295、本章主要从属于理解力的理性角度来论述订婚和婚礼，以及它们所涉及的仪式。因为本书所写内容旨在让读者能凭自己的理性之光看到真相，从而赞成它们，因为只有这样，他的灵才会信服。使灵信服的事实被赋予比未请教理性，只是由于某人如此说并出于对此人权威的信靠所进入的事实还要高的位置。因为后者无法进一步渗透到大脑中，只能停留在记忆里，在此与谬论并虚假混在一起，以致它们占据了比属于理解力的理性事物还要低的位置。谁都能利用它们貌似理性说话，不过，是以倒退的方式说话。因为这时，他思考起来就像一只螃蟹在行走，两眼只盯着它的尾巴。但是，若他出于其理解来思考，情况就不同了。每当他如此思考时，其理性视觉就会从他的记忆中拣选合适的信息，以使他能证明他在自己里面所看到的真理。
正因如此，本章所引用的大量细节，都是些约定俗成的做法；如，做选择的是男人；必须征求父母的意见；要给予信物；婚礼之前必须订立婚约；这个婚约要由牧师来祝圣；要举行婚礼，还有许多其它事。引证这些是为了让人能凭自己的理性官能明白，这类事作为促进并完现婚姻之爱的必备条件，被铭刻在婚姻之爱上。
这次讨论所分成的若干节依次如下：
⑴选择追求谁是男人的特权，而非女人的。
⑵男人应追求女人，向她求婚，反过来不行。
⑶女方在同意之前必须征求父母或监护人的意见，然后再私自慎重考虑。
⑷女方宣布同意后，要给予信物。
⑸要通过正式订婚确认并确定他们同意结婚。
⑹双方通过订婚为婚姻之爱做好准备。
⑺双方的心智通过订婚彼此联结，以便灵的婚姻在身体婚姻之前进行。
⑻这是那些对婚姻怀有贞洁想法之人，而非那些对婚姻怀有不贞洁想法之人的情形。
⑼订婚期间，肉体的结合是不合法的。
⑽当订婚期结束时，应举行婚礼。
⑾在举行婚礼前，要当着见证人的面订立婚约。
⑿这婚姻应由牧师祝圣。
⒀婚礼要有庆祝活动。
⒁婚礼后，灵的婚姻就变成了身体的婚姻，因而是完整的。
⒂这就是婚姻之爱从最初之热发展到最初之火的正确次序和程序。
⒃婚姻之爱若不按这个正确次序和自己的程序发展，而是仓促行进，就会燃尽精华而死亡。
⒄夫妻双方的心智状态以连续次序行进，流入婚姻的状态；但对属灵人和属世人来说，方式各不相同。
⒅这是因为既有连续次序，也有同步次序，后者来自并取决于前者。
现逐一解读上述要点。
295、在此我们将讲述订婚和婚礼以及与其相关的一些规则。我们要从才智和理性方面进行讲述以使读者能认为它们有道理并有赞同态度。这样读者就会在精神上同意所读到的内容，根据自己的理性而认同某种事物所产生的立场会比因为有权威的人说如此而产生的立场更坚定。听说来的东西不会进入头脑中而只是存在于记忆中，因此它会与错误的理解相混合。这时他所做的言论就不会很有说服力。但是若人根据自己的理性而做出判断，他就会用理性来选择所说所要决定的事物。
因此，本章我们要讲一下被人们接受的一些内容。并按以下顺序来讲：
（1）选择去追求谁是男人的特权，而非女人的。
（2）男人应该追求女人，并且向她求婚，而不能相反。
（3）女人要在征求父母或监护人的意见并在谨慎考虑后才能同意。
（4）女方同意后，双方要互送礼物做为见证。
（5）他们要有正式的订婚仪式。
（6）订婚使得双方都为婚姻做好准备。
（7）通过订婚，一个头脑与另一个头脑相结合，精神的结合是在身体的结合之前。
（8）这是那些视婚姻为贞洁的人的情况，而不是那些视婚姻为非贞洁的人的情况。
（9）订婚后他们在躯体上的结合是不合法的。
（10）订婚后一段时间，应该举行婚礼。
（11）在庆祝婚礼前，结婚证明要在证人的见证下签定。
（12）婚礼应有牧师主持。
（13）婚礼要向庆祝节日一样被庆祝。
（14）婚礼后，精神的结合也是躯体上的结合，因此是完整的。
（15）这就是婚姻之爱发展的顺序，从最初的热情到它的第一个火焰。
（16）若婚姻之爱不是按顺序发展的，它会从精髓燃尽并死亡。
（17）头脑境界的发展也是有一系列顺序的，每个伴侣的境界都会进入到他们婚姻中——在精神性的人中是一个过程，在自然性的人中是另一个过程。
（18）因为一切事物中都有前后顺序和并列顺序同时存在。并列顺序从前后顺序中而来并且是遵循前后顺序的。
下面对以上进行具体解释。
295. CHAPTER XIII. ENGAGEMENTS AND WEDDINGS
This chapter deals with engagements and weddings, and the rituals they entail, particularly from the intellectual standpoint. For the purpose the contents of this book are intended to serve is to enable the reader to see true facts by the light of his own reason, and so agree to them, since this is how his spirit is convinced. Facts on which the spirit is convinced are allocated a higher position than those which are taken on trust, as coming from authority but without the reason being consulted. For these do not penetrate further into the head than the memory; and there they become mixed up with fallacious and false statements, so that they occupy a position lower than the matters of reason which belong to the intellect. Every individual can use them to speak as if rationally, but this is the wrong way round. For then his thinking is like a crab walking, looking towards its tail. But it would be different if he thought from the intellect; when he does this the sight of his reason selects suitable items from his memory to enable him to prove the truth he has seen in himself.
[2] This is the reason why many details are quoted in this chapter, which are the accepted practice; for instance, that it is for men to make a choice; parents must be consulted; pledges are to be given; a marriage compact must be made before the wedding; this is to be consecrated by a priest; and a wedding is to be celebrated. There are many more things which are brought forward to enable a person to see by his rational faculty, that such things are imprinted on conjugial love as being needed to promote and complete it.
