161、⑸妻子照她的爱将这种联结赋予男人，这男人则照他的智慧接受它。妻子赋予爱、因而赋予联结在她的丈夫里面，这个观念如今向男人隐藏。事实上，妻子们普遍否认它。原因在于，她们说服男人相信，唯独男人去爱，而她们自己接受这爱；或男人是爱的形式，而她们自己是顺从的形式。当丈夫信以为真时，妻子心里甚至沾沾自喜。妻子说服丈夫相信这一点的原因有很多，全都与妻子们小心谨慎的天性有关（对此，容后再述，尤其有关夫妻冷淡、分居和离婚的原因那一章，即第11章）。之所以说正是妻子赋予或注入爱在丈夫里面，是因为男人里面没有一丁点婚姻之爱，甚至没有一丁点两性情爱，这爱只在妻子和女人里面。在灵界，这一事实活生生地被展示给我。
有一次在灵界谈论这个话题时，被妻子说服的男人们坚持认为是他们在爱，而不是他们的妻子，他们的妻子只是从他们那里接受爱。为解决关于这个奥秘的争论，所有女人，包括妻子们，都从男人那里被撤走了，同时她们当中的两性情爱的气场也被清除了。当这一切被清除后，男人们陷入一种完全陌生并且未曾经历过的状态；他们对此怨声载道。就在他们处于这种状态时，女人们被带回来了，妻子们也被带到她们的丈夫面前。女人和妻子们都对他们柔情细语，但男人们对她们的甜言蜜语反应冷淡，并转过身去，彼此说:“这一切是什么？这些女人是什么东西？”当其中一些女人说自己是他们的妻子时，他们回应说:“妻子是什么东西？我们不认识你们。”然而，当妻子们因其丈夫的冷漠无情开始感觉受到伤害，有的甚至开始抽泣时，原先从男人那里被取走的对女性之爱和婚姻之爱的气场便恢复了；然后男人们立刻回到先前的状态；热爱婚姻者和热爱女性者都回到各自的状态。这样男人们就确信，没有一丁点婚姻之爱，甚至没有一丁点两性情爱居于男人中间，这爱只在妻子和女人当中。然而，此事过后，妻子们出于自己的谨慎，又诱使男人们相信爱居于他们当中，并且它的某些火花能从他们传到妻子那里。
在此援引这次经历是为了让人们知道，妻子是爱的形式，丈夫是爱的接受者。男人照他们所拥有的智慧，尤其是基于宗教信仰的智慧，即要独独爱自己的妻子而接受爱。这一点从以下事实明显看出来:当爱情唯独指向自己的妻子时，它是集中的；它也是高尚的，故保持强劲、稳固和持久。否则，它就会如同从粮仓里取出麦子扔给狗吃，致使家里发生饥荒。
161、（5）妻子通过爱激发丈夫合二为一的愿望，丈夫通过他的智慧而接受妻子的爱。男人并不知道或者是他们否认是妻子的爱激发丈夫合二为一的愿望。原因是妻子们使得男人觉得自己也有爱。同时也是接受者，他们认为也是爱的一种形式。女人们很高兴若自己的丈夫这样认为，这与妻子的本性有关。（这一点在以后关于配偶相互分离的章节中继续讲述）。
我们说妻子激发了丈夫的爱是因为婚姻之爱以及对异性的爱并非根植于男人中，而是根植于女人中。这一点我在精神世界中很明显地看到：
在精神世界中有一些男人谈到这一点，他们坚持说他们也有爱，他们的妻子是爱的接受者。
为了解这一争议，所有的女人，包括他们的妻子都被带走了。同时与女人一起存在的对异性的爱也被带走了。这之后，男人们感觉一切都很陌生，他们开始报怨。
在这时，一些女人被带回来，他们的妻子也被带回来，这些女人及他们的妻子开始与他们甜言蜜语，此时男人变得冷漠，他们说：“这是怎么回事，什么是女人？妻子是什么？ 我们并不认识他们。”
但是，当他们的妻子们因丈夫的这种状态而伤心时，男人们的对异性的爱及婚姻之爱得到恢复。
因此男人们确信了婚姻之爱及对异性的爱不存在于男人中，而只存在于妻子们及女人中，即使这样，妻子们还是努力使他们的丈夫相信他们也有爱，并且他们的爱也会启发女人的爱。
在此提到以上例子是为了说明妻子们是爱的形式而丈夫们是爱的接受者，丈夫们根据他们的智慧而接受爱，尤其是来自宗教信仰的智慧，即他们只能爱自己的妻子，当他们只爱他们的妻子时，他们的爱是集中的，高尚的，这种爱是有力的，持久的，否则的话就会象用家中的粮食去喂狗，造成家中的饥荒。
161. (v) The linking is inspired in a man by his wife in proportion to her love; and it is received by the man in proportion to his wisdom.
