333、⑴唯有与一位妻子，真正的婚姻之爱，随之真正的婚姻友谊、信任、性能力，以及使二人成为一体的那种心智联结才能存在。我在前面数次指出，如今，真正的婚姻之爱如此罕见，以致人们普遍不知道它的存在。然而，我已经证明，它的确存在（参看有关该主题的第4章，以及随后章节的各个地方）。此外，谁不知道有这样一种爱情存在：它在卓越和快乐上远远胜过其它一切爱，以致它们相对来说微不足道？经验表明，爱情超越自我之爱、尘世之爱，甚至超越对生命的爱。古往今来，渴望并乞求某个女人成为自己新娘的男人，不是有屈膝下跪，将她奉为女神，对她百依百顺，如同最卑微的仆人的吗？这说明爱情超越自我之爱。古往今来，渴望并乞求某个女人成为自己新娘的男人，倘若拥有财富，不是有视它们，甚至视巨额财富如无物，为之挥金如土的吗？这说明爱情超越尘世之爱。古往今来，渴望并乞求某个女人成为自己新娘的男人，若对方没有答应他们的乞求，不是有视生命如草芥，痛苦得要死的吗？以下事实见证了这一点：许多情敌会决斗至死。这说明爱情超越对生命的爱。古往今来，渴望并乞求某个女人成为自己新娘的男人，不是有因遭到拒绝而发疯的吗？
从这爱在许多人当中开始的方式，谁不能理性推论出，这爱因其本质而居于至高无上的地位，远远胜过其它一切爱？人的灵魂就在它里面，并向他所渴望、乞求的这个女人许下永恒祝福的诺言。除了他已经把自己的灵魂和内心献给一个女人外，无论往何处寻找，谁能看出任何其它原因？事实上，一个陷入爱河的男人在这种状态下，即便有机会从所有女性中挑选最高贵、最富有、最漂亮的女人，也会放弃这个机会，坚持自己所选的那一位，因为他的心唯独属于她。亲爱的读者，说了这么多，是为了叫你们承认，具有这种超越品质的婚姻之爱是存在的；并且当唯独爱整个异性当中的一位女人时，它就会存在。
理解力若得到充分培育，能敏锐看出事物之间的联系，难道不能由此推论出，若爱者发自灵魂和至内在持之以恒地爱着同一个女人，就会获得他在同意之前，以及同意之时所许下的永恒祝福？前面已说明，他若靠近主，并在祂的引导下过一种真正的宗教生活，就会实实在在获得它们。除了主以外，谁还能从高处进入人的生命，赐下内在的天上喜乐，并把它们依次传到随后的各个阶段？当祂同时也赐下持续不断的性能力时，更是如此。仅仅因为这样的爱不在自己身上，或不在这个或那个人身上就断定它不存在，也不可能存在，这种结论是站不住脚的。
333、（1）真正的婚姻之爱现如今如此少见，以致于一般情况下不为人所知。正如前面章节中讲过的那样。但我们在这些章节中确实讲过这种爱确实是存在的。经历证实这种爱超越了对自己的爱，对尘世的爱，甚至是对生命的爱。
难道不是有男人不懈地追求女人，将她视为女神，服从她们就象仆人一样吗？这就是真正的婚姻之爱超越对自己的爱的证明。
难道不是有男人不懈地追求女人，为她们花去自己许多钱财吗？这能是这种爱超越对尘世的爱的证明。
难道不是有男人追求女人，不惜自己的生命，不是有人不惜生命地与情敌争斗过吗？这是真正的婚姻之爱超越对生命的爱的证明。
不是有男人在遭到女人的拒绝的无比沮丧吗？
通过这些比较，每个人都会得出这样的结论，从其实质上看，这种爱超越其它一切爱。这种爱存在于人的灵魂中，渴望得到它。
做一下调查，难道还会有其它的原因会使得一个人的灵魂和心倾向于一个女人吗？否则若一个追求有别的选择余地，最富有和最美的女人可追，他不是也会抛开各种选择而固守着自己的选择吗？
亲爱的读者，说了这么多就是要证实婚姻之爱有这样一种高于一切的性质，它只在只有一个异性被爱着时才存在。
任何人都不难看到若一个人从内心不断地爱唯一一个女人，他就能不断地得到来自于它的祝福。一个人若心向主并按宗教而生活，他就能得到它。还有谁会从高处进入到人之中，给人以天国的内在的爱以及随后的一切呢？主在同时也赋予人不断地精力。
认为这种爱不存在，只是因为它不存在于某些人身上是不可信的一种结论。
333. (i) It is only with one wife that truly conjugial love can exist, and consequently the same is true of truly conjugial friendship, trust, potency and the linking of minds that makes the two one flesh.