[3] The propositions into which this study is divided follow in this order:
(i) It is for the man, not the woman, to choose.
(ii) The man should court and propose marriage to the woman, and not the reverse.
(iii) A woman ought to consult her parents or anyone who takes their place, and then take time for private deliberation before agreeing.
(iv) After the announcement of consent pledges are to be given.
(v) Their agreement is to be confirmed and established by a formal engagement.
(vi) Engagement is a means by which either party is prepared for conjugial love.
(vii) Engagement links the mind of one to that of the other, so as to bring about the marriage of the spirit before that of the body.
(viii) This is what happens to those who have chaste thoughts about marriage, not to those who have unchaste thoughts.
(ix) During the period of an engagement it is not allowable to become linked physically.
(x) When the period of the engagement is over, the wedding should take place.
(xi) Before the celebration of a wedding a marriage compact should be concluded in the presence of witnesses.
(xii) The marriage should be consecrated by a priest.
(xiii) The celebration of the wedding should be accompanied by festivities.
(xiv) After the wedding the marriage of the spirit becomes a marriage of the body, and is thus complete.
(xv) Such is the proper order and procedures of conjugial love, from its first heat to its first fire.
(xvi) If conjugial love is hurried on without this proper order and its procedures, it burns out the marrow and is consumed.
(xvii) The mental states of each partner as they advance in successive order influence the state of the marriage; but this is different in the case of spiritual and of natural people.
(xviii) This is because there are successive as well as simultaneous arrangements, and the latter are from the former and determined by them.
There now follows an explanation of these points.
295. BETROTHALS AND WEDDINGS
We take up betrothals and weddings here, and also the formalities surrounding them, treating them primarily from the perspective of the intellect and its reason. We treat them from that perspective because the matters written in this book have as their object to enable the reader to see truths in the light of his rationality and so give assent; for thus his spirit is convinced, and matters of which the spirit is convinced are accorded a standing above those which enter without the reason's being consulted, as a result of someone else's say-so and faith in his authority. Indeed, the latter do not penetrate the head any deeper than the memory, and there they become mingled together with misconceptions and falsities, so as to have a standing below rational matters which are matters of the understanding. Everyone can speak in consequence of these as though in accordance with reason, but in a backwards fashion; for he then thinks as a crab walks, with the sight following the tail. It is the other way around if he thinks in consequence of his understanding. Whenever he thinks in consequence of this, his rational sight selects appropriate matters from his memory and by them confirms in himself truth already seen.
