98、⑼在人里面，两性情爱并非婚姻之爱的源头，只是其最初阶段，因而好比被植入属灵内层的属世外层。我在此所说的是真正的婚姻之爱，而不是也被称为婚姻的世俗爱情；有些情况下，这种世俗的爱情无非是受限的两性情爱。而真正的婚姻之爱只在那些渴慕智慧，因而不断朝它前进的人当中。主预见这些人，并为他们提供婚姻之爱。诚然，他们的婚姻之爱始于两性情爱，确切地说，通过两性情爱开始；然而，两性情爱并非它的源头。婚姻之爱是随着人的智慧逐步向前发展并进入光明而成长的；因为智慧与婚姻之爱是不可分割的伴侣。
婚姻之爱之所以从两性情爱开始，原因有二：首先，在未找到配偶之前，人一般都爱异性，并以爱慕的眼神看待异性，对她们彬彬有礼。社会习俗也在其中起到一定作用。事实上，青少年处在一个自由选择的时期，并且，由于和一个女人结婚的本能倾向潜藏在他的内心深处，所以他的外在会逐渐变得温和。其次，由于种种原因，结婚的最终决定被推迟，甚至推迟到成年；在此期间，婚姻之爱一开始类似欲望，在有些情况下，这会实际转化为两性情爱；即便在这些情况下，约束也不会松懈到认为纵欲有益健康的地步。以上这些话适用于男性，不适用于女性，因为男性会屈服于产生真正激情的诱惑。由此明显可知，两性情爱并非婚姻真爱的源头，而是其最初阶段；不过，这最初阶段是时间上的，而非目的上的；因为在目的上为首、为主要事物的，就是在心智及其意图中为首的。但若非通过一系列中间阶段，没有人能达到这最初目的。这些中间阶段本身并非最初目的，只是促进最初目的实现的方法。
98、（9）对异性的爱不是婚姻之爱的来源，只是婚姻之爱的最初阶段。就好象内在的品质存在于外在的属性之中一样。我们这里讲的是真正的婚姻之爱，而不是普通的被称为婚姻的爱，有些婚姻中的爱只不过是受了约束的对异性的爱，真正的婚姻之爱存在于渴望真理的人中。主看顾这些人并给予他们婚姻之爱，在这些人中，婚姻之爱以对异性的爱为开端，或者说以这种爱作为媒介，但却不是婚姻之爱的来源，因为这种爱来自于智慧，智慧与婚姻之爱是不可分割的。
我们说对异性的爱是婚姻之爱的媒介，是因为在人没有找到伴侣之前，他爱一切异性。青年时期选择配偶的时期，这时由于内在的与一个人结为伴侣的婚姻倾向，他的外在特征渐渐成熟。这种婚姻的倾向存在于大脑的深层。
我们说对异性的爱是婚姻之爱的媒介，还因为婚姻会因为许多原因而推迟，婚姻之爱起始阶段，这种爱感觉上好像是一种色欲之爱。但是这些人并不是可以为所欲为的，这只是一种健康的需要。这是指男性，因为男性更会受到这一方面的诱惑。
很明显对异性的爱不是婚姻之爱的来源，而只是它的最初阶段。起始是这样，结尾不是这样。在最终阶段处于首位的才是头脑的意图，是最终目标。没有人能一步达到最终目标，都是要通过媒介的。这是媒介阶段不是最终目标而只是向目标前进的一个阶段。
98. (ix) Sexual love in a human being is not the source of conjugial love, but is its first phase, being as it were the natural exterior in which the spiritual interior is implanted.
I am speaking here of truly conjugial love, not the common kind of love which is also called conjugial 1love, and in some cases is nothing but a restricted sexual love. Truly conjugial love is only to be found among those who have a thirst for wisdom, and so advance further and further towards it. The Lord sees them beforehand and provides them with conjugial love. This love of theirs certainly begins with sexual love or rather begins by way of sexual love; but this is not its source. It grows as the person's wisdom steps forward and comes to light; for wisdom and conjugial love are inseparable companions.