I have pointed out several times before that truly conjugial love is so rare today that it is not generally known to exist. However, I have given a proof that it really does exist in the chapter on this subject [IV], and from time to time in the following ones. In any case, is there anyone who does not know that such a love exists, so far overtopping all other loves in excellence and pleasantness that these are comparatively trivial?
Experience shows that it is greater than self-love, the love of the world, even the love of one's own life. Have there not been, and are there not still, men who for a woman they long for and ask to be their bride go down on their knees, venerate her as a goddess and submit to her decisions like the humblest of servants? This shows that this love is greater than self-love. Have there not been, and are there not still, men who for a woman they long for and ask to be their bride despise wealth, even whole treasuries if they possess them, and spend it prodigally? This shows that this love is greater than the love of the world. Have there not been, and are there not still, men who for a woman they long for and ask to be their bride count their lives cheap and yearn for death, if she will not promise to fulfil their desire? Witness to this is the fact that many rivals have fought duels to the death. This shows that this love is greater than the love of one's own life. Have there not been, and are there not still, men who for a woman they long for and ask to be their bride have gone mad at being refused?
[2] From the way this love begins in many cases anyone can rationally conclude that this love by its essence reigns supreme over every other love, and that a person's soul is in it, promising itself everlasting blessings with the woman it longs for and seeks. Can anyone see, in whatever direction he goes to look, any other reason, but that he has pledged his soul and heart to one woman? For if a man in love, while in that state, were given the chance of choosing out of the whole female sex the noblest, richest and most beautiful woman, would he not spurn the chance and cling to the one he had chosen? For his heart is set on her alone.
These remarks have been made so that you may acknowledge that conjugial love of such surpassing quality exists, and it does so when one woman alone is loved out of the whole sex. Can any intellect, sufficiently trained to see the connexions between matters, fail to deduce from this that a lover, if he is constant in soul and at the inmost level in loving her, would achieve the everlasting blessings which he promised himself before he gave his agreement and promises himself when he does so? It was shown above that he actually does achieve them, if he approaches the Lord. and under His guidance lives a truly religious life. Can anyone else come into a person's life from on high, and confer inward heavenly joys on it, and pass them on to the following stages -the more so, when He also at the same time confers constant virility? The deduction that such a love does not and cannot exist, because one lacks it oneself, and so do a few others, is unsound.
333. 1. Truly conjugial love is not possible with more than one wife, consequently neither is truly conjugial friendship, trust, potency, and such union of minds that they become one flesh. Truly conjugial love today is so rare that it is generally unknown, as we have indicated several times before. Nevertheless, we have shown in its own chapter, 1and here and there after that in succeeding chapters, that there actually is such a love. Besides, who does not know that such a love is possible, a love which so transcends all other loves in excellence and gratification that they are all inconsequential compared to it? Evidences of experience testify that it exceeds love of self, love of the world, even love of life.
Are there not and have there not been men who, for the woman they long for and implore to be their bride, throw themselves on their knees, adore her as a goddess, and submit themselves to her wishes as the humblest of servants - evidence that that love exceeds love of self?
Are there not and have there not been men who, for the woman they long for and implore to be their bride, count any price as nothing, not even great riches if they have them, and who also spend their fortunes lavishly - evidence that that love exceeds love of the world?
Are there not and have there not been men who, for the woman they long for and implore to be their bride, regard their very life as worthless and wish to die if she does not consent to their entreaty - evidence, as also testified to by the many battles of rival suitors even to their death, that that love exceeds love of life?
Are there not and have there not been men who, for the woman they long for and implore to be their bride, at her refusal have been driven out of their minds?
[2] From this inception of conjugial love with many, who cannot rationally conclude that from its essence that love rules supreme over every other love, and that the person's soul is then in that love, promising itself eternal blessings with the one he longs for and implores? If one searches this way and that, who can see any other cause than that the person has committed his soul and his heart to the one woman? For if a suitor were to be given, while in that state, the alternative of choosing the most estimable, most wealthy and most beautiful woman of all her sex, would he not spurn the option and cling to his choice, his heart belonging to her alone?
So much has been said, kind reader, in order that you may acknowledge that there is a conjugial love of such a superior nature, and that it exists when only one of the opposite sex is loved.