[2] For that reason we consider in the present chapter a number of practices which are accepted customs. For example, that choosing whom to court is a prerogative of men; that parents should be consulted; that gifts should be given as pledges; that a marriage covenant should be established before the wedding; that this covenant should be sanctified by a priest; that a wedding should be celebrated; and so on. These and more are considered in order to enable a person to see in the light of his rationality that such practices are engraved on conjugial love as its prerequisites, which promote it and bring it to fulfillment.
[3] The sections into which this discussion is divided are, in order, the following:
1. Choosing whom to court is a prerogative of the man, and not of the woman.
2. The man ought to court the woman and ask her to marry him, and not the other way around.
3. The woman ought to consult her parents or guardians and then deliberate in herself before giving consent.
4. After she declares her consent, gifts should be given as pledges.
5. Their agreement to marry should be affirmed and established by a formal betrothal.
6. By betrothal each is made ready for conjugial love.
7. By betrothal the mind of one is joined to the mind of the other, so that a marriage of the spirit takes place before a marriage of the body.
8. This happens in the case of people who think chastely in regard to marriage, not so in the case of those who think unchastely in regard to it.
9. During the time of their betrothal it is not lawful for them to be joined physically.
10. After the period of their betrothal has been completed, the wedding should take place.
11. Before the celebration of the wedding, a marriage covenant should be established in the presence of witnesses.
12. The marriage should be solemnized by a priest.
13. The wedding should be celebrated with festivity.
14. After the wedding the marriage of the spirit becomes also one of the body and thus complete.
15. This is the order and its steps by which conjugial love develops, from its first warmth to its first fire.
16. If conjugial love is hastened prematurely without an orderly development and its proper steps, it burns out the marrows and dies.
17. States of mind progress in a sequential development, and in each partner these progressive states flow into the state of their marriage - though with one progression in the case of spiritual people and another in the case of people who are natural.
18. For everywhere one finds a sequential order and a concurrent order, and the concurrent order evolves from the sequential order and in accordance with it.
Explanation of these statements now follows.
295. Chapter 13. Commitments and Weddings
Commitments and weddings, and the ceremonies that go with them, are dealt with here mainly on an intellectual basis, because the purpose of the things written in this book is for the reader to agree as a result of seeing truths by his rationality. This is how his spirit is convinced. Things that your spirit is convinced of take precedence over things that come through faith in authority without the counsel of reason. These things go no further into your head than your memory, and there they mix with fallacies and false concepts, so they are inferior to rational intellectual convictions.
Anyone can seem to speak rationally from these memorized concepts, but this is backwards, for in that case he is thinking the way a crab walks - with his eyes following his tail. It is different if he thinks intellectually. When he does this his rational insight selects from his memory things appropriate to confirm the truth seen as it is. This is why this chapter brings in many things that are accepted customs, like the man choosing, parents being consulted, pledges being given, a marriage covenant being agreed on before the wedding, its being consecrated by a priest, and the wedding being celebrated. Plus many other things that are brought in so that a person will see rationally that they are attributed to married love as being necessary to promote it and fulfill it.
This study is divided into the following articles, in this order:
1. The man, not the woman, chooses.
2. It is proper for the man to court and ask the woman to marry him, and not the other way around.
3. It is proper for a woman to consult her parents or those who are in place of parents, and then consider it in her own mind, before she consents.
4. After they announce their consent they should give pledges.
5. Consent should be strengthened and confirmed by a solemn commitment.
6. Commitment prepares them both for married love.
7. Commitment joins the mind of one with the mind of the other to make the marriage spiritual before it becomes physical.
8. This is how it works for people who think about marriages chastely, but it works differently for those who think about them unchastely.