[2] The reason why conjugial love begins with sexual love is that, before a partner is found, there is a generalised love and aimiable disposition towards the other sex. Social custom also plays a part in it. For the young man is free to choose, and as a result of the innate inclination towards marriage with one woman, which lurks in the depths of his mind, his exterior is aroused to welcome warmth. A final resolution on marriage is put off for various reasons until he is well into adulthood, and meanwhile the beginning of this love resembles lust, which in some cases actually turns into sexual love; still in these cases restraint is not relaxed beyond the point up to which indulgence is conducive to health. These remarks apply to the male sex. since this is subject to an enticement which produces genuine passion; but they do not apply to the female sex.
These considerations make it plain that sexual love is not the source of truly conjugial love, but is its first stage in time, but not first as an objective. That which is the first objective comes first in the mind and intention, because it plays the leading role. But this first objective is approached by a succession of intermediate stages. These are not essentially first objectives, but merely means which promote the realisation of what is in itself the first objective.
98. 9. A love for the opposite sex in a person is not the origin of conjugial love, but it is its first stage, being thus like any external natural quality in which an internal spiritual one is implanted. We are referring here to truly conjugial love, and not the ordinary love which is also called conjugial, and which in some cases is nothing more than a love for the opposite sex that has been restricted. Truly conjugial love in contrast exists solely in people who are eager for wisdom and who accordingly advance further and further into it. The Lord foresees these people and provides conjugial love for them. In such people conjugial love indeed begins with a love for the opposite sex, or rather, through the agency of that love, but still it does not originate from it. For it springs up as wisdom advances and emerges into light in the person, wisdom and conjugial love being inseparable companions.
[2] We say that conjugial love begins through the agency of a love for the opposite sex because before a married partner is found, a person loves the opposite sex in general and regards it with loving eyes. In their company he also treats the opposite sex with courteous morality. For the adolescent is in a period of choosing, and at that time his external nature grows pleasantly warm from a deep-seated inclination to marriage with one, which lies hidden in the inner sanctum of his mind.
We also say that conjugial love begins through the agency of a love for the opposite sex for the further reason that decisions to marry are delayed for various reasons, even till half one's youth is spent, and in the meantime the beginning of conjugial love is felt as lust, which in some cases goes off into love between the sexes in act. But still, in such people, it is not given free rein further than is healthy. This refers, however, to the male sex, because it suffers an enticement that actively arouses it. It does not refer to the female sex.
[3] It is apparent from this that a love for the opposite sex is not the origin of truly conjugial love, but that it is its first stage, being first in time, but not in end. For that which is first in end is what is first in the mind and its intention, this being the primary objective. But no one reaches this primary objective except gradually, through intermediate steps. These steps are not primary goals in themselves, but only means of advancement to that which is primary in them.
98. 9. With people, sexual love is not the source of married love but a place for it to start. It is, so to speak, a worldly outside where a spiritual inside can be planted. The subject here is the real love in marriage and not the common love that is also called conjugal and for some is nothing but a limited sexual love. The real love in marriage, however, is found only among those who crave wisdom and therefore make steady progress toward it. The Lord can tell who they will be and provides married love for them. For them this love does indeed begin with sexual love, or better, through sexual love, but it does not originate there. Instead, it originates precisely when wisdom steps onto the scene for a man, for wisdom and this love are inseparable companions.
The reason that married love starts through sexual love is that before you find a partner you love the other sex, with a loving eye for them all, and treat them in a friendly way. Now, a young man is in a process of selection. At the same time, deep in his heart, the natural inclination to join with one woman is gently arousing him outwardly. Besides, marriage arrangements drag out for various reasons until halfway through manhood, and in the meantime the beginning of this love is a sort of lust that for some escapes into a love for active sex. Even they get free rein no more than is good for their health. But these statements are about the masculine sex, because it is an enticement that arouses them physically, but not about the feminine sex.