The fact that love and the linking it produces are inspired by the wife in her husband is a secret not revealed to men today; in fact without exception they deny it. The reason is that wives persuade people that men alone love and they themselves receive that love; in other words men are forms of love, women of obedience. They are heartily pleased when men believe this. There are many reasons for this persuasion, all of which have to do with the wives' prudence and caution; something more will be said on this subject in the following pages, and in particular in the Chapter [XI] on the reasons for the coldness, separation and divorce of married couples. The reason why love is inspired or instilled into men by their wives is that men do not have a scrap of conjugial love, nor even of sexual love, but this is only to be found in wives and women. I received a vivid demonstration of this fact in the spiritual world.
[2] There was once a conversation there on this subject, and under the influence of their wives' persuasion the men were insistent that it was they and not their wives who loved, and their wives received love from them. In order to settle this question, all the women, including the wives, were taken away from the men; and at the same time the very sphere of sexual love was also removed. With this gone the men came into an utterly strange state, which they had never before experienced; and they complained a great deal about it. While they were in that state the women were brought to them, and the wives joined their husbands. Both of these groups addressed their menfolk affectionately. But their endearments left them cold; they turned their backs and said to one another, 'What's all this? What are these women?' When some of the women said that they were their wives, they replied 'Wives indeed! We don't know you.' But when the wives began to feel hurt by their husbands' chilling indifference, and some started to cry, the sphere of love of the female sex and of conjugial love, which had been taken away, was restored, and then the men at once returned to their former state. Those who loved marriage became as they had been before, those who were lovers of the female sex as they had been. In this way the men were convinced that nothing at all of conjugial love, and not even of sexual love, was lodged with them, but only with women and their wives. All the same, the wives were prudent enough to make their husbands believe that the love was lodged with the men, but that some spark of it could pass over from them to themselves.
[3] This experience is brought in here to make it known that wives are forms of love, men receivers of love. It is plain that men receive love in proportion to the wisdom they possess, and especially in so far as this is based on the religious belief that only one's wife is to be loved, from the fact that, when love is directed solely to one's wife, it is concentrated. Since it is also ennobled, it retains its strength, is established and endures. If this were not so, it would be as when wheat is taken from the barn and thrown to the dogs, causing a famine at home.
161. 5. A wife inspires the union in her husband according to her love, and a husband receives it according to his wisdom. The idea that a wife inspires the love and thus the union in her husband is today kept hidden from men. Indeed, they universally deny it. The reason is that their wives persuade them that men alone are the lovers, and themselves recipients, or that men are forms of love, and themselves forms of compliance. They even rejoice at heart when their husbands believe this. Wives persuade their husbands of this for many reasons, all of which have to do with the prudence and circumspect nature of wives (concerning which, something will be said hereafter, and in particular in the chapter on the reasons for states of coldness, separations and divorces between married partners 1).
We say that it is wives who inspire or insinuate the love in their husbands, because not a particle of conjugial love, not even of love for the opposite sex, is seated in men, but only in wives and women. The fact of this was vividly shown me in the spiritual world:
[2] A conversation on this very subject once occurred there, and some men, having been persuaded by their wives, kept insisting that they were the lovers, and not their wives, but that their wives were recipients of love from them.
In order to settle the dispute over this question, all women, including their wives, were removed from the men; and together with them the underlying atmosphere of love for the opposite sex was taken away. When this was taken away, the men came into a state altogether foreign to them and never before felt, at which they complained considerably.
Then, while they were in this state, some women were brought to them, and the wives were presented to their husbands; and the women and the wives spoke sweetly to them. But at their blandishments the men became cold, and turning away they said to each other, "What is this? What is a woman?" And when some of the women said that they were their wives, they replied, "What is a wife? We do not know you."