9. During the time of engagement, physical union is not allowed.
10. After a period of engagement, there should be a wedding.
11. Before the celebration of the wedding a marriage agreement should be settled in the presence of witnesses.
12. The marriage should be declared sacred by a minister.
13. The wedding should be celebrated with good fellowship.
14. After the wedding the spiritual marriage also becomes a bodily marriage and thus complete.
15. This is the development of married love by proper stages from its first warmth to its first torch.
16. Rushed into without development by proper stages, married love burns out its core and is squandered.
17. The mental states of both, following one after another in order, flow into the character of the marriage, but it is different for spiritual people than for worldly people.
18. This is because there is progressive order and simultaneous order, and the second kind is from the first and in keeping with it.
The explanation of these points follows.
295. BETROTHALS AND WEDDINGS
In this chapter, betrothals and weddings and the solemn ceremonies connected therewith are treated of chiefly from reason which pertains to the understanding; for what is written in this book has for its end that the reader may see truths from his rational understanding and so may give them his assent. In this way his spirit is convinced, and that of which the spirit is convinced is allotted a higher place in the mind than that which enters from authority and the faith thereof, without any consultation of the reason. What enters from authority alone, enters the head no farther than the memory, and there, is commingled with fallacies and falsities. Thus it has its place below things rational which pertain to the understanding. Any man can talk from the things of his memory as though rationally, but in inverted order; for he then thinks as a crab walks, the sight following the tail. Not so if he thinks from his understanding. When he does this, his rational sight makes suitable selections from the memory, and by these he confirms a truth which is seen in itself.
[2] It is for this reason that in the present chapter many things are adduced which are accepted customs; as, for instance, that choice belongs to the man; that parents are to be consulted; that pledges are to be given; that a conjugial covenant is to be entered into before the wedding; that this covenant is to be consecrated by a priest; also that the wedding should be celebrated [with festivity]; and many other things. These are adduced to the end that, from his rational understanding, man may see that they are inscribed on conjugial love as the requisites thereof, promoting and completing it.
[3] The articles into which this lucubration is divided are, in their order, the following:
I. That choice belongs to the man and not to the woman.
II. That it behooves the man to court the woman and ask her respecting marriage with him, and not the reverse.
III. That before she consents, it behooves the woman to consult her parents or those in the place of parents, and then to deliberate with herself.
IV. That after the declaration of consent, pledges are to be given.
V. That consent is to be strengthened and confirmed by a solemn betrothal.
VI. That by betrothal each is prepared for conjugial love.
VII. That by betrothal the mind of the one is conjoined to the mind of the other in order that a marriage of the spirit may take place before that of the body.
VIII. That this is the case with those who think of marriages chastely; not so with those who think of them unchastely.
IX. That during the time of betrothal it is not lawful to be conjoined corporeally.
X. That when the time of betrothal is completed, the wedding ought to take place.
XI. That before the celebration of the wedding, a conjugial covenant is to be entered into in the presence of witnesses.
XII. That the marriage is to be consecrated by a priest.
XIII. That the wedding is to be celebrated with festivity.
XIV. That after the wedding, the marriage of the spirit becomes also a marriage of the body and thus complete.
XV. That such is the order of conjugial love, with its modes, from its first heat to its first torch.
XVI. That conjugial love, precipitated without order and its modes, burns out the marrows and is consumed.
XVII. That the states of the mind of each, proceeding in successive order, inflow into the state of marriage, yet in one way with the spiritual and in another with the natural.
XVIII. Because there is successive order and simultaneous order, and the latter is from the former and according to it.
Now follows the explanation of the above.
295. XII. BETROTHALS AND WEDDINGS
We treat now of betrothals and weddings and the attendant ceremonies, doing so chiefly from reasoned understanding. For what we have said in this book has for its object that the reader may see truths from his own reasoning and thus may assent. For so his spirit is convinced; and the things of which the spirit is convinced are allotted a place above those which enter on authority and by faith in authority without participation by the reason. For these things enter no more deeply than the memory, where they mix with fallacies and falsities, and thus are below the reasoned conclusions of the understanding. Every man can speak from them with seeming reason, but invertedly, thinking then as a crab walks, with the sight following the tail. It is another matter if he thinks from understanding; then the reason's vision selects from the memory suitable things by which it confirms truth as seen in itself.
