214、⑷对那些享有真正婚姻之爱的人来说，心智的联结和随之的友谊逐渐增长；而对那些缺乏真正婚姻之爱的人来说，这二者都逐渐下降。对那些享有真正婚姻之爱的人来说，心智的联结逐渐增长，这在论述“灵魂和心智通过婚姻结合”那一章已予以说明；这也是主说这句话的意思，即“他们不再是两个，乃是一体的了”（参看156f-181节）。
该联结之所以随着友谊与爱的联结而逐渐增长，是因为友谊如同这爱的脸，也如同它的衣服。事实上，友谊不仅像衣服那样附着在爱上面，还像一张脸那样与其联结。在友谊之前出现的爱类似于两性情爱，婚礼之后，这爱逐渐消退。不过，与友谊联结的爱在婚礼后会延续下去，而且变得稳固。此外，它更深入地进入胸部。友谊引入这爱，并使它变成真正夫妻间的爱。然后，这爱也使友谊变成夫妻间的友谊。这种友谊与其它一切爱的友谊截然不同，因为在此它是最充分的。
众所周知，那些缺乏婚姻之爱的人正好相反。对这些人来说，订婚之时和婚礼后初期在他们里面所激发的最初友谊，会从心智的内层越来越消退，由此逐渐下沉，最终下沉到覆盖皮肤的角质层。这时，对那些打算分离的人来说，它会完全消失；对那些不打算分离的人来说，这爱只停留在表面，内在却是冰冷的。
214、（4）拥有真正婚姻之爱的人的头脑的相互结合是递增的，他们的友谊也随之递增。不拥有婚姻之爱的人的头脑的相互结合是递减的，其友谊也是这样。
这点在156和181节中讲过，这种结合在友谊与之结合时会不断成长，友谊可以说成是爱的面孔或衣服。
在友谊之前而产生的爱与对其它任何异性的爱一样，在婚后会渐渐退去。但是与友谊相结合的爱会在婚后继续成长并加强，友谊使爱成为真正的婚姻之爱——这是一种最完整的爱。
人们知道没有婚姻之爱的情况。在订婚和婚姻之初时产生的友谊会渐渐退去。在那些分居的人中，这种友谊完全消失，那些没有分居的人中，爱只是一种外在的表现，在内在上冰冷的。
214. (iv) In the case of those who enjoy truly conjugial love the linking of minds increases, and so does friendship along with it, but in the case of those who do not, both of these decrease.
The linking of minds in the case of those who enjoy truly conjugial love increases, as was proved in the chapter dealing with the linking of souls and minds by marriage, as meant by the Lord's words 'they shall be no longer two, but one flesh' (156-181).
[2] The reason why that linking increases as friendship links itself to love is that friendship is, so to speak, the face of that love, and also like its clothing. For it not only attaches itself to love like clothing, but is also linked to it like a face. The love which precedes friendship resembles sexual love, which once it has achieved its object fades away; but love linked to friendship lasts after it has achieved its object and is strengthened by its success. It also penetrates deeper into the chest; friendship opens the way for it and makes it truly conjugial. Then that love makes this friendship too truly conjugial. This kind of friendship is very different from the friendship based on any other love, for here it is at its fullest.
[3] As is well known, the opposite happens in the case of those who have no conjugial love. In their case the early friendship which springs up at the time of an engagement and then in the first days of marriage, recedes further and further from the inner regions of the mind, and by stages reaches the point where it retires to the outer layers of the skin. In the case of those who have separation in mind, it departs altogether; but in the case of those who do not, love lingers at the outer level, though the inner levels are cold.
214. 4. In the case of people who are in a state of truly conjugial love, their union of minds increases, and with it, their friendship, but with those who are not in a state of conjugial love, these both decrease. We have already shown that a union of minds increases in the case of those who are in a state of truly conjugial love, in the chapter in which we took up "The Conjunction of Souls and Minds by Marriage, Meant by the Lord's Saying that They are No Longer Two But One Flesh" (see nos. 156[r]-181).
