在一切家庭事务上都享有优势地位，因为他们是男人；而女人就是劣势的那一方，因为她们是女人。如今，这种家庭地位的较量唯源于缺乏有关真正婚姻之爱的知识，还缺乏对这爱何等蒙福的任何感受。由于这种知识和感受的缺乏，一种仿造爱情的欲望便取代了这爱。在缺乏真爱的情况下，这欲望使人们萌发了追求权力的野心。有些男人从控制欲的快乐中获得这种野心，有些男人所拥有的野心是婚前由狡猾的女人植入的；有些男人则没有意识到它。
有这种野心的男人经过轮番较量获得控制权后，使妻子要么沦为他们的合法财产，要么屈从他们的意志，要么处于奴役状态，各自情况视其野心大小和他们所固有或潜在的素质而定。然而，有这种野心的女人经过轮番较量获得控制权后，则使丈夫要么与自己权利均等，要么屈从她们的意志，要么处于奴役状态。不过，一旦妻子从她们的丈夫那里夺得控制权，她们会与自己的丈夫过上一种友好生活，因为存留在妻子身上的欲望会仿造婚姻之爱，并且如果她们的权力超出许可范围，走得太远，这种欲望就会受到法律和畏惧正当分离的约束
至于一个强权的妻子和一个驯服的丈夫，以及一个强权的丈夫和一个驯服的妻子之间的爱情和友谊是何性质，则无法用几句话说清楚。事实上，要详细比较它们之间的不同，并一一列举出来，只怕篇幅不够用，因为它们各不相同，多种多样。有些不同之处既取决于男人野心的性质，同样取决于女人野心的性质。男人的野心不同于女人的。这样的男人只能体验到一种愚昧的爱情友谊；而这样的女人出于欲望，只能体验到一种虚假爱情的友谊。下一节我们会讨论哪些手段能使妻子获得对丈夫的权力。
291、（20）当一方被另一方所控制，而一方对另一方处于恭维状态时，可能会有各种表面上的爱和友谊。
当夫妇俩经历了婚姻的起始阶段后，他们之间会对权力的争达。这种争夺将婚姻之约所意味着的平等权，以及每个人都有自己相对应的职责抛之在外。这种纷争会因男人认为自己优于妇人而要控制家务而产生，这点众所周知。
这种争夺是因为如今的人们不知道什么是真正的婚姻之爱，也不知道这种爱会带来怎样的幸福。因此会产生对占有权的渴望，没有真正的爱，出于对权力的渴望，在某些情况下会出现从控制权中得到快乐。有些情况下一些精明的女人在婚前就有这样的计划，有时，这种结果是被挑衅而造成的。
在男人有对这种控制权的渴望并且在争夺中获胜时，他会视妻子为自己可以随意抛弃的财产，或者是受其控制的女仆。另一方面，当女人在争斗中获胜时妻子会将丈夫视为与其同等地位，或者是服从于她的仆人。不同的是在女人取得了控制权后，占有欲伪装成婚姻之爱仍然存在，只是因为法律或者怕丈夫与自己分离而得到一定的约束， 她们此时能与丈夫一起过着和睦的生活。
但是，会有什么样的爱或友谊存在于强权的妻子或强权的丈夫之间呢？这是无法简单几句话能说清的，这会因男女的性格而不同。强权的男人在这种夫妻关系中不会感到友谊或爱，而女人有来自于对占有欲的渴望的虚幻的爱。
关于女人是通过什么手段而得以控制男人，我们在下面段落中继续讲。
291. (xx) Various kinds of apparent love and friendship are possible between couples, one of whom is dominated and thus subject to the other.
It is one of the known facts of life in the world today that after the first days of a marriage are over, rivalry over rights and power begins to affect the couple. They speak of rights, asserting that equality is laid down by the terms of the compact entered into, and each has his proper place in performing the duties of his station; of power, asserting that men insistently claim the superiority in all matters at home, because they are men, and they assign inferiority to women, because they are women. Such rivalry in households today are due to nothing but the lack of any consciousness of truly conjugial love and the lack of any feeling of how blessed that love is. Their absence substitutes for that love a desire which counterfeits that love. This desire, in the absence of the genuine love, makes people ambitious for power. Some people get this ambition from the pleasure of a love of mastery, some have it implanted by crafty women before the wedding, and some are unaware of it.