[2] Many things are cited in this chapter, therefore, which are accepted customs; as that choice lies with the man; that parents are to be consulted; that pledges are to be given; that previously to the wedding a marriage contract is to be made; that this contract is to be consecrated by a priest; likewise that the nuptials should be celebrated; besides many other customs, adduced to the end that one may see by his own reason that such things are inscribed on marital love as requisites promoting and fulfilling it. The propositions into which we divide our discussion are as follows:
I. Choice belongs to the man, not to the woman.
II. The man should court and ask the woman in marriage, and not the woman the man.
III. The woman ought to consult her parents or those in loco parentis, and then deliberate with herself, before she consents.
IV. After the declaration of consent pledges are to be given.
V. Consent is to be assured and established by a solemn betrothal.
VI. By betrothal each is prepared for marital love.
VII. By betrothal the mind of the one is united with the mind of the other, so that a marriage of the spirit is effected before that of the body is.
VIII. This happens with those who think chastely of marriages, but not with those who think unchastely.
Ix. During betrothal it is not allowable to be united bodily.
X. On the completion of the period of betrothal, the wedding should take place.
XI. Before the celebration of the wedding a marriage covenant should be concluded in the presence of witnesses.
XII. Marriage is to be consecrated by a priest.
XIII. The nuptials should be celebrated with festivity.
XIV. After the wedding, the marriage of the spirit becomes one of the body, too, and thus full.
XV. Such is the order of marital love with its steps from its first warmth to its first torch.
XVI. Precipitated without order and the steps belonging to it, marital love burns out the marrows and is consumed.
XVII. The states of mind arising in each flow in successive order into the state of the marriage; in one way with the spiritual, however, in another with
The natural.
XVIII. For there is successive order and there is simultaneous order, and the latter is from the former and according to it.
Explanation of these propositions now follows.
295. CONCERNING BETROTHALS AND NUPTIALS.
Betrothals and nuptials, and the accompanying celebrations, are treated of here chiefly from the rational understanding. For the things written in this book have for their end that the reader may see its truths from his own reason and thus assent. For in this way his spirit is convinced, and the matters whereof the spirit is convinced take a place in the mind above those that enter from authority, and on the faith of authority, the reason not being consulted; for these enter no farther into the head than into the memory, and there are mixed with fallacies and falsities; thus they are below things rational which are of the understanding. Any man can talk from these things of the memory as if rationally, but preposterously, for then he thinks as a crab walks, the sight following the tail. Not so if he speaks from understanding. When he does this the rational sight selects from the memory things suitable, wherewith it confirms the truth in itself. It is for this reason that in this chapter many things are adduced which are accepted customs; such as, that selection belongs to men; that parents are to be consulted; that pledges are to be given; that a conjugial covenant is to be entered into before the nuptials; that this is to be consecrated by a priest; so also that there is to be a nuptial celebration; and many other things, which are adduced to the end that man may from his own reason see that such things are inscribed on conjugial love as are requisite to promote and complete it. The heads under which the subject is distinguished, in their order, are the following:
(1) That selection belongs to the man and not to the woman.
(2) That the man ought to court and solicit the woman respecting marriage with him, and not the reverse.
(3) That the woman ought to consult her parents, or those who are in the place of parents, and then deliberate with herself before she consents.
(4) That after declaration of consent pledges ought to be given.
(5) That the consent ought to be established and confirmed by a solemn betrothal.
(6) That by the betrothal each is prepared for conjugial love.
(7) That by betrothal the mind of the one is conjoined to the mind of the other, in order that the marriage of the spirit may be effected before that of the body takes place.
(8) That it is so with those who think chastely concerning marriages, but otherwise with those who think unchastely about them.
(9) That during the time of betrothal it is not permissible to be bodily conjoined.
(10) That when the time of betrothal is completed the wedding ought to take place.
(11) That before the celebration of the nuptials, a conjugial covenant ought to be entered into in the presence of witnesses.
