2043. What it means "to be nothing"
There were spirits who did not understand what it meant when it was said one "must be reduced to nothing" or "become nothing," thinking that when they lost those things which were their own, nothing would be left, so that the person or spirit would no longer be in control of himself, but like a machine, devoid of all sense or thought. So they very often told me that I was nothing, or would become nothing, making fun of me, because they did not understand what it is "to be nothing." But I was given to reply to them that this was my wish, that is, to be nothing-in fact, entirely nothing, for then only I would begin to be something.
2043. WHAT IS SIGNIFIED BY BEING NOTHING.
Spirits who did not understand what is implied in its being said that we are to undergo a process of annihilation, or becoming nothing, inasmuch as they supposed that by losing those things which were most peculiarly their own, they would be left so entirely destitute that neither man nor spirit would be intelligently master of himself, but be like a machine, devoid of all sense and reflection - such spirits often said to me that I should be nothing, should become nothing, but in a jesting way, as they did not understand what was implied in being nothing. But it was given me to reply to them that this was what I desired, to wit, to be nothing, yea, absolutely nothing, for then I should first begin to be something.
2043. Quid significat "nihil esse"
Spiritus, qui non intellexerunt, quid esset, quod diceretur annihilandum esse, seu nihil fieri, putantes [quod] cum amitterent ea quae iis propria essent, nihil remaneret, sic ut homo seu spiritus amplius nullius compos esset, sed sicut machina, omnis sensus et cogitationis expers 1
, saepius mihi dixerunt, quod nihil essem, et nihil fierem, sic illudendo, quia non intelligebant, quid "esse nihil"; sed dabatur mihi iis respondere, quod id optassem, nempe nihil esse, imo prorsus nihil, tunc primum inciperem esse aliquid.
Footnotes:
1. in perfectum in the Manuscript