[2] Men with that ambition, who after the ups and downs of rivalry establish control, reduce their wives either to accepting their rights or deferring to their decisions, or to servitude; in each case the result depends on how strong that ambition is and what kind of underlying state they have buried in their personality. However, if wives have that ambition, and after the ups and downs of rivalry gain control, they reduce their husbands either to equality of rights with themselves, or to deference to their decisions, or to servitude. But once wives have wrested control from their husbands, they live a companionable life with them since they retain a desire which counterfeits conjugial love and is restrained by the law and the fear of a legal separation, if they stretch their powers beyond what is permissible and go too far.
[3] It is impossible to give a brief description of the nature of love and friendship between a dominant wife and a subservient husband, as well as between a dominant husband and a subservient wife. In fact, pages would not be enough to classify all their differences into species and to list them, so varied and diverse are they. There are differences which depend on the nature of men's ambitions, and likewise on women's ambitions. Those of men differ from those of women. For such men can only experience a foolish kind of friendship based on love, and such women only a friendship based on a spurious kind of love arising from desire. The skills which enable wives to gain power over their husbands will be discussed in the next section.
291. 20. Various types of apparent love and friendship are possible between partners in cases where one has been subjugated and is thus subservient to the other. After a married couple has passed through the initial stages of marriage, contests arise between them over who has what right and who has what power. The dispute over who has what right turns about the fact that according to the terms of their compact and covenant they have equality, and yet each has his own standing in duties connected with his role. The dispute over who has what power then arises from the fact that men insist on having superiority in all matters affecting the household just because they are men, leaving women in a position of inferiority just because they are women. That this is what happens is something people are aware of in today's world.
Such familiar contests at the present day spring from no other circumstance than people's ignorance of true conjugial love and their lack of any perception or sensation of the blessings of that love. In the absence of an awareness and perception or sensation of these things, instead of true conjugial love comes a desire to possess which masquerades as that love. With genuine love removed, from this desire wells a striving for power, an endeavor which in some cases is a matter of delight arising from a love of ruling, which in some cases is a tactic instilled by shrewd women before the wedding, and which in some cases is provoked.
[2] When men have this as their endeavor and after a succession of struggles obtain the mastery, they then reduce their wives to the condition of being either a possession at their disposal, or toadies obedient to their will, or indentured servants, depending on the degree of their will to prevail and the capability they have inherent or latent in them. On the other hand, if wives have this as their endeavor and after a succession of struggles obtain the mastery, they then reduce their husbands to the condition of being either equal to them in privilege, or toadies obedient to their will, or indentured servants. However, in the case of wives, after they have obtained the scepter of command, their desire to possess that masquerades as conjugial love remains, being held in check by law and the fear of legitimate separation if they extend their power beyond just limits; and since it remains, they therefore lead a companionable life with their husbands.
[3] But what sort of love and friendship exists between a domineering wife and a subservient husband, or between a domineering husband and a subservient wife, cannot be described in a few words. Even if their different types were condensed into classes and these classes were listed, several pages would not suffice; for they vary in character and kind. They vary in character in the case of men according to the nature of their will to prevail; so likewise in the case of wives. And their diversities in men differ in kind from those which are identifiable with women. They differ in kind, because men of this sort feel no friendship of love other than a foolish one, whereas wives feel the friendship of an illusory love stemming from their desire to possess.
By what art wives acquire for themselves power over men shall now be told under the following heading.
291. 20. There are many different types of pretended love and friendship between married partners if one is dominated and must obey the other.
One of the things we know in this world today is that rivalries over rights and authority spring up between married partners, once their newly married state has passed. They vie for their rights, as the conditions of their contract make them equal and give them equal dignity in the performance of their roles. They vie for authority, as men insist on being the leaders in domestic affairs because they are men and think women inferior because they are women.
These family rivalries of our day come from only one source - failure to appreciate real love in marriage and lack of sensibly perceiving its blessings. Without these, you do not have love in marriage, but a counterfeit of it - lust. From this lust, without genuine love, comes strife over power. Some get this from their pleasure in the love of ruling, some have been introduced to it by designing women before marriage, and others do not know it.
Men who have this ambition and get the upper hand after the struggles of rivalry reduce their wives either to the level of rightful possessions or to obedience under their will, or to slavery. It depends on the amount and kind of ambition each particular man has inborn and latent in himself. If wives with this ambition get the upper hand after the give - and - take of rivalry, they reduce their husbands either to equal rights with themselves or to obedience under their will, or to slavery. But after wives win the staff of authority, they still retain a lust that passes for married love, so they lead a companionable life with their husbands - the lust being restrained by law and the fear of justified separation in case they extend their authority past acceptable limits.