If the intellect regards correlations in connected series with a cultivated eye, what one cannot deduce from them that if a lover from his soul or from his inmost being steadfastly persists in a love for the same woman, he would attain those eternal blessings which he promised himself before her consent and continues to promise himself upon receiving it? He does attain them, too, if he goes to the Lord and lives from Him a life of true religion, as we have shown previously. Who else enters from above into a person's life, to bestow on him the inner joys of heaven and impart these in turn to all that follows? And this still more when He also imparts at the same time a constant virility?
To judge that such a love does not exist, or is not possible, because it is not found in oneself or in this or that individual, does not follow as a valid conclusion.
Footnotes:
1. In "Truly Conjugial Love," nos. 57 ff.
333. 1. Real married love cannot be had except with one wife, so neither can real married friendship, confidence, potency, and a union of minds such that the two are one flesh. It has been pointed out several times already that the real love of marriage is so rare today that it is generally unknown. That there actually is such a thing, for all that, was pointed out in its own chapter [Chapter 4] and after that at times in later chapters. In any case, who does not know that there is such a love, which rises above all other loves in excellence and pleasantness to the point where all other loves are small in comparison to it? Experience testifies that it goes beyond selflove, love of the world, and even love of life. Have there not always been - and are there not still - men who fall on their knees before the woman they have chosen and asked for as a bride, entreat her as a goddess, and submit to her whims like the lowest servants? This suggests that that love exceeds their self - love. Have there not always been - and are there not still - men who, for the woman they have chosen and asked for as a bride, value riches as nothing - even treasures - and squander them? This suggests that that love exceeds love of the world. Have there not always been and are there not still - men who think their life worthless before the woman they have chosen and asked for as a bride, and long to die unless she grants their wish? Witness the many fights of rivals, even to death. This suggests that this love exceeds the love of life.
Have there not always been - and are there not still - men who are driven out of their mind on account of a denial from the woman they have chosen and asked for as a bride?
Who cannot reasonably conclude from this beginning of that love in many people that because of what it is, that love rules supreme over every other love, and that the person's soul is in it, then, and promises itself eternal blessings with the one who is chosen and asked for? Who, if he searches diligently everywhere, can see any reason for this except that the man has given up his soul and heart to the one woman? For if a lover in that condition had the chance to choose from the whole feminine sex the worthiest, richest, and most beautiful, wouldn't he drop the choice and cling to his chosen? For his heart belongs to her alone.
These things are said so you'll know that there is such an overpowering married love, and that it is possible only when you love one person of the other sex.
What intellect that keenly inspects the interlinked evidence can fail to deduce from it that if a lover always stays in love with her from his soul or his depths, he will have those eternal blessings that he promised himself before the agreement to marry and promises in agreeing to marry? That he does have them if he approaches the Lord and from Him lives a true religion, was shown above. Who else enters a person's life from above, puts the inner heavenly joys in it, and carries them into the things that follow - and moreover, at the same time, gives steady potency all the while?
The conclusion that there is no such love and cannot be because it is not found in yourself or in this or that person is not valid.
333. I. THAT EXCEPT WITH ONE WIFE THERE CAN BE NO LOVE TRULY CONJUGIAL, CONSEQUENTLY, NO TRULY CONJUGIAL FRIENDSHIP, CONFIDENCE, POTENCY, AND NO SUCH CONJUNCTION OF MINDS THAT THE TWO MAY BE ONE FLESH. That at this day, love truly conjugial is so rare as to be generally unknown, has been pointed out several times above. That nevertheless, it does actually exist, has also been shown in its own chapter [no. 57 seq.] and after that, here and there in the chapters which followed. But apart from this, who does not know that there is such a love which in excellence and delight so transcends all other loves that they are relatively of small account? That it exceeds the love of self, the love of the world, yea, the love of life, experience testifies. Have there not been, and are there not now, men who, for the woman desired and solicited for a bride, fall on their knees, adore her as a goddess, and submit to her desires as the vilest slaves? a proof that that love exceeds the love of self. Have there not been, and are there not now, men who, for the woman desired and solicited for a bride, count wealth, yea, great treasures if they possess them, as nothing, and who spend them lavishly? a proof that that love exceeds the love of the world. Have there not been and are there not now, men who, for the woman desired and solicited for a bride, esteem life itself of no account and crave death if she does not consent to their entreaty? this, moreover, is testified to by the many combats of rivals even to the death--a proof that that love exceeds the love of life. Have there not been and are there not now, men who, for the woman desired and solicited for a bride, have been made insane by refusal?