This shows that sexual love is not the source of real married love but is before it in point of time, though not in point of purpose.
For what is first in purpose is first in the mind and its intention, because it is the most important thing. But the only access to this thing is gradually through means to an end. The means are not the most important thing. They just move you on toward the most important thing.
98. IX. THAT WITH MAN, LOVE OF THE SEX IS NOT THE ORIGIN OF CONJUGIAL LOVE BUT IS THE FIRST THEREOF; THUS IS AS A NATURAL EXTERNAL WHEREIN IS IMPLANTED A SPIRITUAL INTERNAL. The subject here treated of is love truly conjugial, and not the common love which is also called conjugal 1and which with some is no other than a limited love of the sex. But love truly conjugial is with those only who desire wisdom and more deeply enter into it. These the Lord foresees, and for them He provides conjugial love. With them, this love does indeed commence from love of the sex, or rather by means of that love, yet it does not arise from it; for it arises in proportion as wisdom with the man advances its step and comes into the light, wisdom and that love being inseparable companions.
[2] That conjugial love has its commencement by means of love of the sex is 1. because, before a consort is found, the sex in general is loved, being regarded with a fond eye and treated with courteous morality; for an adolescent is in the period of choosing, and then, from an implanted inclination to marriage with one, which is latent in the shrine of his mind, his external grows pleasantly warm. And 2. because, for various reasons, determinations to marriage are delayed even to the middle of manhood, and meanwhile that love commences as lust, and with some this goes off into actual love of the sex, though with such men its bridle is loosed no further than is conducive to health. The above, however, is said of the male sex, because that sex, but not the female sex, has the allurement which inflames actually. From this it is evident that love of the sex is not the origin of love truly conjugial but is the first thereof in time, though not in end; for what is the first in end, being the primary thing, is the first in the mind and its intention. There is no approaching this first except gradually and by means. The means are not in themselves the first things; they are merely advances to that which is the first in itself.
Footnotes:
1. The word also suggests that this is a misprint for conjugial. The present passage and n. 203 and also one passage in THE WORD EXPLAINED (n. 4486) are the only passages in the theological Writings where the word conjugal appears. The word does indeed appear in four passages in TRUE CHRISTIAN RELIGION, but these passages are reprinted from CONJUGIAL LOVE where the word is conjugial. Swedenborg also uses conjugial throughout his scientific works.
98. (ix) Love for the sex with the human being is not the origin but the first stage of marital love, and is like an external natural in which an internal spiritual is implanted. (We are dealing here with true marital love, and not with ordinary marital love, which with some is nothing more than a limited sexual love.) True marital love exists only with those who strive after and advance in wisdom more and more. The Lord foresees these, and provides marital love for them. Even with them this love begins, to be sure, in love for the sex, or rather by love for the sex; it does not, however, arise from it. For it arises as wisdom advances and moves into light with a man; wisdom and marital love are inseparable companions.
[2] Marital love begins in sexual love for the reason that until a partner is found, the sex in general is loved, regarded affectionately, and treated with civility and respect. The young man has a choice to make, and his external nature is gently warmed at the time from an implanted inclination, hidden in his mind's sanctuary, to marriage with one young woman. It must be remarked, too, that for many reasons decisions upon marriage are often delayed well into manhood; meanwhile the beginnings of love are like lust, in some becoming an actualized love for the sex, though they give it rein no farther than to conduce to health. This last has been said, not of the female sex, but only of the male sex, which feels an enticement which actively enkindles. It is evident from these things that sexual love is not the origin of marital love, but its first manifestation in time, though not in purpose. First in purpose is what is first in mind and in the intention, because this is primary. What is first in purpose is approached only by successive stages: the stages are not themselves what is first, but lead to what is first in itself.