It would take many words to describe the kind of love and friendship there is between a dominating wife and a servile husband or a dominating husband and a servile wife. In fact, there would not be enough pages to list the varieties of it under headings and discuss them, for they are varied and different. They vary according to the kinds of ambition that men have, and the kinds wives have, and men's ambitions are different from women's.
Men like that have no friendship of love except a foolish one, and wives like that have the friendship of a false love from selfish desire. But the next article tells how wives gain power over men.
291. XX. THAT THERE ARE VARIOUS KINDS OF APPARENT LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP BETWEEN MARRIED PARTNERS, OF WHOM THE ONE IS SUBJUGATED AND HENCE IS SUBJECT TO THE OTHER. It is among things known in the world at this day, that after the first period of marriage, rivalries spring up between the partners in respect to right and authority--in respect to right, because according to the conditions of the contracted covenant there is equality, and dignity belongs to each of the partners in the duties of his function; and in respect to authority, because it is insisted on by men, that superiority in all affairs of the house belongs to them because they are men, and that inferiority belongs to women because they are women. Such rivalries, familiar at this day, flow from no other source than the absence of any knowledge concerning love truly conjugial, and the absence of any perception of sensation in respect to the blessings of that love. Owing to the absence of this knowledge and perception, instead of that love is a lust which counterfeits the love. With genuine love removed, then from this lust, there issues an ambition for power. With some men, this ambition is within them from the delight of domineering; with some it has been implanted before the wedding by artful women; and to some it is unknown.
[2] Men who have this ambition, and after alternations of rivalry obtain the dominion, reduce their wives to being their possession by right, or to abject obedience to their will, or to bondage, each according to the degree of his ambition and to the qualified nature of the state inseated and latent within him. If wives have this ambition, and after alternations of rivalry obtain the dominion, they reduce their husbands either to equality of right with themselves or to obedience to their decisions, or to bondage. But since, after obtaining from them the badge of dominion, the lust which remains with wives counterfeits conjugial love, because restrained by reason of the law and from fear of legal separation should they stretch their power beyond what is lawful to what is unlawful, therefore they lead a life in consociation with their husbands.
[3] As to the nature of the love and friendship between a dominant wife and a servant husband, or a dominant husband and a servant wife, this cannot be described in a few words. Indeed, were the differences between them compared in detail, and the differences themselves enumerated, pages would not suffice; for they are various and diverse. With the men they are various according to the nature of their ambition, being in like manner various with the wives; and those of men are diverse from those which are with women. Such men are in none but a fatuous friendship of love, and such women from lust are in the friendship of a spurious love. By what art wives acquire power over their men shall be told in the article now following.
291. (xx) Various sorts of apparent love and friendship are to be found between partners one of whom has been subjugated and thus is subject to the other. It is among things known in the world today that when the first period of marriage is past, strivings spring up between partners over rights and authority - over rights, because according to the terms of the covenant contracted there should be equality, and each should have his station in the duties of his function; and over authority, because superiority in all things at home is insisted on by the men because they are men, while women are made inferior because they are women. Such strivings, notorious today, result from nothing but a lack of conscience about true marital love and of sensitiveness to the beatitudes of that love. Then, instead of that love, there is lust which counterfeits it. From the lust, with genuine love removed, there issues a striving for power, in some due to the enjoyment of the love of domineering, in others implanted by artful women before marriage, and in some not traceable otherwise.
[2] Men with such ambition, on obtaining the mastery after the vicissitudes of rivalry, reduce their wives either to chattels under the law, or into puppets of their will, or to slaves, each according to the degree and the peculiarity of the striving implanted and latent in him. But wives with this striving, on obtaining the mastery after the vicissitudes of rivalry, reduce their husbands either to an equality of right with themselves, or into puppets of their will, or to slaves. But after wives have obtained the fasces of authority, there remains with them a lust which counterfeits marital love (a lust restrained by law and by fear of legitimate separation in case they push their authority beyond what is lawful to what is unlawful); they therefore lead a consociate life with their husbands.
[3] But it is impossible to describe the nature of the love and friendship between a dominating wife and a servile husband or between a dominating husband and a subservient wife. In fact, if the varieties were grouped in species, and these recounted, pages would not suffice. For they are various and diverse: varying according to the nature of the ambition with men, varying similarly with the wives, and diverse as between men and women. The friendship of love in which such men are, is a fatuous one, and the wives are in a friendship of spurious love from lust. In the following section we shall tell by what art wives acquire power over men.
