216、⑹那些享有真正婚姻之爱的人期待永恒的婚姻，而那些缺乏真正婚姻之爱的人正好相反。那些享有真正婚姻之爱的人之所以期待永恒的婚姻，是因为永恒就包含在这爱里面。其永恒是由于以下事实：对妻子来说，这爱会增长到永恒；对丈夫来说，智慧则会增长到永恒。随着这些的增长和发展，夫妻越来越融入天上的祝福；这祝福就藏在他们的智慧，以及对这智慧的爱里面。所以，若永恒的观念被夺走，或一不小心从他们心里溜走，那就好像他们从天上掉下来一样。
以下经历使我清楚明白，若天上的夫妻心里丧失永恒的观念，反而生起短暂的观念以取代之，他们的状态是何性质。有一次，一对天上来的夫妻被恩准与我在一起。这时，一个巧舌如簧的恶棍设法将婚姻永恒的观念从他们那里夺走了。这种观念一离开，他们就开始悲叹说，他们无法继续生活下去，只感到前所未有的悲伤。当其在天上的天使同伴发觉这一点时，他们就把这个恶棍撵走并扔了下去。一赶走这恶棍，婚姻永恒的观念立刻回到他们那里，使他们充满由衷的喜悦，彼此温柔拥抱。
还有一次，我听说，有一对夫妻时而认为他们的婚姻是永恒的，时而又认为是短暂的。这是因为他们的内在截然不同。当视婚姻为永恒时，他们彼此都非常快乐。而当视婚姻为短暂时，他们说：“这不再是婚姻。”妻子说：“我不再是一个妻子，而是一个情妇。”男人则说：“我不再是一个丈夫，而是一个奸夫。”因此，当他们的内在差异向他们显明时，这个男人便离开了这个女人，这个女人也离开这个男人。不过后来，由于二者都认为婚姻是永恒的，所以他们都被赐予个性相似的伴侣。
这些经历使我们清楚看出，那些享有真正婚姻之爱的人期待永恒；若永恒的观念从其思维的至内层溜走，他们在婚姻之爱方面就会彼此分离，无论他们如何维持友谊。因为友谊居于外层，而婚姻之爱居于内层。地上的婚姻也差不多是这样。在地上，当夫妻彼此温柔相爱时，他们认为他们的婚约是永恒的，并且根本不会想到它会因死亡而结束；若真想到这一点，他们就感到悲伤；然而，一想到死后它还会延续下去，他们就因希望而复活。
216a.⑺婚姻之爱居于贞洁的妻子里面，然而她们的爱仍取决于她们的丈夫。这是因为，妻子生来是爱的形式。因此，与她们的丈夫成为一体的意愿被植入她们，并且她们通过将这种想法保持在自己的意愿中而不断培育她们的爱。所以，放弃与她们的丈夫联结的努力，就是放弃她们自己的本性。丈夫的情况则不同，因为他们生来并非爱的形式，而是从他们的妻子接受那爱的。因此，他们越是欣然接受它，妻子及其爱就越欣然进入。相反，他们越不接受它，妻子及其爱也就越站在外面等待。然而，这是贞洁妻子的情形，不贞洁的妻子则不然。由此明显可知，婚姻之爱居于贞洁的妻子里面，然而她们的爱仍取决于她们的丈夫。
216、（6）处于真正婚姻之爱中的人追求婚姻的永恒，没有真正婚姻之爱的人的情况则相反。
这种永恒是因为妻子的爱和丈夫的智慧会永恒的，在其不断成长时，夫妻双方就会更深地处于天国的祝福中。
以下是与此相关的一段经历：
我被允许与一对已婚夫妇在一起。有个善于言谈的人，悄悄地使他们暂时失去了婚姻的永恒性的认识。此时他们开始哀叹，说自己不能再活下去了，感到非常失望。天使看到这种情况后，使他们又恢复了对婚姻永恒的认识，他们又恢复了从前的欢乐。
另外一次我听到一对夫妇的交谈。他们一会儿认为婚姻是永恒的，一会儿又认为它是暂时的。原因是他们之间有种内在的不同之处。当他们认为婚姻是永恒的时，他们就很高兴地在一起。但当他们认为婚姻是暂时的时，他们说这不是婚姻。夫妻双方都感觉自己是对方的情妇或情夫，当他们内在的不同被揭露后，双方彼此离开了对方。后来，因为他们都有婚姻永恒的想法，他们又与与自己性格一致的相结合了。
由此可见拥有真正婚姻之爱的夫妇渴望婚姻永恒，若他们丧失婚姻永恒这一信念，他们就会彼此疏远，但他们在友谊上不会疏远，因为友谊的联系是外在的，而婚姻的联系是内在的。
在世间的婚姻也是如此，很多相亲相爱的夫妇都希望婚姻是永恒的，他们会对死后相互分离感到伤心。
216a、（7）婚姻之爱处于贞洁的妻子中，但它取决于她的丈夫。
原因是妻子生来是爱的形式，因此她们生来就希望和他们的丈夫合二为一，女人会一直抱有这种想法，因此，拒绝她们与丈夫相结合是违反女人的本性的。
在丈夫身上则是不同的，因为他们并非生来是爱的形式，而是对妻子的爱的接受者，因此，根据他们对妻子的爱的接受程度，他们的妻子就与其结合，若他们不接受妻子的爱，妻子则处于他们之外。
这是贞洁的妻子的情况，非贞洁的妻子们的情况则是不同的。
216. (vi) Those who enjoy truly conjugial love have eternity in view in their marriage; but the reverse is true of those who do not.
The reason why those who enjoy truly conjugial love have eternity in view is that eternity is contained within this love. This is because this love increases for ever in the case of the wife, and wisdom increases for ever in the case of the husband; and as these increase and develop, the couple plunges deeper and deeper into the blessings of heaven, which lie hidden in their wisdom and also the love for it. So if the notion of eternity were torn away, or by any accident slipped from their minds, it would be as if they were cast down from heaven.
[2] The following experience made it perfectly clear to me what happens to couples in heaven, if the notion of eternity is lost from their minds, and its place is taken by the notion of impermanence.
A married couple were once given permission to visit me from heaven. Then a joker by his cunning arguments took away from them the notion of eternity in marriage. Without it they began to grumble, saying that they could not go on living and were suffering such vexation as never before. When their fellow angels in heaven noticed this, they chased the joker away and cast him down. The moment this was done, their notion of eternity was restored, which filled them with heartfelt gladness, and they embraced each other most lovingly.
