59、然而，真正的婚姻之爱如此罕见，以致人们不知道它的性质，几乎不知道它的存在。这是因为，结婚前如胶似漆的这种状态后来由于这种感觉没能持续下去，而逐渐变成冷淡的状态。造成这种状态变化的原因还有很多，无法在此一一列举。不过，我会等到后面依次讨论冷淡、分居、离婚的因素时阐述它们。由此可见，对现今绝大多数人来说，婚姻之爱的形像，连同认识它的可能性已被磨灭了，以致人们不知道它的性质，甚至几乎不知道它的存在。众所周知，人出生时仅属乎肉体，由此状态越来越深入，逐渐变得属世，继而变得理性，最后变得属灵。这是一个渐进式过程，因为肉体层面相当于土壤，属世、理性和属灵的观念依次被种植于其中。人就这样变得越来越是一个人。
跨入婚姻后的情形也差不多。这时，他成为更完全的人，因为他通过与配偶结合而与她行如一体。不过，这仅发生在最初阶段，此阶段反映了婚姻之爱的某种形像，如前所述。然后，他以同样的方式始于肉体，并逐渐向属世层发展，只是现在涉及婚姻生活，因而涉及合而为一。在此阶段，人若热爱肉体或属世之物，并基于它们热爱理性，就无法与其配偶融为一体，仅于外在合一。一旦外在消退，冷淡就侵入内在，将这爱的快乐逐出，先从心智、进而从肉体逐出，然后从肉体，进而从心智逐出。这一过程会持续到其婚姻最初状态的记忆、因而关于它的知识荡然无存的地步。由于这就是当今绝大多数人的情形，所以很明显，人们不知道真正的婚姻之爱是什么，甚至几乎不知道它的存在。属灵之人的情形则迥然不同。对他们来说，婚姻的最初状态是步入永恒幸福状态的起始。随着配偶双方心智的属灵理性层和由此身体的感官属世层逐渐联结和融合，这些状态逐渐发展。不过，这种人极为罕见。
59、然而，真正的婚姻之爱很少，人们几乎不知道它是什么样的，不知道它曾经存在。这是因为婚前那种愉快的感觉很快就会变得淡漠，以致于好多从前的快乐根本没有存在过。这种情况的原因有很多，这里暂不提。在以后的章节中会讲到冷淡，分居和离婚等等。由上我们可知对于如今的多数人来讲，真正的婚姻之爱如此少见，人们甚至不知道它曾经存在过。
我们知道每个人在出生时都是只有温饱的需要。然后渐渐变为自然人，之后变得有理性，最后变得有灵性。这样的过程的原因是，温饱等躯体的需要可以说是土壤，自然人性，理性和灵魂逐渐进入到人的生命中。人这样就变得更加人性化。
当人走到婚姻中时，也会有类似的情况。一个人因为与他的配偶相结合而成为一体使得一个人更完整。最初阶段的情况在前面已经讲过。同样的逻辑，一个人开始从躯体为基础而转向自然人性。
在这一阶段的人只注重躯体的和自然的因素，理性的因素还不能与他们的配偶相结合而为一体，只有外在因素相结合了。当外在因素消逝后，冷淡开始侵入。这使得爱的快乐不在存在，他们在思想上开始有分歧，然后在身体上彼此分离，最终使得他们不再有婚姻之初的甜美记忆，并且对它完全忘记。
因为这就是今天大多数人的情况，所以很少有人知道真正的婚姻之爱的存在。
有灵性的人的情况则不同。对于他们，婚姻之初阶段是他们的幸福的起始阶段。这种幸福随着头脑理性的发展而发展。双方相似的自然方面的属性也相互结合为一，但这样的人很少。
59. The reason why truly conjugial love is so rare that its nature is unknown and almost its very existence is that the state of being charmed before marriage is afterwards turned into one of indifference, as the result of a failure to continue feeling this charm. There are more reasons for this change of state than can be cited here, but I shall deal with them later in discussing in due order the reasons for coldness, separation and divorce. It will be seen from these that for most people today the picture of conjugial love is blotted out, and with it the possibility of recognising it, so that its nature is unknown and almost its very existence. It is well known that at birth every human being is simply concerned with the body; from this state he becomes more and more inwardly natural and so rational, and finally spiritual. This takes place by stages, because the bodily level is, as it were, the ground, in which natural, rational and spiritual ideas are planted, one after the other. Thus a person becomes more and more human.