98. (9) That the love of the sex with man is not the origin of conjugial love but is its first; thus it is as the external natural in which the internal spiritual is implanted. The subject here treated of is love truly conjugial, and not the common love which is also called conjugal, and with some is no other than a limited love of the sex. But love truly conjugial is with those only who earnestly desire wisdom, and therefore, progress in wisdom more and more. The Lord foresees them and provides conjugial love for them; which love begins with them, it is true, from the love of the sex, or rather through that love, but yet it does not originate from that; for it springs up just in proportion as wisdom advances its step and comes forth into the light with him. For wisdom and this love are inseparable companions. That conjugial love begins through the love of the sex, is from the fact that before a consort is found the sex in general is loved and regarded with a fond eye, and is treated with courteous morality: For a young man has his choice to make; and at that time, from an inherent inclination to marriage with one, which lies hidden in the inmost shrine of his mind, there is an agreeable warmth in his external. And from the fact also that decisions with reference to marriage are for various reasons delayed, even to the middle of manhood, and meanwhile the beginning of the love is as lustful desire, which with some actually goes aside into the love of the sex; but even with them its curb is not loosed except just so much as is conducive to health. But these things are said of the male sex, because it has the allurement which actually inflames; but not of the female sex. From this it is clear that the love of the sex is not the origin of love truly conjugial, but that it is first in time though not in end. For what is first in end is first in the mind and its intention, because it is the chief thing. But this first is not attained, except successively through means; and these are not in themselves first but are only things leading to that which is first in itself.
98. IX: Quod Amor sexus apud hominem non sit origo amoris conjugialis, sed quod sit primum ejus, ita sicut est externum naturale, cui implantatur internum spirituale. Agitur hic de Amore vere conjugiali, et non de Amore vulgari qui etiam conjugialis 1vocatur, et apud quosdam non aliud est quam Amor sexus limitatus; amor autem vere conjugialis solum est apud illos, qui avent sapientiam, et inde plus et plus progrediuntur in illam; hos Dominus praevidet, et illis Amor conjugialem providet; qui amor quidem inchoat apud illos ab Amore sexus, seu potius per hunc amorem, sed usque non oritur ex illo; oritur enim sicut sapientia promovet gradum et prodit in lucem apud illum; nam sapientia et ille amor sunt individui comites.
[2] Quod Amor conjugialis inchoet per amorem sexus, est quia antequam consors invenitur, amatur sexus communiter, ac spectatur visu amabili; et agitur civili moralitate cum illo; est enim adolescens in Electione, et tunc ex insita inclinatione ad conjugium cum una, quae latet in adyto mentis ejus, blande calescit ejus externum; et quia determinationes ad conjugium protrahuntur ex variis causis usque ad mediam juventutem, ac interea initium illius amoris est sicut libido, quae apud aliquos abit in amorem sexus actualiter, at usque apud illos non remittitur fraenum ejus ulterius quam quantum conducit sanitati: sed haec dicta sunt de Sexu masculino, quia huic illecebra est, quae actualiter accendit, non autem de Sexu foeminino.
[3] Ex his patet, quod Amor sexus non sit origo Amoris vere conjugialis, sed quod sit primum ejus tempore, non autem fine; quod enim primum fine est, hoc in mente et ejus intentione est primum, quia primarium; sed ad hoc primum non acceditur nisi quam successive per media; haec non sunt prima in se, sed modo promoventia ad primum in se.
Footnotes:
1. Prima editio: conjugalis Sed vox conjugalis apparet solummodo septies in Swedenborgii scriptis theologicis, quinquies in duobus locis, quorum utrumque sumptum estabpriori opere in quo vox scripta fuit conjugialis. Cf. Vera Christiana Religio 805 cum Continuatione de Ultimo Judicio 51 et ibidem cum De Amore Conjugiali 534. Ex quibus patet quod conjugalis in illis locis sit error typographi pro conjugiali.