[2] This union grows, moreover, as friendship is joined to love, because friendship is, so to speak, the face of that love and also its garment; for friendship both attaches itself to love like a garment and combines itself with it like a face.
Love prior to friendship is similar to love for any of the opposite sex, and after the wedding it gradually fades. But love combined with friendship continues on after the wedding and is also strengthened. It enters as well more deeply into the breast. Friendship introduces the love and causes it to be truly conjugial; and then the love in turn causes this, its friendship, to become also conjugial - a friendship which differs greatly from that of any other love, because it is a full one.
[3] People know that the opposite happens in the case of those who do not have conjugial love. In their case the first friendship that was inspired in them at the time of their betrothal and later during the first days after their wedding, more and more ebbs from the inner recesses of their minds and gradually subsides from there until it finally departs to the surface coverings of the skin. And in the case of those who contemplate separation, it entirely disappears. With those who do not contemplate separation, however, love remains in outward appearances, but inwardly it is cold.
214. 4. For people who have real married love the unity of their minds grows, and with it friendship, but for those who do not, these shrink.
The chapter dealing with marriage joining souls and minds together
(this is what the Lord's words mean - that they are no longer two but one flesh) showed that unity of minds grows for those who have real married love (see nos. 156b - 181).
The reason the unity grows, however, as friendship unites itself to love, is that friendship is like the face of the love and is also like its clothing, for it not only adds itself to the love like clothing but also unites itself with the love like a face.
The love before friendship is like love for the other sex, which fades after the vows, but love united with friendship lasts after the vows and also becomes more steadfast. It also enters your heart more deeply. Friendship leads it in and makes it real married love, and then that love makes its friendship a married friendship, too. This is very different from the friendship of any other love, for it is complete.
It is well known that the opposite happens in the case of people who do not have real married love. For them the first friendship, which comes during their engagement and then in the first days after their wedding, falls away more and more from the inward levels of their minds and gradually withdraws toward their skin. In people who contemplate separation it goes away altogether, but in those who do not contemplate separation love remains in their extremities but cools inside them.
214. IV. THAT WITH THOSE WHO ARE IN LOVE TRULY CONJUGIAL, CONJUNCTION OF MINDS AND THEREWITH FRIENDSHIP INCREASES, BUT WITH THOSE WHO ARE NOT IN CONJUGIAL LOVE, THE LATTER TOGETHER WITH THE FORMER DECREASES. That conjunction of minds increases with those who are in love truly conjugial has been shown in the chapter treating of the conjunction of souls and minds by marriage, which is meant by the Lord's words, They are no more two but one flesh (nos. Conjugial Love 156-181);
[2] and that this conjunction increases as friendship conjoins itself to love, is because friendship is as the face of that love and also as its garment; for it not only adjoins itself to the love as a garment but it also conjoins itself with it as a face. The love preceding friendship is similar to love of the sex, and after the vows, this love grows feeble; but when conjoined with friendship, the love remains after the vows and is also made stable. Moreover, it enters more deeply into the bosom. Friendship introduces it and makes it truly conjugial; and then the love makes this its friendship also conjugial, and such friendship, being complete, differs greatly from the friendship of every other love.
[3] That the contrary is the case with those who are not in conjugial love is well known. With these, the first friendship, which is insinuated at the time of betrothal and then during the first days after the nuptials, recedes more and more from the interiors of the mind, and gradually departing therefrom, goes finally to the cuticles. Then, with those who think of separation, it passes away altogether, but with those who do not think of separation, the love remains in externals but is cold in internals.
214. (iv) With those in true marital love conjunction of minds increases, and friendship with it; but both of these decrease with those not 'in marital love. In the chapter (n. 156b-181) in which we considered the "Conjunction of Souls and Minds by Marriage, meant by the Lord's words, 'they are no longer two but one flesh,'" we have already shown that conjunction of minds increases with those in true marital love.