[2] What happens on entering upon marriage is almost the same. Then a person becomes more fully human, because by being joined with his partner he acts as one person with her. But this happens at the first stage, when there is a kind of picture [of conjugial love], as mentioned before. It begins in the same way from the bodily level, and progresses to the natural, but in respect of married life, and so to union into one. Those who then love what is bodily or natural, and only the rational ideas arising from them, cannot be joined as it were into one with their partner, except at this outward level. And when the outward level fails, coldness invades the inward levels driving the pleasures of that love from the body as it does from the mind, and later from the mind as it does from the body. This process goes so far that nothing is left of the remembrance of the earliest state of their marriage, and so there is no knowledge of it. Since this is the case with most people today, it is now plain that the nature of truly conjugial love is unknown, and almost its very existence. The case of spiritual people is quite different. For them the first state is an introduction to perpetual bliss, and this progressively grows, as the spiritual rational level of the mind, and as a result the natural sensual level of the body, in each person join with that of the other and unite. But such people are rare.
59. Nevertheless, truly conjugial love is so rare that people do not know what it is like, and scarcely that it exists. This is because the state of happy feelings before the wedding afterwards turns into a state of indifference as these feelings become no longer felt. The reasons for this change in state are too many to be presented here, but they will be presented in a later chapter, where the reasons for states of coldness, separations and divorces are disclosed in turn. 1It will be seen from these that in most people today, the image of conjugial love referred to above is so extinguished - and with it, knowledge of this love - that people do not even know what it is like, and scarcely that it exists.
People know that every person is merely physical at birth, and that from being physical he becomes more and more deeply natural, and thus rational, and finally spiritual. The reason for such a progressive development is that the physical element is the soil, so to speak, in which natural, rational and spiritual qualities are planted in turn. A person thus becomes more and more human.
[2] Almost the same sort of thing happens when one enters marriage. A person then becomes a more complete human being, because he is united with a partner with whom he may act as one person. In the first state, however, this is reflected in a kind of image, as mentioned before. In similar fashion he then starts from the physical element and progresses into the natural, only this time in respect to married life and so union into one.
People who in this state love the physical, natural aspects, and the rational aspects only on account of these, cannot be united with their partner as though into one, except in respect to these external aspects. When the external aspects then fade, the inward ones are invaded by coldness, which takes away the delights of this love, driving them first from the mind and so from the body, and afterwards from the body and so from the mind. And this finally reaches the point that nothing remains of their memory of the early state of their marriage, nor do they consequently retain any concept of it.
Now because this is what happens in the case of most people today, it is plain that people do not know what truly conjugial love is like, and scarcely that it exists.
It is different in the case of people who are spiritual. In their case, the first state of marriage is an introduction to continuing states of happiness, which advance as the spiritual rationality of the mind and consequently the natural sensuality of the body in one partner join and unite with these same qualities in the other. But people like this are rare.
Footnotes:
1. See nos. 234ff.
59. Still, the real love in marriage is so rare that people do not know what it is like, and hardly that it exists, because the happy state before the wedding changes afterwards to a state of indifference due to apathy. The reasons for this change of state are too many to take up here, but they come up later where the reasons for coldness, separation, and divorce are examined in turn. This will show that for most people today the vision, and with it the knowledge, of this married love is so annihilated that they do not know what it is like and hardly that it exists.
We know that every person is physically oriented when newborn. And then he becomes oriented to the natural world on a deeper and deeper level and in this way becomes rational, and finally spiritual. It goes step by step this way because physicality is like the soil where the natural, rational, and spiritual qualities are planted one by one. In this way a person becomes more and more fully human. Practically the same thing happens when he enters marriage. He becomes more fully human, because he works together with a partner and acts as one person with her. But in the first state this comes in a sort of pattern, already mentioned.