(12) That the marriage ought to be consecrated by a priest.
(13) That the nuptials ought to be celebrated with festivity.
(14) That after the nuptials the marriage of the spirit becomes also of the body, and thus full.
(15) That such is the order of conjugial love, with its modes, from its first heat to its first torch.
(16) That conjugial love precipitated, without order and its modes, burns out the marrows and comes to an end.
(17) That the states of mind of each, proceeding in successive order, flow into the state of marriage, and yet in one manner with the spiritual and in another with the natural.
(18) Because there is a successive order and a simultaneous order, and the latter is from the former and according to it. Now follows the exposition of these.
295. DE DESPONSATIONIBUS ET NUPTIIS
De Desponsationibus et Nuptiis, et quoque de Solennibus circa illas, hic agitur praecipue ex ratione intellectus; nam illa, quae in hoc Libro scripta sunt, pro fine habent, ut Lector ex Rationali suo videat veritates, et sic consentiat, ita enim spiritus ejus convincitur; et illa, in quibus spiritus convincitur, sortiuntur locum supra illa, quae absque consulta ratione intrant ex autoritate et ejus fide, nam haec non penitius ineunt caput, quam in memoriam, et ibi se commiscent cum fallaciis et falsis, ita infra rationalia quae sunt intellectus; unusquisque homo potest ex his loqui sicut rationaliter, sed praepostere; cogitat enim tunc sicut vadit cancer, visu sequente caudam; aliter si ex intellectu; dum ex hoc, tunc visus rationalis ex memoria eligit convenientia, per quae in se spectatam veritatem confirmat.
[2] Haec causa est, quod in hoc Capite adducantur plura, quae receptae consuetudines sunt; sicut quod electio sit viris; quod consulendi sint parentes; quod pignora danda sint; quod foedus conjugiale ante nuptias pangendum sit; quod id a sacerdote consecrandum sit; tum quod nuptiae celebrandae; praeter plura, quae adducuntur propter finem, ut homo ex rationali suo videat, quod talia inscripta sint amori conjugiali, ut ejus requisita, quae promovent et complent illum.
[3] Articuli, in quos haec Lucubratio 1distinguitur, sunt in suo ordine sequentes.
I. Quod Viro sit electio, et non Foeminae.
II. Quod Virum oporteat ambire et rogare Foeminam de conjugio secum, et non vicissim.
III. Quod Foeminam oporteat consulere Parentes, aut illos qui loco parentum sunt, et dein apud se deliberare, antequam consentit.
IV. Quod post declarationem consensus pignora danda sint.
V. Quod consensus per solennem desponsationem firmandus et constabiliendus sit.
VI. Quod per desponsationem praeparetur uterque ad amorem conjugialem.
VII. Quod per Desponsationem unius mens conjungatur menti alterius, ut fiat conjugium spiritus, antequam fit corporis.
VIII. Quod ita fiat apud illos, qui de conjugiis caste cogitant, aliter qui de illis incaste.
IX. Quod intra tempus desponsationis non liceat corporaliter conjungi.
X. Quod post exactum tempus desponsationis fieri debeant nuptiae.
XI. Quod ante celebrationem nuptiarum Foedus conjugiale pangendum sit in praesentia testium.
XII. Quod Conjugium a Sacerdote consecrandum sit.
XIII. Quod Nuptiae cum festivitate celebrandae sint.
XIV. Quod post nuptias conjugium spiritus etiam fiat corporis, et sic plenum.
XV. Quod talis sit amoris conjugialis ordo cum suis modis a primo ejus calore ad primam ejus facem.
XVI. Quod Amor conjugialis absque ordine et hujus modis praecipitatus exurat medullas, et consummetur.
XVII. Quod status mentium utriusque in successivo ordine procedentes influant 2in statum conjugii; attamen aliter apud spirituales, et aliter apud naturales.
XVIII. Quia datur ordo successivus, et ordo simultaneus, et hic est ex illo et secundum illum. Sequitur nunc horum explicatio.
Footnotes:
1. Prima editio: Lucrubratio
2. Prima editio: infuant