291. (20) That there are different kinds of apparent love and friendship between married partners, one of whom is subjugated, and is therefore, subject to the other. It is among the things known in the world at the present day that, after the first period of married life has passed, emulations spring up between married partners in respect to right and authority - as respects right, in that according to the conditions of the covenant made there is equality, and each has dignity in the duties of his or her function; and as to authority, in that superiority is insisted on by men in all affairs of the house because they are men, and women are held to be inferior, because they are women. Such rivalries familiar at this day, arise from no other source than that there is no consciousness of love truly conjugial and no sensible perception of the beatitudes of that love, from the absence of which, instead of that love there is lust, which counterfeits that love. From this lust, genuine love being absent, there issues a striving for power, which in some is from the delight of the love of ruling, with some has been implanted by artful women before the nuptials, and to some is unknown. Men, who are in this striving, and after the vicissitudes of emulation obtain the mastery, either reduce their wives to be their rightful possession or reduce them into obedience to their will, or into bondage, each man according the degree and the peculiar state of the striving inherent and latent in himself. But if wives are in this ambition, and after the turns of emulation obtain the mastery, they either bring their husbands into equality of right with themselves, or into obedience to their will, or into bondage. But as there remains with wives, after the fasces of authority have been won by them, the lust which counterfeits conjugial love - being restrained by law, and by the fear of legitimate separation in case they extend their authority beyond what is allowable, to what is not allowable - they lead therefore, a consociate life with their husbands. But what kind of love and friendship there is between a dominating wife and a servile husband, or between a dominating husband and a subservient wife cannot be described in a few words. Yea, if their differences were brought together in species, and these recounted, pages would not suffice. For they are various and diverse, according to the nature of the ambition with men, similarly various with the wives, and those of men are diverse from those that are with women. For such men are in no friendship of love but what is fatuous, and such wives are in the friendship of spurious love from lust. But it shall be told now in the following section by what art wives acquire power over men.
291. XX: Quod variae species apparentis amoris et amicitiae dentur inter conjuges, quorum unus est subjugatus, et inde subjectus alteri. Quod post exacta prima tempora conjugii inter conjuges oboriantur aemulationes de jure et potestate; de jure, quod secundum statuta pacti foederis sit aequalitas, et cuivis dignitas in officiis suae functionis; et de potestate, quod insistatur a viris in omnibus rebus domi superioritas, quia sunt viri, et foeminis sit inferioritas, quia sunt foeminae, inter cognita in Mundo hodierno sunt. Tales aemulationes hodie familiares non aliunde fluunt, quam ex nulla conscientia de amore vere conjugiali, et ex nulla perceptione sensus de beatitudinibus illius amoris; ex quarum absentia pro amore illo est cupido, quae mentitur illum amorem; ex hac cupidine, remoto genuino amore, profluit ambitus de potestate, qui quibusdam inest ex jucundo amoris dominandi, quibusdam implantatus est a sciis foeminis ante nuptias, et quibusdam est ignitus: 1
[2] Viri qui in hoc ambitu sunt, et post aemulationis vices imperium obtinent, redigunt uxores vel in possessionem sui juris, vel in obsequia sui arbitrii, vel in mancipia, quisque secundum ambitus illius gradum et qualificatum statum insitum et latentem apud se; si autem Uxores in hoc ambitu sunt, et post aemulationis vices imperium obtinent, redigunt maritos suos vel in aequalitatem juris secum, vel in obsequia sui arbitrii, vel in mancipia; at quoniam apud uxores, post obtentos imperii fasces ab illis, remanet cupido quae mentitur amorem conjugialem, refraenata ex lege et ex timore separationis legitimae, si potestatem suam ultra fas in nefas extendunt, ideo consociam vitam cum maritis agunt.
[3] Qualis autem amor et amicitia inter dominam uxorem et maritum servum, tum qualis inter dominum maritum et uxorem servam, intercedit, non potest paucis verbis describi; imo si differentiae illarum conferrentur in species, et hae recenserentur, non sufficerent paginae; sunt enim variae et diversae, variae secundum ambitus naturam apud viros, similiter variae apud uxores; et diversae virorum ab illis, quae sunt apud foeminas; viri tales enim in nulla amicitia amoris sunt nisi fatua, et uxores in amicitia amoris spurii ex cupidine. Qua autem arte uxores potestatem super viros sibi comparant, in nunc sequente Articulo dicetur.
Footnotes:
1. Prima editio: ignotus: