297、⑵男人应追求女人，向她求婚，反过来不行。这是作出选择后的结果。追求女人，向她们求婚本身对男人来说是高尚、得体的，但对女人则不然。女人若真的去追求和求婚，不但会受到诽谤，而且求婚后会被看贱，或婚后被视为放荡，只能生活在冷漠和厌恶中。因此，这会使婚姻陷入悲惨的境地。因此缘故，妻子们甚至将屈服于男人要求的压力当成一种美德。谁都不难预见，女人若追求男人，很少被接受，要么被愤然拒绝，要么被唆使放荡；她们还会糟践自己的谦逊。此外，男人天生没有两性情爱，如前所示（161节）；没有这爱，生活就缺乏内在的乐趣。所以，男人若要通过这爱提升自己的生活水平，就有义务讨好女人，礼貌、殷勤、谦卑地靠近她们，乞求她们给求婚者的生活增添她们所能带来的那份甜蜜。而且，女性相对男人所拥有的漂亮脸蛋、身材和举止也算是一种额外的奖赏。
297、（2）男人应该追求女人，并且向她求婚，而不能相反。这是决定去追谁的结果。另外男人追女人并请她与自己结婚是合适的，而相反却不然。若女人去追求男人并请他与自己结婚。女人会被责备，几次后她会被看不起。或者是婚后，成为淫爱的奴隶。这种情况下只会有冷漠的令人会厌弃的家庭关系。婚姻就会成为悲剧。这样的女人就象是向丈夫投降。女人追求男人很少会被接受。她们不是被拒绝就是被诱骗而成为男人淫乐的对象。
另外，男人没有对异性的天生的爱（参见161节）。因此他的生活缺乏内在的快乐。所以他要追求女人，让女人给自己的生活带来那份甜蜜。异性的美和行为会压制男人而遵守许诺。
297. (ii) The man should court and propose marriage to the woman, and not the reverse.
This follows after the choice is made; moreover, it is honourable and proper for men to court and propose to women, and the reverse is not. If women were to court and propose, they would not only be exposed to slander, but after proposing they would be regarded as cheapened, or after marriage as lustful, women there was no living with except in coldness and loathing. This therefore turns marriages into tragic spectacles. Wives even make a virtue of, as it were, surrendering overcome by the pressure of men's demands. Can anyone fail to foresee that, if women courted men, they would rarely be accepted, being either angrily rebuffed or seduced to wantonness, and they would also prostitute their modesty? Moreover, men have no inborn sexual love, as was convincingly proved above; and without that love, there is no inner pleasantness in life. In order, therefore, to raise the level of their life by that love, it is the duty of men to flatter women, politely, assiduously and humbly approaching them and begging them to add the sweetness they can bring to their suitors' lives. The loveliness of face, figure and behaviour that sex possesses as compared with men comes as an additional bonus.
297. 2. The man ought to court the woman and ask her to marry him, and not the other way around. This is a consequence following his choosing whom to court. Moreover, it is also honorable and seemly for men to court women and ask them to marry them, whereas it would not be seemly for women to do so in reverse. If women were to do the courting and asking, they would not only be censured, but after several times of asking they would also be regarded as contemptible, or after marriage as slaves to lust, with whom it would be impossible to have any domestic relations other than cold and disgusting ones. Marriages would be thus changed into tragic scenes. Wives on that account even turn it to their credit that they yielded to their men's pressing the question, as though in surrender to them. Who does not envision that if women were to court men, they would rarely be accepted, but would be either shamefully rejected or seduced into wanton acts, in addition to prostituting their modesty?
Furthermore, men do not have any innate love for the opposite sex, as evidenced earlier, 1and without that love, they lack an inner enjoyment of life. Consequently, to enhance their life by that love, it is incumbent on men to make appeals to women, by politely, respectfully and humbly courting them and asking them to grant that sweet addition to their lives. The beauty of that sex in face, form and manners, surpassing that of men, also adds itself as an obligation of the vow.
Footnotes:
1. See no. 161:2.
297. 2. It is proper for the man to court and ask the woman to marry him, and not the other way around. This comes from his having the choice, and also it is respectable and proper for men to court and ask women to marry, but not for women. If women courted and solicited, not only would they be reproached, but also they would have a cheap reputation after they asked, or after marriage they would be considered wanton people whom there is no living with, without coldness and loathing. So in this way marriages would be turned into tragic scenarios. Also, wives make it praiseworthy in themselves that they surrendered to the earnest pleas of men, as if conquered. Who cannot foresee that if women courted men they would rarely be accepted? They would either be scornfully rejected or enticed into wantonness and prostitute their modesty as well.