Then in married life he begins the same way - physically - and moves on to the natural world and from there to union into one.
From that point, those who love physically on a worldly plane and involve their reason only on those terms can only join together as one with a partner outwardly. And when the outward amenities fail, coldness invades the inner person, and this shatters the happiness of their love mentally and therefore physically and then physically and therefore mentally. And this goes on until the person has no memory of the first state of his marriage, and consequently no recognition of it. Now, this happens to many people these days, so that people obviously do not know what the real love in marriage is like, and they hardly even know it exists.
It works differently for spiritual people. To them the first state is an introduction to perpetual happiness. This gradually expands as the spiritual dimensions of their rational minds, and therefore the natural dimensions of their bodily senses, join together and unite with one another. But these people are rare.
59. The reason why love truly conjugial is so rare that it is not known what it is and scarcely that it is, is because the state of pleasure before the nuptials is afterwards changed into a state of indifference arising from insensibility to that pleasure. The causes of this change of state are more than can here be adduced, but they will be adduced in the following pages when the causes of colds, separations, and divorces are disclosed in their order. There it will be seen that with most men at this day, the image and with it the knowledge of conjugial love is so far effaced that it is not known what it is and scarcely that it is.
It is known that every man when born is merely corporeal, and that from being corporeal he becomes natural, more and more interior, and then rational, and finally spiritual. The reason why this takes place progressively, is because the corporeal is as the ground wherein, in their due order, are implanted things natural, rational, and spiritual; thus the man becomes more and more a man.
[2] It is almost the same when he enters into marriage; the man then becomes a fuller man because conjoined with a consort with whom he acts as one man. In the first state, spoken of above, this is effected in an image; then in like manner he commences from the corporeal and advances into the natural, but now as to the conjugial life and hence as to conjunction into a one. They who then love corporeal natural things, and only from them love things rational, cannot be conjoined with a consort as into a one except as to those externals. And when the externals fail, cold invades the internals and dispels the delights of that love, first expelling them from the mind and so from the body, and then from the body and so from the mind, and this until nothing is left of the remembrance of the early state of their marriage, and consequently no knowledge concerning it. Now since this is the case with most men at the present day, it is clear that it is not known what love truly conjugial is and scarcely that it is. Not so with those who are spiritual. With them, the first state is an initiation into perpetual states of happiness; and these states are promoted in the degree that the spiritual rational of the mind of the one, and from this the sensual natural of the body, conjoins and unites itself with that of the other. But such men are rare.
59. True marital love is so rare that its character is not known, and scarcely that it exists, because the state of pleasantness before the wedding is changed later by a growing insensibility, into a state of indifference. The causes of this change of state are too numerous to give here, but will be given below, where the causes of cold, separation and divorce are disclosed in due order. There it will be seen that with most partners today the above-mentioned image of marital love, with the knowledge it affords of that love, is so far destroyed that men do not know what that love is like and hardly that it exists. We know that every human being is merely physical at birth, and from physical becomes more and more interiorly natural, and so rational, and at length spiritual. There is such a development because the physical is like ground in which things natural, rational and spiritual in turn are sown. So the human being becomes more and more a human being.
[2] A development not unlike this ensues upon marriage. The human being then becomes a fuller human being, being united with a partner with whom he acts as one being, though in the first state this takes place only in a kind of image, of which above. At that time, too, he starts in the physical, and advances in the natural, now, however, in respect of the married life and thus of the union into one. Those who then love corporeal natural things and rational things only for these, cannot be united with the partner into one being except in things external; and on the failure of things external, inward cold makes itself felt, driving the joys of that love from the body as it does so from the mind, and afterwards from the mind as it drives them from the body. This goes on until the two retain no recollection and thus no knowledge of the first state of their marriage. As this is what occurs with most today, it is obvious that men do not know what true marital love is like or that it exists. It is otherwise with partners who are spiritual. To them the first state is the beginning of perpetual joys, which grow as the spiritual rational of the mind and from this the natural sensuous of the body in the one are joined and united with those of the other. But such partners are few.
59. The reason why love truly conjugial is so rare that its quality is not known, and scarcely that it exists, is that the state of pleasantness before marriage is changed after marriage into a state of indifference, from insensibility to it. The causes of this change of state are more than can be here adduced; but they will be adduced hereafter where the causes of coldness, of separation, and of divorce are disclosed in their order, -whence it will appear that with most persons at this day the likeness and with it the knowledge of conjugial love is so effaced that its quality is unknown, and it is scarcely known that there is such love.
It is known that every man when born is merely corporeal, and that from corporeal he becomes natural, more and more interiorly, and thus rational; and finally becomes spiritual. The reason why this takes place progressively is that the corporeal is as the ground in which things natural, rational, and spiritual in their order are implanted. A man thus becomes more and more a man. Almost the same takes place when he enters into marriage; then man becomes a fuller man because united with a consort with whom he acts as one man. But in the first state this takes place in a certain image already spoken of. He then in like manner begins from the corporeal and advances into the natural, but as to the conjugial life and thence as to conjunction into one. They who then love corporeal natural things, and only from them love things rational, cannot be conjoined with a consort as into one except as to those externals; and when the externals fail, a coldness invades the internals, and dispels the delights of that love, as from the mind so from the body, and afterwards as from the body so from the mind, and this until nothing is left of the remembrance of the earliest state of their marriage, and consequently no cognizance of it. Now since this occurs with most men at the present day, it is clear that it is not known what love truly conjugial is, and scarcely that there is any such love. It is different with those that are spiritual. With them the first state is the introduction to perpetual states of bliss; which increase in degree as the spiritual rational of the mind, and from this the sensual natural of the body of the one conjoin and unite themselves with those of the other. But these instances are rare.
59. Quod tamen Amor vere conjugialis tam rarus sit, ut non sciatur qualis est, et vix quod sit, est quia status amaenitatum ante nuptias, post illas mutatur in statum indifferentiae ex insensibilitate illarum; causae mutationis illius status sunt plures, quam hic possunt afferri: sed afferentur in sequentibus, ubi Causae frigorum, separationum, et divortiorum in suo ordine detegentur; ex quibus videbitur, quod apud plerosque hodie ita aboleatur imago illa amoris conjugialis, et cum illa cognitio, usque ut non sciatur qualis est, et vix quod sit. Notum est, quod omnis homo, dum nascitur, sit mere corporeus, et quod a corporeo fiat naturalis interior et interior, et sic rationalis, et demum spiritualis; quod ita progressive, est quia corporeum est sicut humus, cui naturalia, rationalia, et spiritualia in suo ordine inseruntur; ita fit homo plus et plus homo:
[2] paene simile fit cum init conjugium; tunc fit homo plenior homo, quia conjungitur cum consorte, cum qua unum hominem agat; sed hoc fit in Primo statu in quadam imagine, de quo prius; similiter tunc inchoat a corporeo, et procedit in naturale, sed quoad conjugialem vitam, et inde conjunctionem in unum; illi qui tunc amant corporea naturalia, et solum rationalia ex illis, non possunt conjungi consorti sicut in unum, nisi quoad externa illa, et cum externa deficiunt, invadit interna frigus, quod amoris illius jucunda sicut a mente ita a corpore, ac postea sicut a corpore ita a mente, discutit, et hoc eo usque dum non superest aliquid ex reminiscentia de statu primaevo sui conjugii, 1consequenter nec cognitio de illo: nunc quia ita fit hodie apud plerosque, patet quod amor vere conjugialis non sciatur qualis est, et vix quod sit. Aliter fit illis qui spirituales sunt; his est Primus status initiamentum ad faustitates perpetuas, quae gradum promovent, sicut spirituale rationale mentis, et ex hoc naturale sensuale corporis, unius cum alterius se conjungunt et uniunt; sed hi rari sunt.
Footnotes:
1. Prima editio: coujugii,