However, when the wives began to grieve over this utterly cold indifference on the part of their husbands, and some of them to cry, an atmosphere of love for the feminine sex and of conjugial love (which to this point had been taken away from the men) was restored. And then at once the men returned to their former state - the ones who loved their marriages into their state, and the ones who loved the opposite sex in general into their state.
Thus the men were convinced that not a particle of conjugial love, not even of love for the opposite sex, resided in them, but only in wives and women. But still, after that, owing to their prudence, the wives induced the men to believe that the love resided in the men, and that some spark of it might possibly have passed from the men to themselves.
[3] I have presented this experience here in order that it may be known that wives are forms of love, and husbands its receivers. Husbands are receivers of it according to the wisdom in them, especially the wisdom which results from religion, which is that they are to love only their wives. And this is plain from considering that when they love only their wives, their love is concentrated, and being also ennobled, remains in its strength, endures and lasts; and that otherwise it would be like taking wheat from a granary and throwing it to the dogs, resulting in an insufficiency at home.
Footnotes:
1. See nos. 234 ff.
161. 5. The wife excites conjunction in the man according to her love, and the man receives it according to his wisdom. Men today do not notice that love and therefore conjunction are excited in men by women. In fact, they all deny it. The reason is that wives maintain that only the men love and they themselves receive, or that the men are the love and they themselves are obedience. And it brings joy to their hearts when the men believe this.
There are various reasons why wives insist on this, and all the reasons have to do with the prudence and circumspection of wives. Something about this will be said later, particularly in the chapter about causes of coldness, separation, and divorce among married partners.
The excitement or instigation of love in men comes from wives because men have nothing about them of married love or even love for the other sex, but it resides only in wives and women.
I saw living proof of this in the spiritual world. There was once a discussion of these things there, and the men, persuaded by their wives, maintained that they are the ones who love, and not their wives, and that their wives receive love from them. To settle the debate about this mystery, all women, including their wives, were removed from the men, and when they were, the very atmosphere of sexual love went away. With this gone, the men went into a very strange state of mind that they had never felt before. It made many of them complain.
Then, while they were still in that state women were brought to them, and wives to the husbands, and they spoke to the men tenderly. But the men had become cold to their charms. They turned away and said among themselves, "What is this? What is a woman?" And when some of the women said that these were their wives, they answered, "What is a wife? We don't understand you."
But when the wives became hurt, and some cried over this thoroughly frigid indifference on the men's part, the atmosphere of feminine sex and marriage, which was kept away from the men up to that point, came back. Then the men instantly returned to their previous state of mind - those who loved marriage into their previous state, and those who loved sex into theirs.
This convinced the men that nothing of married love nor even of sexual love resides with them, but only with wives and women. But afterwards the wives, in their prudence, still induced the men to believe that love resides with men and that a certain spark of it can come across from them to the women themselves.
This experience is brought in here to make it known that wives are loves and men the receivers.
Men are receptive according to the wisdom they have - particularly this wisdom from religion: that only your wife is to be loved. This is obvious from the fact that when you love only your wife, the love is concentrated. It stays strong, is steady, and lasts, because it is on a high plane. Otherwise it would be like throwing wheat from the barn to the dogs, creating poverty at home.
161. V. THAT CONJUNCTION IS INSPIRED INTO THE MAN BY THE WIFE ACCORDING TO HER LOVE, AND IS RECEIVED BY THE MAN ACCORDING TO HIS WISDOM. That love and thence conjunction is inspired into the man by the wife is at this day concealed from men, yea, is universally denied by wives. The reason is because they persuade the men that it is they alone who love, and themselves who receive the love; or that men are loves and themselves obediences. They also rejoice in heart when the men believe this. There are many reasons why they thus persuade them, all of which pertain to the prudence and circumspection of wives. Of this, something shall be told in the following pages, and specifically in the chapter on The Causes of Colds, Separations, and Divorces between Married Partners. That the inspiration or insinuation of love is from the wives into the men is because there is nothing of conjugial love with men, nor even of love of the sex, but only with wives and women. That such is the case was shown me in a living way in the spiritual world.