[2] Who cannot rationally conclude from this commencement of the love with many, that from its essence that love dominates as supreme over every other love? and that the man's soul is then in it and promises to itself eternal blessedness with the woman whom he desires and solicits? Who can see any other cause for this, wheresoever he may search, than that the man has yielded his soul and heart to the one woman? for if a lover while in that state were given the option of choosing the worthiest, richest, and most beautiful of the whole sex, would he not spurn the choice and hold to his chosen one, his heart being hers alone? All this is said that you may acknowledge that there is a conjugial love of such super-eminence, and that it is present when one only of the sex is loved. Viewing the chain of reasons with cultivated acumen, what understanding is there that cannot deduce from this, that if, from his soul or inmost being, the lover constantly persists in his love for that one, he would attain those eternal blessings which he promised himself before the consent, and promises himself when consent has been given? That he does attain them if he approaches the Lord and from Him lives [in accordance with] true religion, has been shown above. Who but He can enter man's life from above and impart internal heavenly joys and carry them over into all that follows? and the more so when, at the same time, He also gives enduring potency. The conclusion that there is no such love, nor can be, simply because it does not exist with one's self or with this man or that, has no force.
333. (i) Except with one wife there can be no true marital love, nor, consequently, any true marital friendship, trust or potency, nor such a conjunction of minds that the two are one flesh. It has been said more than once above that true marital love is so rare today that it is practically unknown. Still, there is such a love, as we showed in the chapter on the subject and in ensuing chapters. But, apart from this, who does not know that such a love exists, so surpassing all other loves in excellence and pleasure that they are relatively little accounted? Experience testifies that this love surpasses self-love, love of the world, and even the love of life. Have there not been men - are there not now men - who for the woman whom they crave and court as a bride, throw themselves on their knees, adore her as a goddess and submit themselves as the meanest slaves to her will and pleasure? - evidence that this love surpasses self-love. Have there not been men - are there not now men - who for the woman whom they crave and court as a bride, make nothing of wealth, indeed of treasures if they happen to have any, and who lavish them on her? - evidence that this love surpasses love of the world. Have there not been men - are there not now men - who for the woman whom they crave and court as a bride, deem life itself worthless and invite death if she does not accede to their wishes? There is the further testimony of combats to the death between rivals. All of which is proof that this love outstrips the love of life. Have there not been men - are there not now men - who have gone mad because they were rejected by the woman whom they craved and courted as a bride?
[2] Who does not in reason conclude from this inception of that love with many that by its nature it exercises a sway superior to every other love, and that a man's very soul is in it, promising itself everlasting blessedness with the woman craved and courted? What other cause can one find for this, however one tries, than that the man has devoted soul and heart to the one woman? For if in that state a lover should be given the liberty of choosing the worthiest, richest and most beautiful out of the whole sex, would he not scorn the offer and cling to his chosen one? To her alone does his heart go out. I note these facts that you may grant that marital love of such preeminence does exist and that it arises when only one of the sex is loved. What mind, duly assessing the cumulative force of these reasons, does not conclude that if a lover persisted steadfastly and from the inmost soul in love to the one woman, he would attain the eternal blessednesses he promised himself before consent and promises himself upon consent? He does attain them, too, as we showed above, if he approaches the Lord and from Him lives a life of true religion. Who besides the Lord, entering human life from above, imparts internal heavenly joys and bears them to their outcome; especially, when at the same time He bestows enduring ability? The fact that such love is not to be found with oneself or in some other given person, is no proof that it does not exist at all, or that it cannot exist.