[3] As well as this, I heard of a married couple who thought of their marriage at one time as eternal, and at another as temporary. This was because they were inwardly quite unlike. When they thought of it as eternal, they were very happy with each other. But when they thought of it as temporary, they said, 'This is no longer a marriage,' and the wife said, 'I'm no longer a wife, but a concubine,' and the man 'I'm no longer a husband, but an adulterer.' So when their inward unlikeness was revealed, the man left the woman and she left him. But later on, since each thought of marriage as eternal, they were given companions of similar character.
[4] These experiences allow us to see clearly that those who enjoy truly conjugial love have eternity in view; and if this notion slips out of their inmost levels of thought, they suffer disunion in their conjugial love, however much they retain their friendship. For this is lodged in the outer levels, but love in the inner ones. It is much the same with marriages on earth. When couples there love each other dearly, they think of their partnership as eternal, and pay no attention to its being ended by death. But if they do think of this, it upsets them; though they are revived by hope, when they think of it continuing after death.
216bis 1(vii) Conjugial love is lodged with chaste wives, but their love still depends upon their husbands.
The reason is that wives are by birth forms of love, so that it is innate in them to wish to be one with their husbands, and by keeping this thought in their will they constantly nurture their love. So abandoning the effort to unite themselves with their husbands would be abandoning their own nature. But it is different with husbands; since they are not by birth forms of love, but designed to receive that love from their wives, the more readily they receive it, the more readily do their wives come in with their love. But if they fail to receive it, their wives equally stay outside with their love and wait. This happens in the case of chaste wives, but it is different with the unchaste. These considerations will establish that conjugial love is lodged with wives, but their love depends upon their husbands.
216. 6. People who are in a state of truly conjugial love look to eternity in their marriage, while the opposite is the case with those who are not in a state of conjugial love. People who are in a state of truly conjugial love look to eternity in their marriage because eternity is inherent in this love. Its eternity is owing to the fact that this love in the wife and wisdom in the husband grow to eternity, and as these grow or progress, the partners enter more and more deeply into the blessings of heaven - blessings which their wisdom and love of wisdom at the same time carry concealed within them. If one were to snatch away an idea of eternity, therefore, or if by some chance it should slip from their minds, it would be as though they were cast down from heaven.