[2] Once during a conversation there on this subject, the men, persuaded by their wives, insisted that it is they who love, and not the wives, and that the wives receive that love from them. To settle the controversy about this arcanum, all the women, including the wives, were withdrawn from the men, and with them was removed the sphere of love of the sex. With this removed, the men came into a state altogether strange and never before perceived, at which they greatly complained. Then, while they were in this state, the women were brought to them, and the wives to their husbands, and both the women and the wives spoke sweetly to them; but the men were cold to their blandishments and, turning away, said among themselves, "What is this? What is a woman?" And when some of the women said that they were their wives, they answered, "What is a wife? We do not know you." But when the wives began to grieve over this utterly cold indifference on the part of the men, and some of them to weep, the sphere of the love of the female sex and the conjugial sphere which till then had been taken away from the men was restored, and the men at once returned into their former state, the lovers of marriage into theirs, and the lovers of the sex into theirs. In this way the men were convinced that nothing of conjugial love or even of love of the sex resided with them, but solely with wives and women. Nevertheless, after this the wives from their prudence induced the men to believe that love resides with the men, and that from them some spark thereof may pass into themselves. 1
[3] This experience is adduced here, that it may be known that wives are loves and men receptions. That men are receptions according to the wisdom with them, especially according to that wisdom from religion which teaches that the wife alone is to be loved, is evident from the consideration that when the wife alone is loved, the love is concentrated; and, being thereby also ennobled, it remains in its strength and is steadfast and enduring. Otherwise it would be as when wheat from the granary is thrown to the dogs, whereby there is want at home.
Footnotes:
1. In the original edition, this paragraph is enclosed in quotation marks.
161. (v) Conjunction is inspired in the man by the wife according to her love, and received by the man according to his wisdom. It is hidden today from men, in fact it is universally denied by them, that love and conjunction thence are inspired in the man by the wife. The reason is that wives persuade men that men do the loving and that they themselves receive, or that men are loves and they only obediences. They rejoice at heart to have men think so. For their so persuading men there are many reasons - all of them pieces of prudence and circumspection on their part - of which something will be said in what follows, especially in the chapter on "Causes of Cold, Separation and Divorce between Partners." Inspiration or insinuation of love in men by wives is the fact, because there is no marital love, and indeed no sexual love with men, but only with wives and women. The truth of this has been shown me to the life in the spiritual world.
[2] There was talk once about this matter there, and men insisted, under the persuasion of their wives, that they loved, and not the wives, but that the wives received love from them. To settle the dispute over this arcanum, all women together with their wives were removed from the men, and with them the sphere itself of love of the sex was taken away. On the removal of this the men came into a state totally strange to them, never before perceived by them, at which they complained much. Then, while in this state, women were brought to them, and their wives to the husbands, and both addressed them softly. But they were cold to their charms, and turned away, and said to one another, "What is this? What is woman?" And when some said that they were their wives, they replied, "What is a wife? We do not know you." When, however, the wives began to be troubled at the men's cold indifference, and some to cry, the sphere of feminine love of the sex and of marital love, which had been taken away, was restored, whereupon the men at once returned into their former state, the lovers of marriage into theirs, and the lovers of the sex into theirs. Thus the men were convinced that there is nothing of marital love nor indeed of love of the sex resident with them, but only with wives and women. Still the wives in their prudence afterwards induced the men to believe that love resides with men and that some spark of it can pass from them into themselves.
[3] We have adduced this experience that it may be known that wives are loves and men receptions. Men are receptions according to the wisdom with them, especially according to this wisdom from religion that the wife alone is to be loved. This is plain from the fact that while the wife alone is loved, love is concentrated; and being ennobled, too, it remains in its strength, is steadfast and endures; otherwise it would be like throwing wheat from a granary to dogs, with resulting poverty at home.
161. (5) That conjunction is inspired into the man by the wife, according to her love; and is received by the man according to his wisdom. That love and thence conjunction is inspired into the man by the wife, is at this day concealed from men, yea, is universally denied by them. The reason is that wives persuade that only the men love and they themselves receive; or that the men are loves and they obediences. They also rejoice in heart when men believe so. There are many reasons why they persuade them of this, all of which are of the prudence and circumspection of wives - whereof something will be told in the following pages, and especially in the chapter on, The Causes of Cold, of Separation, and of Divorce among Married Partners. The reason why the inspiration or insinuation of love is from the wives into men is that with men there is nothing of conjugial love, nor even of the love of the sex, but only with wives and women. That this is so has been shown me to the life in the spiritual world. There was once a conversation there on this subject, and the men, persuaded by their wives, insisted that they love and not the wives, and that the wives receive love from them. To settle the controversy about this secret all the women including the wives were withdrawn from the men, and with them at the same time the very sphere of the love of the sex was removed, which taken away the men came into an altogether strange state, never perceived before, of which they greatly complained. Then, while they were in this state the women were brought to them and the wives to their husbands and tenderly addressed them. But they became cold at their blandishments, and turned away, and said among themselves, 'What is this? What is a woman?' And when some said they were their wives, they answered, 'What is a wife? We do not know you.' But when the wives began to be grieved at this utterly frigid indifference of the men, and some of them to weep, the sphere of the love of the female sex and the conjugial sphere, which till now had been taken away from the men, was restored; and then immediately the men returned into their former state, the lovers of marriage to theirs, and the lovers of the sex into theirs. The men were thus convinced that nothing of conjugial love nor even of the love of the sex resides with them, but solely with wives and women. And yet afterwards the wives, of their prudence, led the men to believing that love resides with the men, and that some little spark of it may pass from them into themselves.
