1823. I spoke with them- which is done by an inward speech - and they were surprised that I would give to the poor, thinking that it must be for gaining merit, and therefore should not be done. I replied that it is only to satisfy the conscience, for conscience dictates it. If one goes against the conscience, it is a sin, which carries its own punishment, since there is punishment in every sin.
But one must not expect a reward, and thus do it to gain credit. I saw, in fact, by a spiritual idea, that if there is even the least bit of self-merit, one obtains no reward whatsoever. For all spiritual reward comes from mercy, and self-merit is repugnant to mercy. For this reason also, some spirits are very surprised that they obtain nothing for having done good deeds in their life, because it was for their own sake, so that they would be rewarded.
However, it is different if this is done in simplicity and innocence, by one who does not know otherwise than that one may do good deeds for the sake of reward.
1823. I spoke with them through a certain interior speech, when they wondered that I gave to the poor, supposing that that would be meritorious, and therefore not to be done. I replied that it was done solely for the sake of conscience, for conscience dictated it, and if it were contrary to conscience it would be sin, which would carry its punishment with it, as there is [always] punishment in sin. But [in the present case] there was no expectation of reward, and so nothing meritorious. Indeed I then perceived by a spiritual idea that if even the least degree of the meritorious was present in what was done, nothing of reward would accrue, for all reward is of mercy, to which everything of self-merit is repugnant. Wherefore certain spirits wonder much that they obtain nothing, inasmuch as they performed good deeds in their lifetime, but the reason is, that they did everything from a selfish motive, for the purpose of obtaining a reward. The case, however, is different when one acts from simplicity and innocence, not being aware but that the hope of reward is a proper motive of action.
1823. Cum iis loquutus sum, quod fit per interiorem loquelam, qui mirati quod darem pauperibus, putantes quod id foret meritorium, et sic non faciendum, respondi, quod id solum fiat conscientiae gratia, nam conscientia tale dictat, et si contra conscientiam, peccatum est, quod poenam secum fert, nam in peccato poena; at quod nihil exspectandum praemii, sic non meritorium, imo per spiritualem ideam tunc percepi, quod si vel minimum meritorii inest, nihil praemii obtineat, nam praemium omne est ex misericordia, cui repugnat id quod est meriti proprii: quare etiam spiritus quidam mirantur multum, quod nihil obtineant ideo, quod bona in vita patraverint, quia propter se, praemii obtinendi causa; at vero si ex simplicitate et innocentia, quod aliter non sciret, praeter quod praemii causa faciat {a}, aliter se habet.