[2] What the state of married partners in heaven is like when thought of eternity leaves their minds and an idea of marriage as something temporary occurs instead, for me came to light from the following experience:
A married couple from heaven was once granted permission to be with me, and some clever-talking scoundrel then managed to take away their thought of eternity in regard to marriage. On being deprived of this thought they began to lament, saying that they could not go on living and that they felt a sense of distress as never before. When their fellow angels in heaven perceived this, the scoundrel was sent away and cast down. As soon as this happened, immediately their thought of eternity returned to them, and rejoicing with a heartfelt joy on account of it, they tenderly embraced each other.
[3] On another occasion I listened to two partners who one moment entertained a thought of eternity in respect to their marriage, and the next moment a thought of it as something temporary. The reason was that an internal dissimilarity existed between them. As long as they had the thought of eternity, they were happy together; but when they began to think of their marriage as something temporary, they said it was no longer a marriage - the wife declaring that she was no longer a wife but a mistress, and the husband that he was no longer a husband but a lecher. When their internal dissimilarity was revealed to them, therefore, the man left the woman and the woman left the man. Afterwards, however, because they each had an idea of eternity in respect to marriage, they were matched with partners of a character similar to their own.
[4] From these observations it can be clearly seen that partners who are in a state of truly conjugial love look to eternity, and that if this idea slips from the inmost recesses of their thought, they are estranged from each other in respect to conjugial love, however much they may not be estranged at the same time in respect to friendship. For friendship has its abode in outward ties, while conjugial love has its abode in inward ones.
It is the same in the case of marriages on earth. When married partners there love each other tenderly, they think of eternity in regard to the marriage covenant, and not at all of its being terminated by death. Or if they do think about this, they grieve, until strengthened again with hope by the thought of its continuing in the life to come.
216r. [repeated] 7. Conjugial love has its seat in chaste wives, but their love depends on their husbands. The reason is that wives are born forms of love, and it is therefore innate in them to wish to be one with their husbands. They also continue to feed their love with this thought of their will. Consequently to turn away from their effort to unite themselves with their husbands would be to turn away from their very natures.
It is different with husbands. Because they are not born forms of love, but are receivers of that love from their wives, therefore to the degree that they receive it, to that degree their wives enter into them with their love. But to the degree they do not receive it, their wives stand outside with their love and wait.
This is what happens, however, in the case of chaste wives. It is otherwise in the case of unchaste ones.
It follows from this that conjugial love has its seat in chaste wives, but that their love depends on their husbands.
216. 6. People who have real married love focus on the permanence of marriage, but the reverse holds true for those who do not. People who have real married love focus on permanence because eternity is in that love. Its permanence comes from the fact that the love in the wife and the wisdom in the husband grow forever, and during the growth or progress the partners enter deeper and deeper into the blessings of heaven, which have their wisdom and its love stored away in them. So if the notion of permanence were erased or slipped their minds for some reason, it would be as if they were thrown out of heaven.
The following experience gave me a clear view of what the condition of married partners in heaven is like when the idea of permanence slips their minds and in place of it a notion of impermanence slips in.
Once two married partners from heaven were with me by permission, and then some smooth - talking scamp took away their idea of the permanence of marriage. When it was gone they began to wail, saying that they could not live any more and that they felt a distress they never felt before. Their angel friends in heaven noticed this, and the scamp was removed and thrown out. Then the idea of permanence instantly came back to them, which cheered them with heartfelt happiness, and they hugged each other tenderly.
Besides this, I heard two married partners who sometimes cultivated the notion of permanence, sometimes the notion of impermanence.
The reason was that inside they were not alike. When they had the idea of permanence they were happy with each other, but when they had the notion that it was temporary, they said, "It isn't a marriage any more."
The wife said, "I'm not a wife any longer but a mistress."
The man said, "I'm not a husband any more but an adulterer."
So when they found out about this inner difference the man left the woman and the woman left the man. Still, they both had the idea of the permanence of marriage, so later they were put together with partners like themselves.