Furthermore, men do not have any love for the other sex innately, as shown above, and without that love, life has no inner charm. So men need to be pleasant to women in order to improve their lives with that love, politely, courteously, and humbly courting and begging them for this sweet addition to their lives. Besides, the beauty of this sex's face, body, and manners, more than the male sex's, is appropriate for devotion.
II. THAT IT BEHOOVES THE MAN TO COURT THE WOMAN AND ASK HER RESPECTING MARRIAGE WITH HIM, AND NOT THE REVERSE. This is a consequence following choice. For men, the courting of women and the asking them in marriage is in itself honorable and decorous, but not for women. If women were to ask men, they would not only be censured, but after the asking they would be counted cheap or, after the marriage, as wantons with whom there is no fellowship except what is cold and disdainful. Marriages would thus be turned into tragic scenes. Wives, moreover, account it to their praise that they yielded themselves to the earnest entreaty of the men, as though conquered. Who does not foresee that if women were to court men they would rarely be accepted? rather would they be indignantly spurned or enticed to wantonness; they would also prostitute their modesty. Moreover, as shown above (No. 161[2]),with men there is no innate love of the sex, and without that love there is no interior pleasantness of life. Therefore, if they are to exalt their life by that love, it is incumbent on men to be pleasant with women, soliciting and entreating them for this sweet addition to their life with courtesy, deference, and humility. Moreover, the beauty of that sex above the male in face, body, and manners, adds itself as a claim on their devotion.
297. (ii) The man should court and ask the woman in marriage, and not the woman the man. This follows on choice. Moreover, it is in itself honorable and seemly for men to court and ask women in marriage, but not for the women. If women courted and sued, they not only would be reproached, but after the suit would be held cheap, or after marriage considered wantons with whom no companionship could be had, except one cold and repulsive. Marriages then become tragic scenes. Wives also turn it to their praise that they gave themselves up as conquered at the urgent suit of the men. Who does not see that if women were to court men they would seldom be accepted, but would either be shamefully spurned or enticed to lasciviousness, and in any event would prostitute their modesty? Besides, as we showed above, there is no innate love of the sex with men, and without that love there is no interior charm of life; to exalt their life by that love, therefore, men must make themselves agreeable to women, courting them courteously, deferentially and humbly, and suing for this sweet addition from them to their life. Woman's beauty of face, body and manners, moreover, surpassing his own, puts a man's prayers in debt.
297. (2) That the man ought to court and solicit the woman respecting marriage with him, and not the reverse. This is consequent upon the election being with him. Besides, to court and solicit women with reference to marriage is in itself honorable and decorous for men; but not for women. If women were to court and solicit they would not merely be reproached, but also after their solicitations, would be reputed vile, or after marriage as wantons with whom there is no fellowship except cold and disdainful. Wherefore marriages would thus be turned into tragic scenes. Wives even turn it to their praise that they gave themselves up as conquered, at the earnest solicitations of the men. Who does not foresee that if women courted men they would rarely be accepted? Either they would be indignantly spurned, or enticed to wantonness, and would also prostitute their modesty. Besides, with men there is no innate love of the sex, as has been shown above, 1and without that love there is no interior charm of life; for which reason, to exalt their life by that love it devolves upon men to be complaisant to women, courteously, kindly, and deferentially wooing and soliciting them for this sweet addition by them to their life. The beauty of face, of body, and of manners, of that sex, beyond that of the male, also adds itself like the obligation of a vow.
Footnotes:
1. n. 161.
297. II. Quod virum oporteat ambire et rogare foeminam de conjugio secum, et non vicissim. Hoc est consequens post electionem; et praeterea ambire et rogare foeminas de conjugio, est in se honestum et decorum viris, non autem foeminis; si foeminae ambirent et rogarent, non modo vituperarentur, sed etiam post rogationes reputarentur ut viles, aut post conjugium ut libidines, cum quibus non dantur contubernia, nisi frigida et fastidiosa; quare sic conjugia verterentur in scenas tragicas; etiam uxores in laudem sibi vertunt, quod ad instantias rogationis virorum se sicut victas tradiderint: quis non praevidet, quod foeminae, si ambirent viros, raro acceptarentur, vel indigne repudiarentur, vel pellicerentur ad lascivias, et quoque pudicitiam suam prostituerent. Praeterea viris non aliquis amor sexus innatus est, ut supra evictum est, et absque amore illo, non est interior vitae amaenitas, quare ad exaltandum vitam suam per illum amorem, incumbit viris adblandiri foeminis, civiliter, officiose et humiliter ambiendo et rogando de dulci illo additamento vitae suae ab illis; venustas faciei, corporis et morum illius sexus, prae virili, addit quoque se ut voti debitum.