333. Now follows the exposition of these.
(1) That there cannot be love truly conjugial except with one wife; consequently, there cannot be true conjugial friendship, confidence, potency, and such a conjunction of minds that the two may be one flesh. That at this day love truly conjugial is so rare as to be generally unknown has been stated several times above. That nevertheless it does actually exist, has also been shown in its own chapter, and after that here and there in those that followed. But, apart from this, who does not know that there is such a love, which in excellence and delightfulness so transcends all other loves that they all seem relatively of small account? That it surpasses the love of self, the love of the world, yea, the love of life, experiences testify. Have there not been, and are there not, those who for the woman desired and solicited as a bride prostrate themselves on their knees, adore her as a goddess, and submit as the vilest slaves to her good pleasure? A proof that this love exceeds the love of self. Have there not been, and are there not, those who for the woman chosen and solicited as a bride count wealth, yea, treasures if they possess them as nothing, and who lavish them also? A proof that this love exceeds the love of the world. Have there not been, and are there not, those who for the woman chosen and solicited for a bride esteem their very life of no account, and crave death if she does not yield to their petition? And to this the many encounters of rivals even unto death testify. A proof that this love is greater than the love of life. Have there not been, and are there not, those who for the woman chosen and solicited for a bride have been made insane by refusal? May one not rationally conclude from this beginning of that love with many, that from its essence this love dominates over every other love as supreme, and that at the time the soul of the man is in it, and promises to itself eternal beatitudes with her who is his choice and solicitation? Who, wheresoever he may search, can discover any other cause for this than that he has given up his soul and his heart to the one? For if a lover while in that state were given the option to elect the most worthy, the most wealthy, and the most beautiful of all the sex from the universe, would he not spurn the option and hold to his chosen one? For his heart is hers alone. These things are said that you may acknowledge that there is a conjugial love of such super-eminence, and that it exists while one only of the sex is loved. What understanding that looks with a keen sight at reasonings, in just connection, cannot deduce from this that, if from his soul, or from inmosts, the lover abides constantly in his love to her, he would realize those eternal beatitudes which he had promised to himself before consent and which he promises in consent? It has been shown above that he also does attain them, if he comes to the Lord and from Him lives true religion. Who else than He enters into the life of man from above, imparts internal, heavenly joys, and carries them into their sequences? And this the more when at the same time He also gives constant potency. That there is no such love and cannot be because it is not with one's self, or this person or that, is not a valid conclusion.
333. I. Quod nisi cum una Uxore non dari queat amor vere conjugialis, consequenter nec vere conjugialis amicitia, confidentia, potentia; et talis mentium conjunctio, ut sint una caro. Quod amor vere Conjugialis hodie tam rarus sit, ut communiter sit ignotus, supra aliquoties indigitatum est; quod tamen actualiter detur, in suo Capite, et post illud per vices in sequentibus, demonstratum factum est. Alioquin quis non scit, quod detur talis amor, qui omnes alios amores excellentia et amaenitate superscandit, adeo ut omnes amores respectu ejus sint parvi; quod excedat amorem sui, amorem mundi, imo amorem vitae, experientiae testantur; fueruntne et suntne, qui pro foemina optata et rogata in sponsam, se prosternunt super genua, illam quasi deam adorant, et sicut vilissimi servi beneplacitis ejus se submittunt; indicium, quod ille amor excedat amorem sui. Fueruntne et suntne, qui pro foemina optata et rogata in sponsam, nihili pendunt opes, imo gazas, si possiderent, et quoque qui prodigunt illas; indicium, quod ille amor excedat amorem Mundi. Fueruntne et suntne, qui pro foemina optata et rogata in sponsam, ipsam vitam suam pro vili aestimant, et discupiunt mori, nisi paciscatur se voto illorum; hoc quoque testantur plures rivalium dimicationes usque ad necem; indicium, quod ille amor excedat amorem vitae. Fueruntne et suntne, qui pro foemina optata et rogata in sponsam, ex negatione amentes facti sunt.
[2] Quis non ex hoc inchoamento illius amoris apud plures, potest rationaliter concludere, quod amor ille ex sua essentia ut supremus dominetur super omnem alium amorem, et quod anima hominis tunc in illo sit, ac spondeat sibi cum optata et rogata beatitudines aeternas; quis videre potest, si quaversum disquirat, aliam causam, quam quod addixerit animam suam et cor suum ad unam; nam si amasio, dum in illo statu est, optio daretur eligendi ex universo sexu dignissimam, opulentissimam, et formosissimam, nonne despiceret optionem, et adhaereret electae; cor enim ejus est ad unicam illam. Haec dicta sunt, ut agnoscatis, quod amor conjugialis talis supereminentiae detur, et quod detur dum una e sexu unice amatur. Quis intellectus, qui rationes in nexu elimata acie intuetur, non potest inde deducere, quod si amator ab anima seu ab intimis constanter persistit in amore ad illam, consequeretur aeternas illas beatitudines, quas sibi ante consensum spopondit, et in consensu spondet: quod etiam consequatur illas, si adeat Dominum, et ab Ipso vivat veram religionem, supra ostensum est: quis alius a superiori intrat vitam hominis, et gaudia coelestia interna indit, et in consequentia transfert; et eo plus, dum etiam simul constantem virtutem donat. Quod talis amor non detur, nec dabilis, quia non apud se, ac apud hunc et illum est, non valet consequentia.