These things clearly show that people who have real married love look for permanence, and that if this slips from the inmost core of their thought they are separated as far as married love goes, although not, at the same time, as far as friendship goes, for this resides on the surface. Married love resides within.
It is the same in marriages on earth. When partners love each other tenderly they think about the permanence of the covenant and do not think at all about death ending it. If they do, they grieve. Still, they are revived by hope at the thought of its continuing after death.
216a 7. Married love resides in chaste wives, but their love still depends on their husbands. The reason is that wives are born loves, so it is built into them to want to be one with their husbands, and they continually nurture their love due to thinking from this wish of theirs. As a result, to back off from the effort to unite themselves with their husbands would be to back off from themselves.
Husbands are different. Since they are not born loves but receivers of the love that comes from wives, the wives' entrance with their love depends on the husbands' accepting it, while to the extent that they do not accept the wives' entrance, the wives with their love stand outside and wait. This happens only in the case of chaste wives, though. It is different with unchaste wives.
These observations establish that the love in marriage resides with wives but that their love depends on their husbands.
216. VI. THAT THOSE WHO ARE IN LOVE TRULY CONJUGIAL LOOK TO WHAT IS ETERNAL IN MARRIAGE; NOT SO THOSE WHO ARE NOT IN CONJUGIAL LOVE. That those who are in love truly conjugial look to what is eternal, is because eternity is in the love, its eternity being due to the fact that it increases to all eternity with the wife, as also does wisdom with the husband. In this increase or progression, the partners enter ever more deeply into that blessedness of heaven which their wisdom and the love thereof, simultaneously store up within themselves. Therefore, if the idea of what is eternal were to be taken away, or if by any chance it should slip from their minds, it would be as though they were cast down from heaven.
[2] As for myself, the nature of the state with married partners in heaven when the idea of what is eternal falls from their minds and in its place comes an idea of what is temporal, came into the open from the following experience: Once, when two married partners from heaven were with me by permission, a certain worthless spirit, by cunning speech, took away from them the idea of what is eternal in respect to marriage. With this gone, they began to lament, saying they could no longer live and that they felt a wretchedness such as never before. When this was perceived by their fellow angels in heaven, the worthless spirit was removed and cast down, and with this done, the idea of what is eternal instantly came back to them, whereat they rejoiced with gladness of heart and embraced each other with the utmost tenderness.
[3] In addition to this, I have heard two married partners who, in respect to their marriage, entertained, now the idea of what is eternal, and now the idea of what is temporal, the reason being that within them was an internal dissimilitude. When they were in the idea of what is eternal, they were in mutual gladness, but when in the idea of what is temporal, they said, "It is no longer a marriage;" and the wife said, "I am no longer a wife but a concubine;" and the man, "I am no longer a husband but an adulterer." Therefore, when their internal dissimilitude became clear to them, the man left the woman and the woman the man; but afterwards, because both had the idea of what is eternal in respect to marriage, they were consociated with partners who were similitudes.
[4] From these experiences, it can be clearly seen that those who are in love truly conjugial look to what is eternal; and that if from inmosts this slips from their thought, they are disunited as to conjugial love though not at the same time as to friendship; for the latter dwells in externals but conjugial love in internals. It is the same in marriages on earth. There, when the partners tenderly love each other, they think of their covenant as being eternal and have no thought whatever concerning its end by death; and if they do think of this, they grieve; yet, at the thought of its continuance after death, they are revived by hope.
216a. VII. THAT CONJUGIAL LOVE RESIDES WITH CHASTE WIVES, YET THEIR LOVE DEPENDS ON THEIR HUSBANDS, and this because wives are born loves. Hence it is implanted in them to will to be one with their husbands, and from this thought of their will, they continually nurse their love. Therefore, to recede from the endeavor to unite themselves with their husbands would be to recede from their very selves. Not so with husbands, these being born, not loves but recipients of that love from their wives. Therefore, in proportion as they receive, the wives enter in with their love, but in proportion as they do not receive, the wives with their love stand without and wait. This, however, is the case with chaste wives; not so with the unchaste. From the above it is evident that conjugial love resides with [chaste] wives, but that their love depends on their husbands.