This experience is here adduced that it may be known that wives are loves, and men are receptions. That men are receptions according to the wisdom with them, especially according to this, from religion, that the wife only is to be loved, is plain from the consideration that when the wife only is loved the love is concentrated; and as it is also ennobled thereby it abides in its strength, is constant, and enduring; and that otherwise it would be as when wheat out of a granary is cast to the dogs, whereby there is want at home.
161. V. Quod conjunctio inspiretur viro ab Uxore secundum ejus amorem, et recipiatur a Viro secundum ejus sapientiam. Quod Amor et inde conjunctio inspiretur viro ab uxore, hodie absconditum est viris, imo universaliter negatur ab illis; causa est, quod uxores persuadeant, quod solum viri ament, et ipsae recipiant, seu quod viri sint amores, et ipsae obedientiae; gaudent etiam corde, dum viri ita credunt: quod hoc illis persuadeant, sunt plures causae, quae omnes sunt prudentiae et circumspectionis uxorum, de quibus aliquid in sequentibus dicetur, et in specie in Capite de Causis frigorum, separationum et divortiorum inter conjuges. Quod inspiratio seu insinuatio amoris sit viris ab uxoribus, est quia nihil amoris conjugialis, et ne quidem amoris sexus est apud viros, sed solum apud uxores et foeminas; quod ita sit, ad vivum mihi in Mundo spirituali ostensum est:
[2] Quondam 1erat sermo de hac re ibi, ac viri ex persuasione ab uxoribus instabant, quod illi ament, et non uxores, sed quod uxores amorem recipiant ab illis; ut lis hujus arcani dirimeretur, ablatae sunt a viris omnes foeminae una cum uxoribus, et simul cum illis ipsa sphaera amoris sexus remota est; qua remota viri in statum prorsus peregrinum, et prius nusquam perceptum, venerunt, ex quo multum conquesti sunt; tunc cum in illo erant, adductae sunt ad illos foeminae, et ad maritos uxores, ac hae et illae blande alloquebantur illos; sed ad blanditias illarum frigidi facti sunt, et averterunt se, et dixerunt inter se, "quid hoc, quid foemina;" et cum quaedam dicerent, quod uxores illorum essent, respondebant, "quid uxor; non cognoscimus vos:" at cum uxores de hac prorsus frigida indifferentia virorum inciperent indolere, et quaedam lachrymare, sphaera amoris sexus foeminini, et conjugialis, quae hactenus viris ablata fuit, restituta est; et tunc viri illico in statum priorem suum redierunt; amatores conjugii in suum, et amatores sexus in suum: sic convicti sunt Viri, quod nihil amoris conjugialis, ne quidem amoris sexus, apud illos resideat, sed solum apud uxores et foeminas: sed usque postea uxores ex prudentia sua adduxerunt viros ad credendum, quod Amor resideat apud viros, et quod aliqua scintilla ejus possit ab illis transire in se.
[3] Experientia haec hic adducta est, ut sciatur quod uxores sint amores, et viri receptiones. Quod viri sint receptiones secundum sapientiam apud se, imprimis secundum hanc ex religione, quod sola uxor amanda sit, patet ex eo, quod dum sola uxor amatur, amor concentretur; et quia etiam nobilitatur, maneat in suo robore, consistat et persistat; et quod alioquin foret, sicut dum triticum ex horreo projicitur ad canes, unde fit domi egestas.
Footnotes:
1. Signum citationis hic ante Quondam apparet in prima editione.