[2] The conjunction increases as friendship is joined to love, because friendship is as it were the face of the love, and also its garment, adjoining itself to the love as a garment, and conjoining itself to it as a face. The love preceding friendship resembles love for the sex, and wanes after the marriage vow, whereas love with friendship adjoined, remains and is steadfast. For it enters deeply into the breast, where friendship introduces it, making it truly marital, and then the love in turn makes this its friendship marital, differing markedly from the friendship of any other love, so full is it.
[3] It is common knowledge that the reverse befalls those who are not in marital love. With these that first friendship, insinuated at the time of betrothal and also in the first days after the wedding, successively recedes more and more from the mind's interiors until finally it has retreated to the skin. It departs altogether with partners thinking of separating, while with those who do not meditate separation, love remains in externals, but grows cold in internals.
214. (5) That with those who are in love truly conjugial, conjunction of minds, and therewith friendship, increases; but with those who are not in conjugial love the latter with the former decreases. The reason why conjunction of minds increases, with those who are in love truly conjugial, has been shown in the chapter which treats of the conjunction of souls and minds by marriage, which is meant by the Lord's words, 'They are no more twain but one flesh' (see n. 156-181). And the reason why this conjunction increases as friendship conjoins itself to love is, that friendship is as the face of that love, and also as its garment; for not only does it adjoin itself to the love as a garment, but it conjoins itself to it also as a face. The love preceding friendship is similar to the love of the sex, a love which after the marriage vow passes away; but the love conjoined with friendship remains after the vow, and is also strengthened. It also enters interiorly into the breast; friendship introduces it and makes it truly conjugial; and then this love also makes this its friendship conjugial, which differs greatly from the friendship of every other love, for it is plenary.
That the opposite takes place with those that are not in conjugial love, is known. With them the first friendship, which is insinuated at the time of betrothal and then during the first days after the nuptials, withdraws more and more from the interiors of the mind, and successively departs from them at length to the cuticles. And with those who think of separation it goes entirely away; but with those that do not think of separation, the love abides in the externals, but is cold in the internals.
214. IV: Quod apud illos, qui in amore vere conjugiali sunt, crescat conjunctio mentium, et cum hac Amicitia; sed quod haec cum illa apud illos, qui non in amore conjugiali sunt, decrescat. Quod conjunctio mentium apud illos, qui in amore vere conjugiali sunt, crescat, in Capite, in quo actum est de conjunctione animarum et mentium per conjugium, quae intelligitur per Domini verba, quod non amplius sint duo sed una caro, demonstratum est, videatur 156[iteratum] 157-181. 1
[2] Quod autem conjunctio illa crescat, sicut amicitia se conjungit amori, est causa, quia Amicitia est sicut facies illius amoris, et quoque est sicut vestis ejus, nam non modo se adjungit amori sicut vestis, sed etiam conjungit se illi sicut facies; amor praecedens amicitiam est similis amori sexus, qui amor post votum facescit, ast amor conjunctus amicitiae post votum manet, et quoque stabilitur; intrat etiam interius in pectus, amicitia introducit illum, et facit illum vere conjugialem; et tunc Amor ille amicitiam hanc suam facit etiam conjugialem, quae valde differt ab amicitia omnis alius amoris, est enim plena.
[3] Quod contrarium fiat apud illos, qui non in amore conjugiali sunt, notum est; apud hos prima amicitia, quae tempore desponsationis, et dein primis diebus post nuptias, insinuata est, plus et plus ab interioribus mentis recedit, et ab his successive tandem ad cuticulas abscedit; et apud illos, qui separationes cogitant, prorsus abit; at apud eos, qui separationem non cogitant, amor manet in externis, sed friget in internis.
Footnotes:
1. Prima editio: 191.