216. (vi) Those in true marital love look to eternity in marriage; contrariwise those not in marital love. Those in true marital love look to what is eternal because there is eternity in the love. Its eternity lies in the fact that this love in the wife and the wisdom in the husband grow to eternity, and in the growth or progress the partners enter more and more deeply into the blessedness of heaven, a blessedness stored up in their wisdom and love of wisdom. The two would feel as if they were cast down from heaven, therefore, were the idea of eternity snatched away or did it by any chance slip from their minds.
[2] The state of partners in heaven when the idea of eternity escapes from their minds, and in its place an idea of what is temporary enters, became obvious to me from this experience:
Two partners were with me once from heaven by leave granted them, and their idea of eternity about marriage was spirited away by a certain rascal who talked astutely. Thereupon they began to lament, saying they could not live any longer and that they had never felt so wretched before in their lives. When fellow-angels perceived this in heaven, the rascal was removed and cast down. This done, the idea of what was eternal at once returned to them, at which they were glad indeed at heart and most tenderly embraced each other.
[3] I have also heard two partners who cherished the idea of what is eternal about their marriage at one moment, and at the next an idea of what is temporal. This was because there was inner unlikeness between them. When they were in the idea of what is eternal, they were glad of each other, but when in the idea of the temporal, they said, "It is no longer a marriage;" and the wife, "I am no longer a wife, but a concubine," and the man, "I am no longer a husband, but an adulterer." When therefore their internal unlikeness was disclosed to them, the man left the woman, and the woman the man; later, as each had entertained an idea of eternity about marriage, they were allied with companions like themselves.
[4] It is to be seen from this that those in true marital love look to eternity, and that if this slips from the inmosts of thought, they are disunited in marital love though they may not be at the same time as to friendship, for this dwells in externals, but that in the internals. The like is true of marriages on earth. Here, too, partners who love each other tenderly, contemplate eternity for the covenant and by no means any termination of it by- death, or if they do, are grieved until they are revived by hope at the thought of its continuance after death.
216r. (Vii) Marital love resides with chaste wives, but still their love depends on the husbands. For wives are born loves, and hence there is implanted in them the wish to be one with their husbands, and from this thought of their will they continually nourish their love. To recede from the endeavor to unite themselves to the husbands, would therefore be to recede from themselves. It is different with husbands. They are not born loves, but recipients of marital love from wives, and therefore as far as they receive, the wives enter with their love; but so far as they do not receive, the wives stand outside with their love and wait; but this is the fact with chaste wives; it is otherwise with the unchaste. From this it is plain that marital love resides with wives, but that their love does depend on the husband.
216a. (6) They who are in love truly conjugial look to the eternal in marriage; but it is the reverse with those who are not in conjugial love. The reason why those that are in love truly conjugial look to the eternal is that there is eternity in that love; and its eternity is from the fact that this love with the wife and wisdom with the husband increase to eternity, and in their increase or progression married partners enter more and more deeply into the beatitudes of heaven, which their wisdom and its love at the same time store up within them. If therefore, the idea of the eternal were eradicated, or if in any case it were to escape from their minds, it would be as if they were cast down from heaven.
What the state of married partners is in heaven, when the idea of the eternal is banished from their minds, and an idea of the temporal comes in its place, was brought to open view with me by this experience.
Once by permission there were with me two married partners from heaven; and then a certain worthless fellow, by cunning speech, took away from them the idea of the eternal relating to marriage, which being taken away they began to wail, saying they could live no longer, and that they felt a wretchedness which they had never felt before. This being perceived by their angel companions in heaven, the fellow was removed and cast down. When this was done the idea of the eternal instantly came back to them; whereat they rejoiced with gladness of heart, and embraced each other most tenderly.
Besides this, I heard two married partners who sometimes cherished the idea of the eternal and sometimes the idea of the temporal, in respect to their marriage. The reason was that there was internal dissimilitude within them. When they were in the idea of the eternal they were in mutual gladness, but when in the idea that it was temporal they said, 'It is no more a marriage;' and the wife, ‘I am no longer a wife but a concubine.' and the man, ‘I am no longer a husband but an adulterer.' Wherefore, when their internal dissimilitude was disclosed to them, the man left the woman and the woman the man; but afterwards, as they were both in the idea of the eternal in respect to marriage, they were consociated with partners of similitude.
From these experiences it may be clearly seen that they who are in love truly conjugial look to the eternal; and that if this idea lapses from the thought from the inmosts, they are disunited as to conjugial love, though not at the same time as to friendship, for this dwells in externals, but that in internals. It is the same in marriages on earth. There, when married partners tenderly love each other they have the eternal in their thoughts respecting the covenant, and nothing at all of its end by death; and if they think of this they grieve, and yet in thought are comforted with the hope of its continuance after death.
216b. (7) That conjugial love resides with chaste wives; and yet their love depends on the husbands. The reason is that wives are born loves, and thence it is innate with them to will to be one with the husbands; and from this thought of their will they continually nurture their love. To recede therefore, from the endeavor to unite themselves with their husbands would be to recede from their very selves. With husbands it is different because they are not born loves but recipients of that love from their wives; therefore, in so far as they receive that, the wives with their love enter in; but in so far as they do not receive, the wives with their love stand without and wait. But this is with chaste wives. It is otherwise with the unchaste. From these facts it is evident that conjugial love resides with wives, but that their love is dependent on the husbands.
216. VI: Quod illi, qui in Amore vere conjugiali sunt, in conjugio spectent aeternum; vicissim autem illi, qui non in amore conjugiali sunt. Quod illi, qui in amore vere conjugiali sunt, spectent aeternum, est quia in illo amore est aeternitas; ac aeternitas ejus est inde, quia amor ille apud uxorem, et sapientia apud maritum, crescit in aeternum, ac in crescentia seu progressione conjuges penitius et penitius in beatitudines coeli, quas illorum sapientia et ejus amor simul in se recondunt, intrant; quare si idea aeterni evelleretur, aut ex aliquo casu mentibus elaberetur, foret sicut illi e coelo dejicerentur.
[2] Qualis status Conjugibus in coelo est, dum excidit mentibus illorum idea aeterni, ac loco ejus idea temporarii incidit, apud me in propatulum venit ex hac experientia: quondam duo conjuges ex data venia apud me e Coelo erant, et tunc a quodam nebulone astute loquente sublata est illis idea aeterni de conjugio; qua ablata inceperunt ejulare, dicentes quod non possint vivere amplius, et quod aerumnam sentiant, quam nunquam prius; quo percepto a coangelis in Coelo, remotus est nebulo, et dejectus; quo facto, actutum rediit illis idea aeterni, ex qua laetificati sunt laetitia cordis, ac tenerrime se mutuo amplexi sunt.
[3] Praeter haec, audivi duos conjuges, qui de conjugio suo nunc foverunt ideam aeterni, nunc ideam temporarii; causa fuit, quia dissimilitudo interna illis inerat; hi cum in idea aeterni erant, inter se laetificati sunt, at cum in idea temporarii, dixerunt, "non est amplius conjugium;" et uxor, "non sum amplius uxor, sed concubina;" ac vir, "non sum amplius maritus, sed moechus;" quare dum aperta est illis dissimilitudo interna, abivit vir a muliere, et mulier a viro; at postea, quia utrique fuit idea aeterni de conjugio, consociabantur comparibus similitudinis.
[4] Ex his potest clare videri, quod illi, qui in amore vere conjugiali sunt, spectent aeternum, et quod, si haec [idea] elabitur ex intimis e cogitatione, disuniantur quoad amorem conjugialem, utcunque non simul quoad amicitiam; haec enim habitat in externis, ille autem in internis. Simile est in conjugiis super terris; conjuges ibi, dum se tenere amant, cogitant aeternum de foedere, et prorsus non aliquid de fine ejus per mortem; et si de hac, dolent, usque refocillantur spe ex cogitatione continuationis ejus post obitum.
216i. [Iteratum] VII: Quod Amor conjugialis resideat apud uxores castas; sed quod amor illarum dependeat a maritis; causa est, quia uxores sunt natae amores, et inde insitum est illis, velle unum esse cum maritis, et ex hac voluntatis suae cogitatione continue lactant amorem suum; quare recedere a conatu uniendi se maritis, foret recedere a semetipsis: aliter mariti; hi quia non nati sunt amores, sed recipientes illius amoris ab uxoribus, ideo quantum recipiunt illum, tantum uxores cum amore suo intrant; at quantum non recipiunt, tantum uxores cum amore suo foris stant, et exspectant: at hoc fit apud uxores castas, aliter apud incastas. Ex his constat, quod amor conjugialis resideat apud uxores [castas], sed quod amor illarum dependeat a maritis.